How to Survive

It's episode 183, and our memories are filled with every f*ck-up we've ever made. Upgrade (2018) tells the story of Grey, a mechanic who has his spine severed in a brutal mugging, in which his wife is killed. Now paralysed from the neck down, Grey is offered the chance to walk again when a shady tech wizard offers him a computer chip which can control his body. STEM is implanted, and Grey can walk...

It's episode 182, and if anyone tries to stop me, the old geezer gets it! RoboCop (1987) is the story of Alex Murphy, a police officer in dystopian Detroit who gets shot to bits by thugs and rebuilt as a part-man, part-machine enforcer. He's supposed to keep the peace, but does OCP, the shady corporation who built him, have an ulterior motive? Yes. Yes they do. We discuss the importance of iterati...

It's episode 181, and we are the things that were and shall be again! Evil Dead II (1987) is  Sam Raimi's cult classic follow-up to cult classic  The  Evil Dead (1981), and like all good sequels it doubles down on the splatter, chainsaws, and eyebrow-raising violence, once again starring the best eyebrow-raiser in the business: Bruce Campbell! We talk about maintaining basic sanitation in a remote...

It's episode 180, and good night darling. Say your prayers. Oh, by the way, your dad and I just torched some maniac last night. A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987) tells the story of Kristen, a young girl who is haunted by a marauding maniac in her dreams. That maniac is Freddy Krueger - and when she is placed in a psychiatric home for teenagers, she realises all of the other patien...

It's episode 179, and our mission is simple. We go in, and we take him out! The Raid (2011) aka The Raid: Redemption follows Rama, a member of a Jakarta Special Forces squad who embark on an ill-fated assault on a drug lord's compound. Twists and turns (of limbs) ensue, as well as punches, kicks, stabbings, shootings, bottlings, bannisterings, bulbings and defenestrations in one of the bloodiest a...

It's episode 178, and there is nothing we can hold onto in this world. Only by letting go can we truly possess what is real. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000) tells the story of Li Mu Bai, a fearsome warrior with 'last day on the job' syndrome, and Yu Shu Lien, another fearsome warrior who is in love with him. Before they can retire and live out their lives together, they must deal with Jen Yu...

As a special bonus: a movie which wasn't worth a full episode. Did Glass (2018) live up to the hype? We talk about disappointments; missed opportunities; and a masterclass in turning interesting ideas into unadulterated boredom. All of which leads to one question: How would you survive? Get in touch with your thoughts:  Howtosurviveshow@gmail.com And we'll see you on Wednesday for  Crouching Tiger...

It's episode 177, and all I know is that the boy was my charge. And if he was not the word of God. Then God never spoke. The Road (2009) paints a harrowing picture of a ruined world following some kind of unknown cataclysm. A man and his boy journey South, hoping in vain to find warmth, food and shelter, but must brave the elements, fellow survivors and even cannibals along the way. We talk about...

It's episode 176, and that's something you can't unsee. Bird Box (2019) paints a post-apocalyptic world in which the mere sight of a mysterious supernatural entity causes people to die by suicide. Can Malorie, alongside her creatively named children 'Boy' and 'Girl', survive a harrowing 48 hour trip downriver in a raft, remaining blindfolded the entire time? Blindfolds at the ready as we discuss t...

It's episode 175, and you're just a freak in a cheap suit. The Dark Knight (2008) tells the story of Bruce Wayne, aka Batman, aka The Dark Knight, aka The Caped Crusader as he teams up with Gotham's new District Attorney, Harvey Dent, to take on The Joker. Will they stop him before his diabolical plan is realised? We talk about human resourcing in major city police departments; the dangers of over...

It's episode 174, and am I not supposed to have what I want, what I need? What am I supposed to do?. Spider-Man 2 (2004) tells the story of Peter Parker as he adjusts to life as a young adult. Pete is stretched thin, burning the candle at both ends to keep up with the demands of studying, delivering pizzas, and being Spider-Man. Something has to give - and something needs to be done about the drea...

Christmas may be over, but festive fever is still high at the How to Survive podcast. All together now:  Download podcast, sesame. We're back once again, tackling our favourite movie series ever - one which is fast becoming a true horror franchise. It's Home Alone 4: Taking Back the House (2002). We talk about all the very slight problems of the film: Casting, costuming, scripting, cinematography,...

