How To Have Sex

She met him on Facebook. He lived on the other side of the world. She didn't tell a soul for two years. This week Mel flips the script and puts Jay-Jay in the hot seat. We're talking about Jay-Jay's relationship with her partner Minou, the 18-year age gap, meeting through a random Facebook DM, navigating two completely different cultures and religions, and every single opinion the internet has eve...

Foreplay. Everyone's heard of it. Not everyone's doing it right. In this episode, Jay-Jay and Mel break down what foreplay actually is (spoiler: not just a quick neck kiss and a rub before getting to the main event), why rushing it is one of the biggest bedroom mistakes people make, and how slowing down can completely change your sex life. We also get into the surprisingly non-sexual stuff that co...

Ever caught yourself calling your partner "babe" right before asking them to take the bins out, and that was basically the most romantic thing that happened all week? Yeah. This one's for you. This week JJ and Mel are talking about how to bring the spice back into long-term relationships, and no, it doesn't start with a sex swing. They unpack why couples slip into "flatmate energy," the sneaky way...

Turns out almost everyone has a fantasy they've never told a single soul. This week Jay-Jay and sex & relationship coach Mel Vranjes get into sexual fantasies; what's actually going on underneath them, why just talking about one can be almost as hot as living it out, and how to bring it up with your partner without causing a small relationship earthquake. Mel shares the research on the most co...

Ever wanted to make the first move and just… froze? Initiating is one of the most vulnerable things we do, and almost nobody talks about how hard it is. This week Jay-Jay Feeney and somatic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes get into how to initiate sex without the fear of rejection: why it can feel scarier than the sex itself, how to handle a "no" without spiralling, and the tiny shifts t...

BDSM. Two seconds after hearing that word, most people picture whips, chains, leather, and some kind of expensive basement situation. (Just me? Okay, just me.) This week, certified somatic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes breaks down what BDSM actually is — and spoiler: it's a much wider, far less terrifying spectrum than you think. We cover: What BDSM really means (and what it definitel...

Porn. We're going there. Whether you watch it, your partner watches it, or you've never really thought about it, this episode is the honest, shame-free conversation you didn't know you needed. Jay-Jay and Mel explore why porn is so wildly popular, what your search history might (and might not) say about you, and the real question nobody asks: is your porn use helping, or quietly replacing intimacy...

Asking for what you want in bed might be the scariest thing you never do. Scarier than being naked. Scarier than asking for a pay rise. And for a lot of us, we'd rather go along with it, fake it, or hope they read our minds. In this episode, sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes and broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney get into the real reason we go quiet in the bedroom, and what to do about it. You'll...

Did you know your solo sex life is literally the foundation of your partnered sex life? In this episode, Jay-Jay finally figures out why this topic makes her want to crawl under the duvet and never come out, and it's more relatable than you'd think. Certified somatic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes breaks down everything women were never taught about self-pleasure: where the shame actua...

Anal play. Butt stuff. The backdoor. Whatever you call it, more people are curious than will ever admit it. So this week, Jay-Jay and Mel are going there. Literally. Certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes joins a very nervous, very clenching Jay-Jay Feeney to unpack everything about anal and butt play, for all bodies and all genders. From the biology, to the beginner steps, to the st...

Earth-shattering. It sounds ambitious, but Mel reckons it's not only possible, it's absolutely learnable. And it has nothing to do with performing, faking it, or wondering if you're taking too long. This week Jay-Jay and Mel go deep on orgasms; what they actually are, why they feel different depending on where they happen in your body, and why so many of us have been getting in our own way this wh...

This might be our most hilarious episode yet. In this episode of How To Have Sex , Jay-Jay Feeney and sex & relationship coach Melissa Vranjes set out to talk about erotic activities, erotic energy, and how to bring more play, anticipation and aliveness into your sex life… and somewhere along the way, things descend into absolute chaos. There are tears. There is wheezing. There is a completely...

Pregnancy can change everything.. your body, your hormones, your relationship to pleasure, and the way you feel about s*x. In this deeply personal episode of How To Have S*x , Mel opens up about her first pregnancy, when she lost her libido at 15 weeks, stopped wanting s*x, and even lost the ability to have the internal org*sms she once loved. Jay-Jay and Mel talk honestly about what happens when...

Dirty talk makes Jay-Jay want to crawl under the bed and disappear… so naturally, that’s exactly what this episode is about. In this episode of How To Have Sex , Jay-Jay Feeney and sex & relationship coach Melissa Vranjes tackle one of the most cringe-inducing parts of intimacy: saying sexy things out loud without dissolving into laughter. If the thought of dirty talk makes you want to do your...

WATCH THE UNCENSORED VIDEO HERE: https://hthspodcast.substack.com/p/uncensored-video-how-to-give-world Talking about oral sex makes Jay-Jay wildly uncomfortable… which is exactly why this episode had to happen. In this lesson of How To Have Sex , Jay-Jay Feeney and sex & relationship coach Melissa Vranjes get very practical about what makes oral sex actually feel good for everyone. This is not...

What actually separates good sex from great sex? Spoiler: it's not the positions, the toys, or the techniques. In this episode, sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes and Jay-Jay Feeney get into the real foundations of hot sex, and it turns out most of us have been thinking about it completely wrong. Mel introduces her erotic mind mapping method, breaks down the three types of desire (and why...

Welcome to How To Have Sex ... the podcast giving everyday New Zealanders the practical tools to have better, more confident, more satisfying sex lives. Before we get into the good stuff, we're starting where all great sex starts: foreplay . This episode is your introduction to hosts Jay-Jay Feeney - veteran NZ broadcaster, podcaster, and self-confessed awkward sex-talker, and Melissa Vranjes, cer...

One’s a sex coach. The other one’s awkward. Both are getting into bed to talk about it. How to Have Sex is hosted by Jay-Jay Feeney — one of New Zealand’s most recognisable voices — and Melissa Vranjes, a holistic sex & relationship coach and somatic therapist. Jay-Jay has the questions you’re too shy to ask. Melissa has the answers (and the experience). From world-class head to low libido, or...