History Squirt

In this episode of History Squirt, we continue our Achaemenid Empire series with the legendary (and ultimately disastrous) invasion of Greece by Xerxes the Great. Massive armies, the real story behind the 300 Spartans at Thermopylae, epic naval battles, the sacking of Athens, and one of the most chaotic royal successions in history. From eunuch assassins and brother-murdering princes to short-live...

In this episode of History Squirt, we continue our Achaemenid Empire series with one of the greatest administrators (and conquerors) in ancient history: Darius I, better known as Darius the Great. After seizing the throne through a mix of ambition, propaganda, and a very convenient story about a fake king, Darius rebuilt and massively expanded the Persian Empire. He created an efficient bureaucrac...

In this episode of History Squirt, we dive into the rise of one of history’s greatest empire-builders: Cyrus the Great. From a minor Persian prince to the founder of the Achaemenid Empire — the largest the world had ever seen — Cyrus conquered kingdoms, toppled the mighty Babylonians, and somehow managed to be remembered as a surprisingly fair ruler. He freed the Jews from captivity, let conquered...

In this episode of History Squirt, we dig into one of the most forgettable (and surprisingly chaotic) papacies in history: Pope Celestine II. Elected in 1143 after a bitter power struggle, this guy barely had time to unpack before he was dead. In just five short months he tangled with kings, tried to clean up the mess left by his predecessor, and then promptly exited stage left. Was he a reformer?...

In this episode of History Squirt, we countdown 16 of the most savage, creative, and downright nightmarish killings in recorded history. From a king stabbed in the ass while sitting on the toilet, to a monarch murdered by his own wife and her lover with a scorching hot poker shoved where the sun doesn’t shine, to a man who was flayed alive, stuffed with hay, and sewn back together like a grotesque...

In this episode of History Squirt, we dive into the most scandalous rise and fall in Tudor history. Anne Boleyn wasn’t just Henry VIII’s second wife — she was the woman who made a king dump his first queen, split from the Catholic Church, and rewrite English history… only to end up on the chopping block herself. Accusations of adultery, incest, witchcraft, and treason. A rushed trial. And one of t...

In this episode of History Squirt, we dive into the wild, scandalous life of Zoe Porphyrogenita — the purple-born Byzantine princess who turned palace intrigue into an extreme sport. Born into the imperial purple, she married three different emperors, allegedly poisoned one, helped overthrow another, and somehow ended up ruling the empire herself. Beauty, betrayal, political backstabbing, and enou...

In this episode of History Squirt, we dive into the absolute economic nightmare of 1920s Germany — when hyperinflation got so out of control that a loaf of bread cost billions of marks, people carried money in wheelbarrows, and banknotes were literally cheaper than firewood. We break down how the Weimar Republic went from struggling to full on financial apocalypse, the wild stories of everyday cha...

In this episode of History Squirt, we follow the wild ride of Peter the Hermit of Amiens — the charismatic, barefoot preacher who turned Pope Urban II’s call for a crusade into a full-blown peasant stampede. In 1096 he whipped up thousands of untrained, poorly armed followers into the People’s Crusade, leading them across Europe with fiery sermons and zero military plan. What followed was a chaoti...

In this episode of History Squirt, we continue the carnage with a countdown and roast of the absolute best (and most ridiculous) historical deaths from the AD era — all in glorious ladder-style battle royale format. From emperors, kings, and warriors to lunatics and larger-than-life personalities, expect bizarre accidents, gruesome executions, and plenty of suspicious circumstances. As always, we...

In this episode of History Squirt, we explore Phryne — the legendary courtesan of Ancient Greece whose beauty inspired artists, scandalised polite society, and may have helped her beat a capital charge in one of history’s most famous courtroom dramas. From humble beginnings to becoming one of the wealthiest women in Athens, Phryne navigated the worlds of politics, philosophy, art, and gossip with...

In this episode of History Squirt, we tackle one of Rome’s most humiliating near-misses: the Gallic sack of 390 BC. After crushing the Romans at the Battle of the Allia, Brennus and his barbarian horde storm into the city, burn and loot everything, and lay siege to the last holdouts on the Capitoline Hill. Just as the Gauls try a sneaky night climb to finish the job, Juno’s sacred geese raise the...

In this episode of History Squirt, we countdown and roast the absolute best (and most ridiculous) historical deaths from the BC era in a ladder style battle royale. Expect over-the-top demises, suspicious illnesses, battlefield drama, and our usual chaotic commentary on how these larger-than-life people met their makers. It’s history’s greatest hits of dying badly (or spectacularly). Let’s Squirt!...

