Hollywood Is Dead

We watched 47 Ronin and liked 12 out of the 47. This movie stars the white devil. It's about roning. To be honest, we weren't really sure what it was about. Something about righting a wrong that can only end in mass suicide. Fucking stupid. It was The Last Samurai mixed with 300 and TMNT 3. Terrible shit all around.

We watched Jack And Jill and now we know that Adam Sandler was womb-mates with Satan. This movie was the reason the podcast was created and we finally got to it with episode 39. Hooray for us! The best parts of the movie were seconds before the credits and then during the credits. What a middle finger to us.

We watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and it made us pine for the simpler days when we all lived in cabins on a snowy mountaintop in NYC. Or at least this movie thinks there is one. We actually all liked this movie for the most part.

We watched The Expendables 3 (in the world's smallest theater) and now we want to hit up the gym and fill our mouths with cotton balls. Or just dude balls. This is the most homoerotic movie to hit cinemas since the last one. This movie was just 2 hours of boring. Oh, plus this is our homage to Robin Williams episode. We don't talk about him much in the episode because when we recorded it had just...

We watched Rites Of Passage because Bri thought it looked like a shitty horror movie. Instead we got a halfway decent movie that had all the make-up of a horror movie without the horror. Christian Slater was dressed as a scarecrow that smoked a ton of meth and killed people with a shotgun. Oh, and he also saw and talked to a Mexican sock monkey that represented his dead white child. It was confusi...

We watched Drop Zone but then immediately watched Sharknado 2, recorded the episode for Sharknado 2 and then immediately recorded the episode for Drop Zone. It was confusing and Sharknado 2 raped our minds so that we forgot most of Drop Zone. Listen as we force ourselves remember it via blurry conversation. Rio is really dead set on opening a dive bar called The Dive Bar. Phoenix wants to name it...

We watched Sharknado 2: The Second One which premiered days before on SyFy and now we are certified marine biologists. Want proof? We are some of the few people that know that sharks can exist inside a tornado without water. This movie was twice as bad as the first one but took 20 extra actors down with it. This movie is fucking huge and fucking terrible. It's not clever. It's not funny. It's not...

We watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III and now that we've gone green, we cannot go back. This movie was chosen by Brad as his going away movie. It was a tear filled episode complete with lots of crying, hugging, name calling, asshole-ry and a shitty movie about time travel. Brad had to blow out his microphone twice more before leaving the show. This movie is also a fond LIW farewell to our fi...

We watched House Party 5 and we learned a lot about how to throw a raging house party in which only one actual misfortune happens. For the first time in LIW history we had to re-do an episode. We recorded 45 minutes of material that mysteriously vanished so we had to restart. It pissed us off but we managed. We also have a new phrase to use on the show: toilet porn. This movie was apparently a com...

I watched Olympus Has Fallen and then immediately watched White House Down and tried to remember which was which. It's a VERSUS episode and the winner was very evident before the opening credits of each movie. Prepare for a solo episode featuring only myself. - Phoenix West

We watched Born To Win and now we associate a serious heroin addiction and lazy thievery as 'winning'. This movie was impossible to see or hear properly because of a terrible video transfer to the DVD format. This movie says it stars Robert DeNiro but he was only in 2 scenes so we felt betrayed. This movie was apparently about the New York heroin scene. It was impossible to follow.

We watched Gas and now we're moving to the hood to open up a hilarious gas station. Just so we can have barely audible conversations over traffic and music. This movie would have been funny if it had just a single Wayan's brother in it. This movie...don't bother watching it. It turns you into a gas-hole.

This week we watched Lil' Pimp and now we want to become polite pimps which is what this movie was about. This web series turned straight to dvd movie sure taught us the rules of pimp-dom. The story of this movie is basically served by making a child turn his mother into a prostitute. We learned, we laughed, we loved all over again. Mostly we were bored for 30 minutes of only an 80 minute movie. S...

(Warning: do not watch this weeks movie. Just let us do it for you.) We watched Pony Trouble because Brent hates us. For the next 7-8 episodes we are each bringing in a random movie to watch. The group does not see the movie until we are about to watch it. Week 1, Brent was chosen and his movie was Pony Trouble. It was the single worst piece of shit any of us have ever seen. It can only get better...

In this impromptu episode of LIW, we decided to run down our top 10 comic book movies a la the way we did with our sports edition. We didn't just stick with super hero movies either as most of the great ones aren't strictly super heroes. Strangely nobody voted for Barb Wire or Daredevil. Weird.

We watched a special movie for our 25th episode outing...Killer Klowns From Outer Space. A movie that Phoenix grew up watching and it might explain some of his life problems. The rest of the group hated the movie as expected but we got some great arguments out of it. One of the arguments in this episodes was pie versus cake. This episode really turned into a The Incredible Negative Men! episode. W...

We watched The Last Stand starring Governor McRib as a small town Arizona sheriff trying to stop the evil Cortez, played by Laker's power forward Pau Gasol, from crossing the border and now we want to hire Cortez's crew to fix our roads. His crew was equal amounts evil and efficient. A deadly mixture when it comes to crushing deadlines on road construction. This movie wasn't that bad so we trail o...

We watched LOL and now we desire a life in which we laugh more...out loud. Or a life that isn't 8th grade like these cast members seem to be permanently stuck in. This movie was about 12 minutes of plot stretched out over 97 minutes. Miley Cyrus was terrible. The plot was terrible. The characters were terrible. The movie overall somehow as just boring. Also, Mario gets mad at Brad and Joe because...

In this episode we decided to not watch a movie and instead focus on our ten favorite sports movies of all time. We chose some classics, some randoms and Phoenix's top 5 list is unheard of by the rest of the group. It's not his fault that Slap Shot is from the 70's. Either way, we deserved a break after the trio of The Hillz, Sky Captain and Meteor Man. Vacation well deserved.

In this episode we learned the true meaning of community via a meteor that rapes a man's chest. This movie was a best-of for LIW. It contained numerous rappers, out of place music and tons of blonde-haired gangsters.

We watched Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow and now we hate the future. This movie should have been amazing considering it's an awesome blend of 1940's and sci-fi but instead it's a boring train wreck. It would be like sleeping aboard the sinking Titanic.

We watched The Hillz and now we have fetishes for spelling errors and white gangsters. This movie was the more poorly edited, directed and written movie we've seen in a long time. By far the worst we've done on the show. This movie put April Fool's Day to shame. Alas, now we know that 90's gangster rap lied to us. Compton isn't the problem. The real ghetto is apparently the Hollywood Hills (Hillz)...

Awesome twist in the middle of a terrible movie.

We didn't watch April Fool's Day. See what I did there? Anyway, it was the super unknown version from 2008 which came nowhere near touching the 80's classic. In this episode we learned a thing or two about roofie-ing women for sex and/or murder or as we here at the show call it: romance. Some women just want more than others and the integrity of their drinks pay the price. Terrible movie with terr...