History Squirt

In this episode of History Squirt, we unpack "Nazi Finland" the wild, complicated WWII saga where Finland teamed up with Nazi Germany as a co-belligerent (not full ally, they insist) during the Continuation War (1941–1944). After getting hammered in the Winter War by the Soviets and losing territory, Finland cozied up to Hitler to reclaim land and push back against Stalin, letting German troops st...

In this episode of History Squirt, we dive into the Battle of Bosworth Field — the chaotic 1485 showdown that ended the Wars of the Roses with a bang (and a crown in a bush). King Richard III charges headlong into Henry Tudor's outnumbered forces, only for the Stanleys to flip sides at the last second, leading to Richard's dramatic death on the field and the rise of the Tudor dynasty. Marshy groun...

In this episode of History Squirt , Catherine now has the crown and absolutely zero intention of giving it back. Part 2 is empire expansion, rebellion crushing, Enlightenment flexing, and Catherine aggressively turning Russia into a European heavyweight while proving that staging a coup is only impressive if you can actually run the empire afterwards. Spoiler: she very much can. Let’s squirt! Topi...

In this episode of History Squirt , Catherine the Great is not great yet — she’s a German teenager shipped to Russia, married to Peter III, a man so aggressively unqualified for emperor that the entire court starts quietly reconsidering their life choices. Part 1 is frosty palace drama, strategic charm, calculated alliances, and the moment Catherine decides that if the throne is unstable, perhaps...

In this very dramatic 50th episode of History Squirt , Ron and Jason swap roles as we dive into the Battle of the Red Cliffs — the massive naval showdown at the end of the Han dynasty where fire ships, political genius, and a very unfortunate headwind turned Cao Cao’s mega-army into floating barbecue. It’s strategy, betrayal, and one of the most decisive battles in Chinese history — and we made it...

In this final episode of our Ancient Wonders series, HistorySquirt tackles the one wonder that refused to fall over, the Pyramids of Giza. Built for pharaohs, aligned with the stars, engineered with unsettling precision, and still standing while the other six wonders quietly disintegrated. This is tomb architecture, labour myths, ancient Egyptian ambition, and the ultimate “we meant it” monument....

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore Marcus Claudius Marcellus — Roman general, Gaul-slayer, and one of the last men to personally kill an enemy king in battle and take his armour as a trophy. This is Roman Republic violence in its purest, most theatrical form. Let’s squirt! Topics: Marcus Claudius Marcellus, Roman Republic, ancient Roman generals, Gallic wars, Roman military history, sp...

In this episode of History Squirt , Rasputin refuses to die. Poison fails. Bullets fail. Drowning mostly fails. Part 2 is conspiracy, assassination attempts, and the collapse of imperial Russia as one extremely durable mystic becomes legend. History’s most stubborn villain arc. Let’s squirt! Topics: Rasputin assassination, Russian Revolution era, Romanov downfall, Russian imperial court, historica...

In this episode of History Squirt , we meet Grigori Rasputin - Siberian mystic, faith healer, and professional rumour magnet. Part 1 follows his rise through the Russian imperial court, his influence over the Romanovs, and the growing suspicion that this barefoot holy man might be slightly too powerful. It ends with a crucifix and a very bad night. Let’s squirt! Topics: Rasputin, Russian Empire, R...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore Violet Morris - record-breaking French athlete, gender-norm defier, and eventual Nazi collaborator. A life that begins with sporting dominance and ends in wartime betrayal, this is one of history’s sharpest moral whiplashes. Let’s squirt! Topics: Violet Morris, women in sport history, interwar France, gender nonconformity history, Nazi collaboration,...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore whale-related history — exploding carcasses, industrial blubber economics, naval mishaps, and humanity repeatedly underestimating very large mammals. From whaling empires to bizarre maritime disasters, whales have been minding their business while humans make it weird. Let’s squirt! Topics: whale history, whaling industry, maritime disasters, explodin...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore Emperor Nero — lyre enthusiast, professional dramatist, and ruler of Rome during one extremely inconvenient fire. From artistic delusions to political purges, Nero ruled like a theatre kid handed absolute power and no supervision. It went about as well as you’d expect. Let’s squirt! Topics: Emperor Nero, Great Fire of Rome, Roman emperors, Julio-Claud...