It's the most wonderful time of the year, and that can only mean one thing - a bonus episode of How to Survive about a woefully inappropriate family-friendly Christmas film! This year we're donning our red and white hats and letting Rudolph guide our way through The Santa Clause, the 1994 classic family Christmas romp with an immensely sinister undertone of magical indentured servitude which robs...

It's episode 173, and you could be brilliant, but you're a coward. Black Swan tells the story of amitious but anxious prima ballerina Nina, who is preparing for the dual starring roles in a revolutionary production of Swan Lake. But as the stress of her impending performance takes its toll, Nina's psychological demons come to the fore. We talk about the subjective vs. the objective, unpack the bes...

It's episode 172b, and we need guilt, Doctor. And shame. But not yours. As with the original, Suspiria (2018) tells the story of Susie Bannion, a young woman who joins a German dance school. Are the teachers of the school witches? Yes. Will the movie become increasingly and unrelentingly bizarre? You betcha. We talk about Tilda Swinton in the roles of a lifetime; the importance of understanding ca...

It's episode 172a, and we must get rid of that bitch of an American girl. Vanish! She must vanish! Make her disappear! Understand? Vanish, she must vanish! Suspiria (1977) is the story of Suzy Bannion, a new student at the prestigious Tanz Dance Academy, Munich who begins to suspect that something is amiss following the brutal murders of several students, all of whom suspected the teachers were wi...

It's episode 171 and this is for all you new people: I have only one rule. Everybody fights, no one quits. If you don't do your job, I'll kill you myself! Welcome to the Roughnecks! Starship Troopers (1997) is the story of Johnny Rico and his friends, who graduate from high school and immediately join earth's galactic military in order to wage war on a foreign planet inhabited by gigantic insects....

It's episode 170 and my dad thinks I'm on drugs. My mom thinks I'm crazy. And, you know, at this point, I don't know if I don't disagree with her. A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985) tells the story of Jesse, a young man who moves into the home previously occupied by the victim of A Nightmare on Elm Street. He is haunted by Freddy Krueger in his dreams - and compelled to murder on...

It's episode 169 and the promise of the Divine is but an illusion. Nothing in this world is pure... except for the How to Survive podcast. Apostle (2018) tells the story of Thomas. Called upon to rescue his sister from a religious cult on a Welsh island, Thomas gets more than he bargained for when the cult's rituals appear to hide a terrifying secret. We talk about thorough investigative measures;...

The Final Destination franchise is a staple for horror movie fans. Despite having no clear antagonist, the threat of an inescapable and horrifically violent demise kept audiences glued to their seats for over a decade. The franchise is often requested by listeners, and Chris and Joe felt it was finally time to board the proverbial plane; pull out into the proverbial traffic; keep their hands and f...

It's episode 168 and what happened here, happened to me. Hold the Dark (2018) tells the story of Russell - an expert in wolves. Russell is summoned to Alaska to investigate some wolves who have been taking children - and ends up in the middle of something nobody could have seen coming. We talk about the risks of being instantly boiled to death; the importance of choosing your suppliers wisely, and...

It's episode 167 and that was my favourite shirt! Mandy (2018) tells the story of Red and Mandy - lovers who have moved into the wilderness to live in the comfort of each other's company. All that is thrown into disarray when a passing cult leader becomes infatuated with Mandy - and what happens next has to be seen to be believed... We talk about bringing a gun to a chainsaw fight; spotting drug m...

It's episode 166 and our favourite time of the year... Halloween (2018) is the story of Laurie and Michael Myers, set 40 years after their first encounter in the movie of the same name in 1978. Laurie has spent the intervening decades stockpiling weapons and ruining her relationship with her daughter and granddaughter - but all of that is turned upside down when Michael Myers escapes from prison a...

It's episode 165 and it's probably a glitch... Unfriended (2014) tells the story of a group of friends who are Skyping, instant messaging, texting, Facebooking, emailing and Instagramming each other one evening - when all of a sudden all of those messaging platforms appear to become haunted by the spirit of their dead schoolfriend. Is it a glitch? A hacker? Or are they really being haunted over th...

It's episode 164 and if you dislike workplace disputes, don't apply to work at Belko. The Belko Experiment (2016) tells the story of Mike Milch, who works for international corporation 'Belko' in its Colombia office. One day, the doors and windows are sealed shut, and the employees are ordered to kill each other or be killed themselves. The Belko Experiment has begun... We talk about passive resis...