How She Really Does It

Humans are hard-wired to create and tell stories; it's how we see and make sense of the world. However, not every story is productive. It is important to ask, "What do I tell myself?" and "How do I share my life story?" It takes a lot of work to understand where these beliefs come from, but it is so important to do. When we recognize the unconscious stories we have about ourselves, we can choose t...

Our mothers are the foundations of our lives. Our relationships are complicated with them.  All sorts of feelings emerge when we think of our mothers. Love, anger, appreciation, gratitude, shame are a handful of the feelings that can be connected to our relationships with our mothers. Get full show notes and more information here: https://howshereallydoesit.com/podcast/ lisa-erspamer-ww /    

We often imagine the end result of our labors being this picturesque place where nothing goes wrong and we are perfectly happy with everything that is happening. Most times, that is not really the case... but that doesn't mean we aren't in the Promised Land. Join me and think about the things that are going well in your life and enjoying your personal Promised Land for whatever you have in your li...

Jen and I ask the questions: How do I want to be a friend? What kind of friendships do I want to have? What effort am I willing to make for those friends? Answering those questions for yourself will help you gain clarity about what you want from friendships, but another piece of this is our own perception.  Get full show notes and more information here: [ https://howshereallydoesit.com/podcast/ je...

People liking (or not liking) us says nothing about who we are as people. Oftentimes, other people are simply not a fit for us and we don't have the capacity for them in our lives. And there is nothing wrong with that. Listen in today as we discuss how we can be ourselves and how others will naturally gravitate to us if they are a good fit!  Get full show notes and more information here:  https://...

How do your thoughts affect your reality?   Pam Grout is the author of the New York Times bestseller E 2 : Nine Do-It-Yourself Energy Experiments that Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality . She joined me in 2013 to talk about thoughts, reality, and energy. Each morning, Pam wakes up and tells herself, "something amazingly awesome will happen to me today." This is a simple practice that can chan...

Our immediate reaction to when things go wrong is to wallow in it or blame ourselves or others, but we can choose not to and to think practically instead. By choosing to prioritize the important things and not wasting energy on unnecessary emotions, we can navigate problems way more effectively. Join me on today's show to think about how to approach missteps and listen to some recent examples of l...

Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph. D. is a social psychologist, speaker, best selling author of Succeed, and the co-author of Focus: Use Different Ways of Seeing the World to Power Success and Influence. Heidi joined me in 2013 to help us understand how people focus. The two main types of focus in her research are promotion and prevention. When you understand the different types of focus, you can motivate...

It can feel like we are taking on all the problems of the world but it's discouraging when it seems like nothing changes. Today, I want to talk about finding clarity with what you value and being less ambiguous about what you actually want to achieve. When you refocus on what success actually means, you can build self-confidence and self-worth by acknowledging all the changes that you have created...

Do you tend to worry about how smart you are? Or are you able to enjoy learning without it being an outcome-driven activity? Those are examples of different mindsets about intelligence and learning. One of those mindsets makes us get in our own way and the other can help us grow. Carol Dweck is a world renowned Stanford University psychologist and the author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Succe...

Oftentimes we live in fear of other people judging us if we don't do exactly what they want, but the reality is that other people will always judge. And, ultimately, you have to let them. If you simply let others judge without giving it much meaning, then you are using less energy being yourself while they waste energy judging. I want you to join me on this episode as we think about being our most...

Teenagers are amazing observers. They easily pick up on things like instances when our actions don't match our values, when we're about to give them criticism, and the times that we make judgments about them. From puberty to sexuality to self-concept, teen's lives are changing in many ways. There is so much going on with them that it can be hard to understand their behaviors and attitudes. So how...

If we argue with reality, then we lose. So, don't argue with it and learn to laugh at the ridiculousness instead. Listen in to this episode as we talk about how we can change our mindset in regards to these truly trivial things and not let the little things bother us. I use a recent personal triumph over negative thinking to show how can you let go of these small bothers and enjoy the richness pre...

Anger. You probably sometimes find yourself getting angry about work, relationships, or circumstances. It's a powerful emotion, but is your anger effective at creating lasting change? Do you work hard trying to diminish your anger?  Tune in to hear Harriet give us insight about our anger and how it can help our lives. We discuss how anger can be used effectively versus how it can be dysfunctional....

What are the scripts that you have for others? Do you use these scripts as a test? This episode is meant to break you out of those old scripts so you can have healthier relationships with yourself and others. I'll share how we can dispatch with these scripts so we can be more of ourselves and let others be themselves in return. I'll talk about how you can get rid of those expectations, how to deal...

Former think-tank exec, business strategist, publicist, and one of the most popular and original personal development and career-advice writers online, Danielle LaPorte joins me in this interview which originally aired in 2012.   Whether or not you are an entrepreneur, the concepts of trusting yourself, relying on yourself, and doing your own work can help to put you in the driver's seat of your l...

If you've been ghosted by a friend, you've probably asked yourself, "Now what?" Today's episode answers the question of what you should do if a friend ghosts you. I'll offer you some questions to ask yourself when this happens that will help you get out of your own mind drama and consider that your friend may not be ghosting you with bad intentions. And I'll talk about how to understand what you w...

Motivation is based on drives: biological, reward + punishment, and purpose. For the most part, the nature of our work and tasks have changed significantly from the nineteenth to twentieth to twenty-first centuries. Have motivators kept up? Daniel Pink is the author of four provocative books about changing the world of work including the New York Times best sellers , A Whole New Mind and Drive: Th...

In today's (headphones-on) episode, I'm asking you what "good enough" is for you. I'll walk through why this concept is so shame-triggering for many people and talk about why you  are  good enough already. We'll also touch on the importance of accepting our imperfections and our story, why you'll never be completely free of shame, and why measuring yourself against the "good enough" standard is a...

Oprah calls today's guest the "Marriage Whisperer." Harville Hendrix is the author of the New York Times bestselling book Getting the Love You Want. It's one of my favorite and most valued books of all time.  Harville Hendrix and his wife Helen LaKelly Hunt created Imago Relationship Therapy, a form of marriage therapy that takes a relationship approach rather than individual approach to problem s...

In this episode we investigate why you might be afraid to ask for what you want. I run through some of the common stories + reasons that we aren't asking for what we want or need, and why being afraid to ask is keeping you from being the leader of your own life. I also talk about why telling other people what you want (instead of expecting them to guess) is way better for your relationships. And I...

Simon Sinek is known for inspiring people to do the things that inspire them. His mission comes from the personal experience of seeking fulfillment and passion in his work and life. Simon's book is Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action . Get full show notes and more information here:  https://howshereallydoesit.com/podcast/ simon-sinek-ww /

Today I'm breaking down my model of capacity + energy as a form of time management. Instead of feeling like a failure whenever I don't accomplish whatever my time block says, I keep track of my capacity + energy for coaching, self-care, swimming, and everything else. I talk about how to figure out what your capacity is, why you should accept where you are right now, and how to sustainably build yo...

This summer, I'm rebroadcasting some of my favorite  How She Really Does It  episodes from earlier years of my show in a 12-week series called Wisdom Wednesdays. I'm bringing these twelve shows back to the surface for you so that they can bring a little bit of wisdom into your life each week (without you having to dig through 600+ episodes). In this episode, I interview the late Dr. David Hawkins....

I don't do interviews much anymore, but sometimes I come across someone with a story that I think my audience just  has  to hear. That's exactly what happened with today's guest, Tembi Locke, when I read her memoir  From Scratch: A Memoir of Love, Sicily, and Home.  Tembi's story is one of courage, connection, loss, and grief. But more than anything, it's a story about the power of love to help us...