Hollywood Is Dead

In this installment we barely watched Puppet Master 4: The Demon. It was terrible. To be honest, most of this episode is just bullshitting about randomness instead of talking about the movie. We had to do this to avoid going insane.

In this installment we watched part 3 of the nonsensical series, Puppet Master. For the third movie in a row the writers of this series have re-written the history of their only overarching human character; Toulon. This movie is basically what would happen if Anne Frank's story involved more puppets and slightly less Nazi's. Fucking boring movie.

In this installment we continue to the sequel to Puppetmaster. However; things turned dim as we quickly realized the production values and acting talent took a quick swan dive for the sequel. This movie was a baffling mess of murder, rambling and sexual confusion that left us hopeful for part 3. Mostly, we were confused why Darkman was the puppet master in this one. Either that or Chevy Chase as t...

We watched Puppetmaster and now we can predict the future of puppetry. It's a dead art, turns out. On this cross-over show (Richard from Midnight With Robert Shaw and Phoenix from Loitering In Wonderland) we go through the Puppetmaster movies one at a time. This is part 1 of 11 before we move on to greener pastures. Meaning another terrible series. Send your suggestions to loiteringinwonderland@gm...

On this episode of The Phoenix West Show, I decided to watch a movie that was recent enough to hold your attention. I watched X-Men: Days Of Future Past. The most confusing title since Speed 2: Cruise Control and Major League: Back To The Minors. It's either one or the other, choose one. Is it the future or the past? We may never know. However, I did watch the movie and surprise, for once I enjoye...

(This is an audio only version of the video show, for video go to youtube.com/liwpodcast) On this episode of The Phoenix West Show, Phoenix breaks down the 2012 movie The ABC's Of Death letter by letter. Awful scene by awful scene. He also curses the name of Ti West because he's a terrible person. Stay tuned for more advances as far as the video/production goes.

(This is an audio only version of the video, for video go to youtube.com/liwpodcast) This time I focus my hate on 2011's You're Next which was actually released in 2013. Which should tell you something. This was was very pointless and slow which made for a recipe for booze.

I'm going to put The Phoenix West show on here for your listening pleasure despite the fact that it is a video show. If you like what you hear go to youtube.com/liwpodcast for more. For episode 1 I watched The Hunger Games: Catchign It was a real treat. These will be shorter in the future. Hopefully. That's not a promise. (Spoiler alert: the episodes do not get shorter.)

It was our Halloween episode so we watched Jason X and now we are confused why cowboys exist in the year 2455. Is your horror movie franchise starting to slip in the rental department? Fuck it! Head to space! That's what Jason X does for some reason. It follows the footsteps of other horror movie franchises Leprechaun and Hellraiser. This movie felt like soft-core porn without the tits. Although t...

We watched Timecop and now we have a craving for a guy doing the splits in short shorts. This movie is amazing. It managed to be a movie about JCVD kicking people in the face while not ONLY being a movie about JCVD kicking people in the face. It has an insane plot that they barely touch on. More time is spent explaining the fact that a man wants to become president. We recommend watching Timecop.

We watched Mortal Kombat and found out that Joe is basically a bottomless pit of information about the series. Odd for a man that's done so little mortal combatting in his life. his is the fighting movie for people that love spelling errors.

I watched Cursed and now I want to know where the holy fuck Joshua Jackson went. Is he on the Josh-island with Josh Hartnett? Oh, plus there is a bit of news on the show front after the review so listen up!

We watched 47 Ronin and liked 12 out of the 47. This movie stars the white devil. It's about roning. To be honest, we weren't really sure what it was about. Something about righting a wrong that can only end in mass suicide. Fucking stupid. It was The Last Samurai mixed with 300 and TMNT 3. Terrible shit all around.

We watched Jack And Jill and now we know that Adam Sandler was womb-mates with Satan. This movie was the reason the podcast was created and we finally got to it with episode 39. Hooray for us! The best parts of the movie were seconds before the credits and then during the credits. What a middle finger to us.

We watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and it made us pine for the simpler days when we all lived in cabins on a snowy mountaintop in NYC. Or at least this movie thinks there is one. We actually all liked this movie for the most part.

We watched The Expendables 3 (in the world's smallest theater) and now we want to hit up the gym and fill our mouths with cotton balls. Or just dude balls. This is the most homoerotic movie to hit cinemas since the last one. This movie was just 2 hours of boring. Oh, plus this is our homage to Robin Williams episode. We don't talk about him much in the episode because when we recorded it had just...

We watched Rites Of Passage because Bri thought it looked like a shitty horror movie. Instead we got a halfway decent movie that had all the make-up of a horror movie without the horror. Christian Slater was dressed as a scarecrow that smoked a ton of meth and killed people with a shotgun. Oh, and he also saw and talked to a Mexican sock monkey that represented his dead white child. It was confusi...

We watched Drop Zone but then immediately watched Sharknado 2, recorded the episode for Sharknado 2 and then immediately recorded the episode for Drop Zone. It was confusing and Sharknado 2 raped our minds so that we forgot most of Drop Zone. Listen as we force ourselves remember it via blurry conversation. Rio is really dead set on opening a dive bar called The Dive Bar. Phoenix wants to name it...

We watched Sharknado 2: The Second One which premiered days before on SyFy and now we are certified marine biologists. Want proof? We are some of the few people that know that sharks can exist inside a tornado without water. This movie was twice as bad as the first one but took 20 extra actors down with it. This movie is fucking huge and fucking terrible. It's not clever. It's not funny. It's not...

We watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III and now that we've gone green, we cannot go back. This movie was chosen by Brad as his going away movie. It was a tear filled episode complete with lots of crying, hugging, name calling, asshole-ry and a shitty movie about time travel. Brad had to blow out his microphone twice more before leaving the show. This movie is also a fond LIW farewell to our fi...

We watched House Party 5 and we learned a lot about how to throw a raging house party in which only one actual misfortune happens. For the first time in LIW history we had to re-do an episode. We recorded 45 minutes of material that mysteriously vanished so we had to restart. It pissed us off but we managed. We also have a new phrase to use on the show: toilet porn. This movie was apparently a com...

I watched Olympus Has Fallen and then immediately watched White House Down and tried to remember which was which. It's a VERSUS episode and the winner was very evident before the opening credits of each movie. Prepare for a solo episode featuring only myself. - Phoenix West

We watched Born To Win and now we associate a serious heroin addiction and lazy thievery as 'winning'. This movie was impossible to see or hear properly because of a terrible video transfer to the DVD format. This movie says it stars Robert DeNiro but he was only in 2 scenes so we felt betrayed. This movie was apparently about the New York heroin scene. It was impossible to follow.

We watched Gas and now we're moving to the hood to open up a hilarious gas station. Just so we can have barely audible conversations over traffic and music. This movie would have been funny if it had just a single Wayan's brother in it. This movie...don't bother watching it. It turns you into a gas-hole.

This week we watched Lil' Pimp and now we want to become polite pimps which is what this movie was about. This web series turned straight to dvd movie sure taught us the rules of pimp-dom. The story of this movie is basically served by making a child turn his mother into a prostitute. We learned, we laughed, we loved all over again. Mostly we were bored for 30 minutes of only an 80 minute movie. S...