Horse Lawyers

So often, eldritch knowledge lies encoded in ancient, innocuous texts. Returning guest Matthew Rangel learns that the hard way, as we discover that EMI/Chrysalis recording artists Go West have laid the most devious of traps in the music video for their breakout 1990 hit single, "The King Of Wishful Thinking".

It's part two of The Dead Hour, and things are getting testy. Does the Darve Marthews Band make an appearance? Does Ethan confidently misidentify an Ambrose Bierce story as being by Nathaniel Hawthorne? Do the boys get cancelled no less than ten times in the space of a single episode?! Find out in this cursed evocation of the weaponized incompetence and utter contempt for their audience of Sco...

Episode 5 is a particularly cursed specimen--it's season 1 of Scott Coleman and Daniel Iske's 2010 horror anthology series The Dead Hour, promoted as a spiritual successor to such classics as The Twilight Zone. Guest Ben Goza and I find that to be somewhat misleading.

Lo, a savior is born! Come celebrate his arrival in the most appropriate way there is--with part 3 of our coverage of Night Killer, a 1990 slasher movie set during Christmastime. Guest Craig Dickey and I make a joyous sound with our voices as--wait, no, that's shrieking. That's just shrieking.

Part 2 of Night Killer! Craig's mind is starting to come unmoored! Numbers! Numbers shall be our salvation! Numbers shall restore order to reality! NUMBARRRRGGGGHHHH

In episode 4, guest Craig Dickey and I brave the impossible angles and recursive geometry of 1990 giallolike Night Killer. Buckle up, kids--this one's simultaneously one of the more tame but also one of the most disturbing ones yet.

There exist things whose existence cannot be reconciled. There are some crimes which blemish not just their perpetrators, but our species as a whole. Do we learn from these mistakes? Or do we normalize depravity, vote it into office, and castrate ourselves in fealty to it? Um, also, lotsa laffs & yuks in today's episode!

Episode 3 is the laugh-a-minute messaround that is Harlan Ellison's A Boy and His Dog, a heartwarming post-apocalyptic tale set in 2024 which follows a young Don Johnson as he utilizes the world's only miraculously psychic dog to find and assault vulnerable women. He's the hero! Yay! Harmonica sting! This was absolutely the author's vision! My brother Matt is there too and he hates it!

Technical difficulties necessitated some last minute equipment improvisation. Thanks for your patience.

This is part 2 of our coverage of Richard Kelly's 2006 debacle, Southland Tales. A few audio issues with this one, sorry.

In episode 2, my brother Josh and I tragically sacrifice our lives attempting to piece together the specific sequence of events that led Richard Kelly to follow Donnie f*****g Darko with the atrocity that is Southland Tales. As we lay dying, Josh slightly hastens my expiry by crushing my windpipe, as revenge for the Justin Timberlake Killers musical number. This is a public episode. If you would l...

The thrilling conclusion of SpaceHunter: Adventures In The Forbidden Zone! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit glasshalves.substack.com

This is the first episode of Horse Lawyers! Derek and I square off against SpaceHunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone, the paradoxically least sexy but also most horny movie explicitly constructed to appeal to children the early 80's produced. Ivan Reitman!! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit glasshalves.subs...