History Squirt

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore the Mausoleum at Halicarnassus — a tomb so dramatic it rebranded the word “mausoleum” forever. Built for King Mausolus with sculptures, columns, and architectural flexing, it stood tall for centuries before earthquakes and opportunistic recycling got involved. Let’s squirt! Also, a word from our advertisers at The Secret. Topics: Mausoleum at Halicarn...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore the Temple of Artemis at Ephesus — a marble megastructure so impressive it made the ancient world collectively nod in approval. One of the Seven Ancient Wonders, it was burned down by a man whose only goal was immortality through arson. It worked. Let’s squirt! Topics: Temple of Artemis, Seven Ancient Wonders, Ephesus history, ancient Greek religion,...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore the history of the calendar — why January is first, why leap years exist, and why at one point entire countries just skipped 11 days and hoped no one noticed. From the Julian calendar to the Gregorian reform, timekeeping has always been a little chaotic. Let’s squirt! Topics: history of the calendar, Julian calendar, Gregorian calendar reform, New Yea...

In this episode of History Squirt , we unwrap the history of Santa Claus — from Saint Nicholas punching heretics in the 4th century to a red-suited global icon who enters homes uninvited once a year. It’s medieval sainthood, folklore evolution, commercial reinvention, and one very durable beard. Merry Squirtmas! Also, a word from our advertisers at The Manger. Topics: History of Santa Claus, Saint...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore Tulip Mania — the 17th-century Dutch economic bubble where flower bulbs became more expensive than houses and everyone briefly lost their collective mind. It’s speculation, financial hype, and the reminder that humans will absolutely trade reason for vibes. Let’s squirt! Also, a word from our advertisers at Toasty. Topics: Tulip Mania, Tulpenmanie, Du...

In this episode of History Squirt , we bring you two stories of warfare going embarrassingly wrong: first, Napoleon Bonaparte plans a triumphant rabbit hunt and is aggressively overrun by fluffy insurrection; then we jump to the 1969 Football War between Honduras and El Salvador, where a World Cup qualifier helped ignite real military conflict. Bunnies. Bullets. Human overreaction. Let’s squirt! T...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore Cassius Marcellius Clay — abolitionist, newspaper publisher, duelist, and walking threat response system. He survived assassination attempts, fought attackers with a Bowie knife, and loudly supported emancipation in a time and place where that was a dangerous hobby. This is 19th-century American politics with significantly more stabbing. Let’s squirt!...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore Montezuma II — emperor of the Aztec Empire who welcomed Hernán Cortés into Tenochtitlan and accidentally hosted one of the worst houseguests in world history. Diplomacy, prophecy panic, colonial conquest, and the collapse of an empire in real time. Let’s squirt! Topics: Montezuma II, Aztec Empire, Hernán Cortés, Spanish conquest of Mexico, Tenochtitla...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore Plutarch — ancient Greek biographer, philosopher, and professional comparer of dead famous men. His Parallel Lives shaped how we understand Roman and Greek heroes, proving that even in antiquity, ranking people was a hobby. Think ancient BuzzFeed, but with toga violence. Let’s squirt! Also, a word from our advertisers at The Suckle Project. Topics: Pl...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore the Great Pigeon Race Disaster of 1997 — when sixty thousand racing pigeons were released… and almost none of them came back. Weather? Confusion? Secret pigeon uprising? It’s competitive bird sports, national panic, and one extremely awkward results day. Let’s squirt! Also, a word from our advertisers at Angst Bank. Topics: Great Pigeon Race Disaster...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore Antonie van Leeuwenhoek — the Dutch linen merchant who accidentally founded microbiology by staring at pond water really, really hard. He discovered bacteria, sperm cells, and entire invisible ecosystems, then enthusiastically wrote letters about it to anyone who would listen. The man simply would not stop looking. Let’s squirt! Also, a word from our...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore the Hanging Gardens of Babylon — one of the Seven Ancient Wonders that may not have existed, might have been somewhere else, or could just be ancient PR. Lush terraces in the desert, engineering wizardry, and historians still arguing about whether the whole thing was basically Mesopotamian fan fiction. Let’s squirt! Also, a word from our advertisers a...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore the Isle of Sark — a tiny island that held onto feudalism until 2008, banned cars, and managed to be both medieval and modern at the same time. It’s microstate vibes, constitutional drama, and one very stubborn island refusing to update its software. Let’s squirt! Topics: Isle of Sark, modern feudalism, Channel Islands history, microstate politics, co...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore Halley’s Comet — the space rock that swings by every 76 years and sends humanity into mild existential panic. From medieval omens to 1910 gas-mask hysteria, this comet has terrified peasants, emperors, and newspaper editors alike. Let’s squirt! Topics: Halley’s Comet, comet history, astronomical events, medieval omens, 1910 comet panic, space history,...

