I Am The Cute One

Cuties, check out one of our favorite Christmas episodes from the past - a recap of "A Diva's Christmas Carol" with Troy and Kelli of "Beyond the Blinds!" ATTENTION CUTIES: Unedited/unhinged audio and video of our "Batman Returns" episode is available on our Patreon FOR EVERYONE FOR FREE as a little Christmas treat! We love you! If today's episode makes you laugh (or scream), please do us a favor...

I don't know about you, Miss Kitty, but Donny and Chelsea feel... more chaotic than ever as they recap Tim Burton's "Batman Returns." As they reminisce about this quintessential Christmas movie, the duo plan upcoming Halloween costumes (naturally) and Donny makes a New Year's wish to be cancelled by two dedicated fandoms. Then, Chelsea reads some of her poetry and shares the worst gift she's ever...

Last guest before the strike, Quin Lamar, is back for his favorite “so weird” podcast to cover the 1984 Christmas movie, “Gremlins.” After repeatedly not being allowed to moderate, he shares a theory about what the movie is REALLY about. The three discuss Dan Akroyd, Quin’s brilliant money-making opportunities for college students, and Donny’s comic book career. Also, Chelsea provides education ab...

Holiday season is here, and Donny and Chelsea are covering the 74th best Christmas movie, The Santa Clause. The Cute Ones discuss stupid kids, Donny's Santa fetish (or maybe just a Tim Allen fetish), and the best iteration of the North Pole (and shoving it up your ***). And Donny and Chelsea have a question: WHAT HAPPENS TO MRS. CLAUS? Thank you to today's sponsor, OneSkin! Get 15% off OneSkin wit...

Buckle up, Cuties, because Donny and Chelsea are going Crossroads; that's right - the day has come for them to cover the 2002 Shonda Rhimes-written Britney Spears road trip movie! They've been waiting, but it's unavailable to stream anywhere, so they had to wait until it was back in movie theaters, and their day has come. The two praise Britney (and karaoke bars) and hate on everyone in her life (...

Mamma Mia! Here we go again, indeed - movies are BACK and the strike is OVER, so Chelsea and Donny are using six-month-old notes to cover this ABBA jukebox musical (and they're still mostly relevant?) The duo discuss the insufferable characters of this Greek tragedy, as well as Blue Ivy, marathon running, Amanda Seyfried's acting style (once in every project) and goat sheds. Also, Donny gives an u...

To celebrate the end of the SAG/Aftra strike, the Cute Ones are covering their LAST BOOK EVER - the first Animorphs book, "The Invasion." Besides heavy exposition and incestual cousins, they discuss Donny's many offenses at Bubba Gump Shr*mp Company, gay (ugly) NYC nightlife, Chelsea's past in hula hooping, and middle school musical theater. Also, a new development is made in the Jon Benet Ramsey...

Jim from The Office read this book, and now Donny and Chelsea did! That's right - it's time to cover From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler. In the C-word heavy recap of this mystery... with no mystery, the two discuss why they'd be terrible running away from home, dumpster diving for furniture, why the mall would be a terrible place to escape to, the mail-checking habits of millenni...

Chelsea is diving into her second Goosebumps book - this time, one where something actually happens, "The Haunted Mask." In this episode, she and Donny continue to give the Cuties headache - with stories about school lunches, army boyfriends, and last minute Halloween costumes. Also, Chelsea used to be smart and knocked it out of the park at the science fair. And if you don't like this episode, yo...

Apologies, Cuties - Halloween is cancelled. But to celebrate the lack of the holiday, Donny and Chelsea are naked (well, Donny is) and covering Fear Street Cheerleaders: The First Evil. Besides the book, they discuss the gunks of the hosts of The Basement Yard, Chelsea's granola doppleganger and Donny's blonde one, and church Hop-a-Thons. Please end the SAG-Aftra strike so that Chelsea stops singi...

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How many books are there about thinking someone is a vampire with no payoff and hardly any plot? At least two, and Chelsea and Donny are covering their second one on the pod, Bunnicula. Sink your teeth into this chaotic episode where the Cute Ones discuss the gender identities of pets, Dr. Bald's Mr. Hyde moustache era, and gays working at Arby's. Also, Michelle Obama, if you're listening... come...

Trick or Treat, Cuties! While we're sorry to play a trick on you by re-releasing an old episode today, we're thrilled to give you the treat of TWENTY SEVEN (that's 27! Count em') minutes of bonus content ONLY EVER HEARD BEFORE ON PATREON! Deputy Editor of US Weekly and host of “Here For the Right Reasons” podcast, Sarah Hearon, joins Donny and Chelsea to recap ‘I Know What You Did Last Summer,’ an...

