How to Parent Peacefully. With the Hand in Hand Parenting approach.

Today I want to share with you my favourite practice for finding my calm again when I’m feeling triggered. In those moments my children need me to be the responsible adult who can regulate my system - who can bring my emotions back into balance again. When you can regulate your emotions, it is the biggest gift to your child because it gives them a sense of safety so they can calm down too. So the...

I remember a parent asking me a while back how he could take responsibility for the times he lost his temper with his kid. He felt apologising wasn’t enough if he was going to keep going back and making the same mistake again and again. That felt to him like an abusive relationship where the abuser keeps asking for forgiveness only to repeat the same pattern over and over again. So this week I am...

In this week’s episode I talk about why parenting is so hard in this modern world we live in and the three biggest reasons why I believe we get angry and lose it with our kids. When we are feeling calm, patient and well-resourced, when all our needs are taken care of, when we have no worries, we have no stresses, at those times parenting is easy. We know how to be loving, kind, respectful and pati...

We've all had those comments from well-meaning (or not so well-meaning) family members, friends and even strangers: "If you lift them up every time they cry you'll spoil them", "I would never have dared answer back like that", "Your child is out of control", "You're being too soft on them". ​ So today I'm talking about how you can respond to these types of comments while still keeping your integri...

We want to raise children who are considerate and kind towards others and who are grateful for everything we do for them, right? A lot of parents worry that parenting in a gentle way without punishments or rewards will encourage children to be spoiled or entitled. Is this the case? Is it possible to raise children with respect and empathy without them turning into little brats who demand everythin...

Getting children dressed in the morning has to be one of the most common and most frustrating challenges for parents. ​If your child resists getting dressed and you end up arguing, cajoling and then finally losing your patience then you certainly aren't alone. I invite you to listen to this week's episode where I talk about some fresh ideas to get mornings going more smoothly. In this episode I ta...

If you have a strong-willed child, you know about it and it's hard! You look at other people's children and ask yourself why it all seems so easy for them. They seem to go through life without all the arguments and drama. Meanwhile you are dealing with difficult behaviour, engaging in lengthy explanations and major meltdowns over things like putting on shoes or turning a screen off. It is exhausti...

It is almost Christmas time and there is so much pressure on parents at this time of year to make memories, to make every moment special, to buy the perfect presents and to make sure your child has a great time. On top of that we often spend more time with family members which comes with it’s own challenges. The emotional load on parents, especially mums, is huge at this time of year. We are expec...

Today I talk about how we can help our children with life’s small disappointments as well as the big challenges and changes that so many of us encounter. One of the main roles of parents is to keep our children safe from harm, to protect them from the ups and downs of life. But we can’t wrap them in bubble wrap and pretend the big bad world doesn’t exist. No matter how careful we are, no matter wh...

Most of us have been there when our child is name calling or using swear words. It usually brings up a big reaction in us. We respond harshly or we aren't sure how to respond at all. And that is often where the desire to swear arises from with our children. They notice the reaction it brings up in us. Seeing this reaction is compelling to them. Or perhaps name-calling can be something a child turn...

When I became a parent I would have told you I had life figured out. If you had asked me about my emotional world, I couldn’t have explained much about it.  Yes, I wanted my children to be ‘good with their emotions’,, but I wasn’t very good with my own emotions - so how was I supposed to model or teach this to my own children? Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage you...

There is a lot of talk in parenting circles about consequences. So I wanted to spend a bit of time breaking down what exactly we mean by consequences, including logical consequences and natural consequences. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen parents in Facebook groups looking for help to think of a logical or a natural consequence for their child’s behaviour. This comes from a belief that...

There is a common myth that we have to reward good behaviour and have consequences for bad behaviour in order to get our children to listen and behave. How do you get your kids to listen? What leverage do you have left as a parent if you can’t use a threat or a bribe to get your child to comply? The problem is that rewards and punishments make children look outside of themselves for how to behave....

Today I am celebrating the 50th episode of the podcast by answering some of your parenting questions.  I talk about supporting children with school and learning and the importance of focusing on our children's emotional development after which learning will follow.  Next up, I talk about how to deal with children who don't want to sit at the dinner table and cause chaos at mealtimes. I t...

Today I talk about respecting our children when they are hesitating or feeling uncertain about joining in at times like Halloween, but also other times like getting photos taken with Santa, joining in at birthday parties or participating in other activities you’ve signed them up for. Whatever the situation may be, it is really common for young children to be uncertain at these times, to hesitate a...

The biggest gift you can give your children when they are struggling with big emotions, when they are frustrated or upset, is to be the calm in their storm. It is your parenting superpower. When you can come to the situation with calm, you can be the confident leader your child needs in that moment. You can model emotional regulation and help your child co-regulate with your balanced system. If yo...

This week I talk to Patty Wipfler, founder of Hand in Hand Parenting.  Patty has been working with parents for 47 years. Over that time she has developed the parenting by connection approach, the five listening tools you hear me talk about on the podcast (Listening Partnerships for parents, Staylistening, Setting Limits, Special Time and Playlistening) and the Hand in Hand Parenting organisat...

This week I talk about how we can support our children to cope with grief, death and dying. We want to protect our children from grief. It is such a difficult time if you and your family are experiencing grief, if there is a death in your immediate family, a parent, a grandparent, a close family member, a friend, someone in the community - or a much loved pet. Your child might start to ask about d...

This week I talk to writer, campaigner and journalist Molly Forbes. Molly is author of the book Body Happy Kids: how to help children and teens love the skin they’re in. In this episode, Molly shares her own journey to becoming body happy and how that led to her passion to help parents and children be happy in their bodies too. We go on to talk about a wide range of topics with lots of practical i...

I talk a lot about connection on the podcast, it is at the heart of the Hand in Hand Parenting approach. And then I realised I’ve never done an episode dedicated to talking about connection. So here it is - long overdue. I often hear people ask - what exactly is gentle parenting? Or maybe they call it peaceful parenting, conscious parenting, respectful parenting or attachment parenting. For me, ge...

In this week’s episode I talk about raising children who are able to stay connected to their true selves. In this week’s episode I talk about raising children who are able to stay connected to their true selves. I believe the only way to be truly content and satisfied in life is to be able to stay connected to ourselves and what we truly want and need in life. When we are able to act from a place...

Most of us have big hopes and dreams for our children when we become parents. The type of people they will grow up to be, the type of relationship they will have with us as they grow and eventually become adults. But so often those hopes and dreams seem to get swamped in the day to day chaos of parenting. I believe we all hope to have a close and loving relationship with our children throughout th...

Welcome back to season 2 of the podcast! For many of us here in the northern hemisphere, summer has come to an end and we are getting back to our routines: whether that is starting school or childcare for the first time or returning after the summer break. For those who home educate, it might be adjusting to having less friends around and finding a new routine.  People are sharing their back...

When my daughter became a toddler, I felt totally lost. I didn’t know what I was doing. I felt capable in other areas of my life - but family life was chaotic. I didn’t know how to say no without upsetting her. So I would do anything to keep the peace. Until I got frustrated and ended up shouting. Then I discovered practical tools that made gentle parenting a reality for me. Six months later I was...

Today I am talking about the summer holidays. Whether your kids are off school already or finishing up in the next week or so, it is normal to have mixed feelings about the summer break. Maybe you are relieved to  be finished with the school run for a few weeks or maybe you have to work and you’re stressing about juggling childcare and summer camps. You might be home alone a lot with you...