In this episode of History Squirt, we explore Agrippina the Younger — Roman empress, political strategist, mother of Nero, and full-time operator in a world powered by paranoia. She maneuvered her way through imperial politics, possibly poisoned a husband, and raised a son who would eventually return the favour. Roman family dynamics were… intense. Let’s squirt! Topics: Agrippina the Younger, Roma...

In our worst episode yet, we explore the Lighthouse of Alexandria — ancient Egypt’s giant glowing middle finger to shipwrecks. One of the Seven Ancient Wonders, it stood for over a thousand years guiding sailors before earthquakes and time decided it had glowed enough. Big tower. Bigger ego. Let’s squirt! Topics: Lighthouse of Alexandria, Seven Ancient Wonders, Pharos of Alexandria, ancient Egypt...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore Sir Adrian Carton de Wiart — the British officer who lost an eye, a hand, survived multiple plane crashes, escaped a POW camp, and described war as “fun.” He was injured so often it became a personality trait. Let’s squirt! Topics: Adrian Carton de Wiart, World War I hero, World War II history, British military legends, war survival stories, decorated...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore Benedict Arnold — American Revolutionary War hero turned professional betrayal icon. He fought bravely, felt underappreciated, switched sides to the British, and permanently turned his name into shorthand for “don’t be that guy.” Let’s squirt! Topics: Benedict Arnold, American Revolution, Revolutionary War history, famous traitors, US independence, We...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore the Year of the Five Emperors — 193 AD, when Rome decided that one emperor simply wasn’t chaotic enough. Assassinations, auctions of the throne, military power grabs, and rapid regime turnover. It’s imperial musical chairs, but with legions. Let’s squirt! Also, a word from our advertisers at PPID. Topics: Year of the Five Emperors, Roman Empire crisis...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore the Mausoleum at Halicarnassus — a tomb so dramatic it rebranded the word “mausoleum” forever. Built for King Mausolus with sculptures, columns, and architectural flexing, it stood tall for centuries before earthquakes and opportunistic recycling got involved. Let’s squirt! Also, a word from our advertisers at The Secret. Topics: Mausoleum at Halicarn...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore the Temple of Artemis at Ephesus — a marble megastructure so impressive it made the ancient world collectively nod in approval. One of the Seven Ancient Wonders, it was burned down by a man whose only goal was immortality through arson. It worked. Let’s squirt! Topics: Temple of Artemis, Seven Ancient Wonders, Ephesus history, ancient Greek religion,...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore the history of the calendar — why January is first, why leap years exist, and why at one point entire countries just skipped 11 days and hoped no one noticed. From the Julian calendar to the Gregorian reform, timekeeping has always been a little chaotic. Let’s squirt! Topics: history of the calendar, Julian calendar, Gregorian calendar reform, New Yea...

In this episode of History Squirt , we unwrap the history of Santa Claus — from Saint Nicholas punching heretics in the 4th century to a red-suited global icon who enters homes uninvited once a year. It’s medieval sainthood, folklore evolution, commercial reinvention, and one very durable beard. Merry Squirtmas! Also, a word from our advertisers at The Manger. Topics: History of Santa Claus, Saint...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore Tulip Mania — the 17th-century Dutch economic bubble where flower bulbs became more expensive than houses and everyone briefly lost their collective mind. It’s speculation, financial hype, and the reminder that humans will absolutely trade reason for vibes. Let’s squirt! Also, a word from our advertisers at Toasty. Topics: Tulip Mania, Tulpenmanie, Du...

In this episode of History Squirt , we bring you two stories of warfare going embarrassingly wrong: first, Napoleon Bonaparte plans a triumphant rabbit hunt and is aggressively overrun by fluffy insurrection; then we jump to the 1969 Football War between Honduras and El Salvador, where a World Cup qualifier helped ignite real military conflict. Bunnies. Bullets. Human overreaction. Let’s squirt! T...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore Cassius Marcellius Clay — abolitionist, newspaper publisher, duelist, and walking threat response system. He survived assassination attempts, fought attackers with a Bowie knife, and loudly supported emancipation in a time and place where that was a dangerous hobby. This is 19th-century American politics with significantly more stabbing. Let’s squirt!...

In this episode of History Squirt , we explore Montezuma II — emperor of the Aztec Empire who welcomed Hernán Cortés into Tenochtitlan and accidentally hosted one of the worst houseguests in world history. Diplomacy, prophecy panic, colonial conquest, and the collapse of an empire in real time. Let’s squirt! Topics: Montezuma II, Aztec Empire, Hernán Cortés, Spanish conquest of Mexico, Tenochtitla...