It's Spooky Season, and since Chelsea has finally seen the Barbie movie, Donny is celebrating by wearing his best bandana. The duo is covering "Vampires Don't Wear Polka Dots," which is a lot less uneventful than either of the two of them remember it being. Besides the book, they reminisce about the meanest teachers they've had, water balloon titties, breaking into neighbor's homes, and teachers w...

On the brink of exhaustion after being terrorized by Chelsea's daughter all weekend, Donny completes the cycle of abuse by traumatizing the Cuties with a very detailed Jonas Brothers tweet. Then, the duo cross the Rainbow Bridge to cover Neighbors From Outer Space (which does not include biting off fingernails) and also... fables, some of which may be made up. They also discuss their favorite comm...

Even God can't stop them! Donny and Chelsea are finally recording the episode that fate tried (repeatedly) to make not happen, and they use the powers of the Magic Tree House to really go places (none of which are the Titanic). They also discuss the hyper focuses of their formative years, cringey abbreviations, setting boundaries, and what your choice of Titanic VHS says about you. Also, Chelsea d...

Donny and Chelsea are still broken from last week's book, so they are using their big fat mouths to tackle an elementary aged book this week: Junie B. Jones and Her Big Fat Mouth. While Junie terrorizes her family and her kindergarten class, Chelsea and Donny terrorize each other with stories of baby talk and childhood dentists. They also talk about kids from the wrong side of the tracks, biting,...

There's nothing as horrible as being abducted and then lied to your whole life by the people who love you... except reading about it. This week, Donny and Chelsea read the tedious fan favorite "The Face On the Milk Carton" by Caroline B. Cooney and spend that time wishing someone would chloroform them and take them away so they can stop reading. Before you attack - Donny remembered loving this boo...

This week, Chelsee and Dhani are hanging out with the Baby-Sitters Club Little Sister today to cover Karen's Haircut by Ann M. Martin. Karen may have no teeth, but the duo have many things to talk about - including childhood games, homemade music videos, playground weddings, the mom from Home Improvement and JoJo the Dog Faced Boy. Also... do your children listen to this podcast? For bonus episode...

With their new book club underway, Donny and Chelsea get Goosebumps as they spend One Day at HorrorLand, where they are met with a lot of cliffhangers that really take the action to the next level. JUST KIDDING - the cliffhangers in this book go nowhere! The duo also talk about bowel movements, escape rooms, road trips gone bad, and where they'd draw the line on Fear Factor. Plus, Chelsea experien...

The library is open (or whatever the girls say), and for their first book club meeting, Chelsea and Donny are covering the book Chelsea hasn't been able to shut up about - Judy Blume's "Forever." The two discuss the delicacies of The Melting Pot, the perks of horse girls, annoying teenagers, and... Ralph (not the Mouse on the Motorcycle.) Then, Chelsea shares (one of) her most embarrassing date st...

In solidarity of the WGA/SAG strike, Donny and Chelsea will not be covering movies or scripted television while the strike is on. So after a meltdown and/or nervous break, Donny and Chelsea realized - like Lea Michele - they needed to move in... wait for it... new directions. So, today they come equipped with ideas of what they can cover. Consider yourself a fly on the wall of their Busy Businessw...

This podcast was recorded before the SAG strike began. We stand with SAG and the WGA while they negotiate for a fair contract. In honor of Leo season and Halle Berry's birthday, comic Quin Lamar (@thequinlamar) joins Donny and Chelsea to cover 2004's Catwoman. As is tradition when Quin is the guest, alliances are fast and loose: he and Chelsea team up to make fun of Donny's last hairline hoorah be...

When the host of Gay Ass Podcast Eric Williams joins Donny and Chelsea, they have NO choice but to cover the gayest movie they can think of: Soapdish. The three discuss Pierce Brosnan in Mrs. Doubtfire, being gay in 8th grade, James and the Giant Peach, and the 2023 equivalent to soap operas. Then, Donny shares where he’d be if he was a nepo nephew and Chelsea’s M Night experience leads her to gue...

And they lived... chaotically (as always), and this week, comic and pretty crier Kim Nario, join the Cute Ones to recap "Ever After," but instead discusses The Human Centipede, Brandy Cinderella and Titanic (the movie). Then, they buy a ticket to Donny Land when Donny shares stories of what he looked like in middle school. Melanie Lynskey is yet AGAIN made into a punchline, and the Cuties share st...