**SPOILERS** This episode contains spoilers for the 3,000-year-old story of The Odyssey . We know you somehow never got around to reading it in the last three millennia, but you definitely had plans to start it really, really soon, and you meant it this time. Then you heard the movie was coming out and you decided it would be better to wait until after you’d seen it, so you could properly judge wh...

In this episode of History Squirt, we tell the chaotic true story behind one of the internet’s greatest memes: the “Succulent Chinese Meal” guy. In the early 1990s, eccentric Australian Jack Karlson was dramatically arrested outside a Chinese restaurant in Brisbane, delivering one of the most quotable meltdowns ever captured on camera. “This is democracy manifest!”, “Succulent Chinese meal!”, “Get...

In this episode of History Squirt, we dive into the outrageous life and even wilder death of Charles Vance Millar — the eccentric Canadian lawyer and businessman who turned his last will and testament into one of the greatest pranks in legal history. Dying in 1926, Millar left behind a deliberately chaotic will designed to troll Toronto’s high society: shares in a brewery to strict teetotaling pre...

In this episode of History Squirt, we explore the story of Charles Boycott — the 19th-century English land agent in Ireland whose ruthless rent collection tactics during the Irish Land War backfired spectacularly. In 1880, local tenants and the Irish Land League organized a total social and economic ostracism against him: no one would work his land, sell him goods, or even speak to him. His crops...

In this episode of History Squirt, we dive into the War of Spanish Succession — the massive early 18th-century European brawl (1701–1714) sparked when the last Habsburg King of Spain died without an heir, leaving his throne to Louis XIV’s grandson and threatening to create a super-power Franco-Spanish empire. Britain, Austria, the Dutch, and others formed a Grand Alliance to stop it, leading to ep...

In this episode of History Squirt, we dive into Charles Ponzi — the Italian-born con artist who promised investors insane profits and accidentally invented the Ponzi scheme. From postage stamp arbitrage to financial frenzy, Ponzi turned early 20th-century Boston into a get-rich-quick circus, paying old investors with new money while the whole thing ballooned out of control. It’s fraud, hype, and t...

In this episode of History Squirt, we reach the final chapter of Ned Kelly — where things escalate into full myth. Part 3 is the Glenrowan siege, homemade bulletproof armour, train derailment plots, and the dramatic last stand that cemented Kelly as both criminal and legend. It’s chaos, fire, and one man in a metal suit walking straight into history. Let’s Squirt! Topics: Ned Kelly Part 3, Glenrow...

In this episode of History Squirt, we continue the story of Ned Kelly as the Kelly Gang goes from local troublemakers to full-blown outlaw celebrities. Part 2 is bank robberies, hostage situations, police humiliation, and a growing legend fuelled by bold heists and even bolder public statements. As colonial authorities scramble to regain control, Kelly leans all the way in — turning crime into the...

In this episode of History Squirt, we dive into Ned Kelly — Australia’s most famous bushranger, outlaw folk hero, and professional problem for colonial law enforcement. Part 1 covers his rough upbringing in rural Victoria, clashes with police, life on the run, and the slow build toward the Kelly Gang becoming public enemies number one. It’s frontier justice, bank robberies, shootouts, and the orig...

In this episode of History Squirt, we dig into the wild true story of Colonel Harland Sanders, the man who turned a gas station kitchen into a global fried chicken empire. From humble beginnings in rural Kentucky, and multiple failed careers, Sanders hit the road with his secret 11 herbs and spices recipe, franchising Kentucky Fried Chicken and becoming the white-suited, goateed icon, we all know....

In this episode of History Squirt, we meet Marcus Valerius Corvus — the legendary Roman hero who became consul at just 23, served six times as consul, twice as dictator, and supposedly lived to the ripe old age of 100. But the real star of the show? A massive Gallic warrior challenges the Romans to single combat, young tribune Valerius steps up, and then a raven swoops in, perches on his helmet, a...

In this episode of History Squirt, we uncover the Gold of Toulouse — one of the most infamous heists and curses in ancient history. When the Romans sacked the city of Tolosa (modern Toulouse) in 106 BC during the Cimbrian War, they looted over 50 tons of gold and silver from sacred temples. Almost immediately the treasure vanished under mysterious circumstances, with most of the Roman soldiers gua...