In this episode of History Squirt , we remade The Monkey Song - a Victorian music hall anthem about a monkey who steals, fights, and causes social instability. It’s theatrical chaos, 19th century entertainment, and proof that humans have always found animal misbehaviour deeply relatable. Let’s squirt! Topics: The Monkey Song, Victorian music hall, 19th century entertainment, British theatre histor...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore the Statue of Zeus at Olympia — a 40-foot-tall gold-and-ivory god seated on a throne so extravagant it made other temples feel insecure. One of the Seven Ancient Wonders, built to impress, worshipped for centuries, and then… gone. Let’s squirt! Also, a word from our advertisers at Womb2Work. Topics: Statue of Zeus at Olympia, Seven Ancient Wonders, an...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore the Cadaver Synod — the time in 897 AD when Pope Stephen VI dug up the corpse of his predecessor, put it on trial, and yelled at it in front of a horrified audience. It’s medieval Catholic politics, revenge theatre, and one extremely dead defendant who still lost the case. Let’s squirt! Topics: Cadaver Synod, Pope Stephen VI, medieval papacy, Vatican...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore the Nika Riot — when chariot racing fans in Constantinople got so angry they nearly burned the Byzantine Empire to the ground. What started as sports rivalry turned into full-scale urban chaos, political rebellion, and Emperor Justinian wondering if maybe he should just leave. Let’s squirt! Topics: Nika Riot, Byzantine Empire, Constantinople history,...

In this episode of History Squirt, Nobunaga is unstoppable, until he very much isn’t. Part 2 is betrayal at Honnō-ji, political fallout, gunpowder warfare, and how one of Japan’s most powerful warlords was undone by his own inner circle. Also: tea ceremonies, because balance. Let’s squirt! Also, a word from... a company. Topics: Oda Nobunaga, Honnō-ji Incident, Sengoku Japan, samurai betrayal, Jap...

In this episode of History Squirt , we enter Sengoku-era Japan with Oda Nobunaga — warlord, reformer, and the man who looked at centuries of feudal chaos and said, “No.” Part 1 covers battlefield innovation, ruthless consolidation of power, and how Nobunaga earned the nickname “Demon King” by absolutely meaning it. Let’s squirt! Also, a special product review of a cashier saying “Hi, how are you g...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore Mansa Musa — emperor of the Mali Empire and possibly the richest human to ever exist. His pilgrimage to Mecca in 1324 flooded cities with gold, destabilised economies, and casually announced West Africa as a global power. This is wealth, spectacle, and one very shiny flex. Let’s squirt! Also, a word from our advertisers at Tranquil Collapse. Topics: M...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore Matilda of England — daughter of Henry II, sister of Richard the Lionheart, and Duchess of Saxony who somehow kept her composure while Europe repeatedly caught fire around her. This is royal diplomacy, exile, empire politics, and one medieval woman quietly outlasting the chaos. Let’s squirt! Also, a sneak peek at the new film Titanic 2. Topics: Matild...

In this episode of History Squirt , King John hits peak chaos. Part 2 covers rebellion, baronial rage, the signing of the Magna Carta, and a royal collapse so thorough it redefined English constitutional history. Sometimes your legacy is a legal document you were forced to sign. Let’s squirt! Also, a word from our advertisers at Lossage. Topics: King John, Magna Carta, medieval England rebellion,...

In this episode of History Squirt , we begin the saga of King John — brother of Richard the Lionheart, collector of enemies, and possibly the most disliked man in medieval England. Part 1 is betrayal, lost territories, heavy taxation, and the steady build-up to everyone collectively deciding he is the problem. Let’s squirt! Also, a word from our advertisers at Digital Penis. Topics: King John, med...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore the Colossus of Rhodes — a giant bronze statue so massive it became one of the Seven Ancient Wonders, then immediately faceplanted into history after an earthquake. Built to flex, destroyed by gravity, remembered forever. Let’s squirt! Also, a word from our advertisers at Wild Haven. Topics: Colossus of Rhodes, Seven Ancient Wonders, ancient Greek eng...