Hey, Cool Life!

This one is about petulance. And how tiny tantrums are distractions from fear and uncertainty that need to be processed. This is also about the small routines I put in place so that muscle memory can carry me on days where I need extra help.

This one is about rehearsing tragedy and the illusion that it will prepare you for or even forestall sad things. It’s about superstitions around hyper vigilance and how you’re “allowed” to struggle with non coronavirus issues.

This is about what it’s like to finish a contemporary YA novel set in New York when everything you’ve ever known has radically changed. This is about giving your work the blessing to be as it wants to. And to let it go with confidence and gratitude even if it feels moot because it will find its audience eventually.

This is about our teammates during this global pandemic (partners, roommates, siblings, kids, parents). And how they are different from us. Their traumas, their stories, their personalities and needs aren’t moral issues. This is also a reminder that we are as annoying as they are so patience and compassion is what we can control. This is also a call to check in if we have unrealistic goals set so...

Last night I was on a rampage to try to get home to NY from LA. This is a note that for me these urgent, all-consuming thoughts are futile attempts at control. There is what I want and there is what is happening. Trying to change reality only amounts to suffering. This is also a gentle reminder that meditation is available. And that imperfect meditation is a salve because perfect meditation doesn’...

A loving reminder not to lash out at the people around you who prevent you from completely dissociating. Reality is intolerable but they’re our lifelines not our anchors.

This is about how I am personally coping at the moment. And how this is a time to be patient and compassionate with yourself. And to try and not self abandon by checking in with people.

We’re only as sick as our secrets and sometimes our secrets are stories we tell ourselves that we don’t even know we’re telling ourselves. Here are some framing techniques and tools I use to suss them out.

This one is about forcing yourself to work in a spirit of shame and punishment. And how even on deadline it can be vital to the quality of work to take real, restorative breaks.

This is about dread as it relates to projects you’ve abandoned and become scared of and how to lovingly return to them. And how mindfulness around small acts of sabotage can be enlightening about how fear governs larger things in your life.

This one is about how people-pleasing glosses over your true feelings. And that thinking of others before yourself can become a total resentment fireball.

This one is about contrary action. Sometimes the kindest, gentlest thing to do is nothing. Not picking up your addiction. Abstaining from the actions that lead to the headspace that causes cravings. But it’s also about doing small actions in opposition to these noisy thoughts so you can build muscle memory around what it feels like to endure these moments. And to prove to yourself that the moment...

This is about how intuition doesn’t yell or chide or browbeat. And how to tell if the ideas you’re having are intuition or distraction or addiction.

This one is about how to handle options. About what to do when you have to make a decision and the stakes are high. It’s about how to choose without the obsession, sleepless number crunching and asking a million questions that other people often don’t have the answers to because they’re not f’in clairvoyant. It’s about trusting that you’ll be okay no matter the outcome.

This one is about gratitude. And exhaustion. It’s also about book tour and surrender around discomfort and neutrality around outcome.

This is about gratitude. And living in the moment of how cool and worthy your art is no matter the verdict.

Boundaries rule! This ep is about how to set boundaries within your self and the practice of dedicating a discrete hour in the day to take the most considered actions around a task that feels overwhelming. And how that can quiet the mind from grinding gears recursively and obsessively without actually doing anything.

This is about not saying yes to no things. And giving yourself permission not to do the most.

This one is about how sometimes we may conflate fatigue with a moral issue. Like, I’m tired; WHAT DID I DO WRONG? And an invitation for gentleness when it comes to large-scale projects because perfectionism is not tenable.

This one is about indecision and ruminating. And how tiring inaction actually is. Plus, a simple decision tree I use when the anxiety is super confusing and I don’t know how best to use my time.

This is about non-reactivity around my parents in 100+ degree weather. And how the stories I tell myself are just stories (even if they are about old wounds.) And that for all my future tripping and magical thinking around family, my parents probably have deeply skewed ideas and expectations about me too. And it all just is.

Today is my one year birthday in recovery. And here are some thoughts about emotional homework, kindness to your internal creative spirit and holiday hangovers in whatever form they take. Have a gentle day.

Wherein I try to forgive myself for having fun even though it might not be “good” for me. And muddling through why I’m convinced I’ll be punished because these foolhardy acts MUST be self sabotage. (They could be; I don’t know!)

“If you weren’t worried about it, would it even be a problem?” This is about how the brain, as an awesome and creative defense mechanism, likes to believe that it can “solve” the future through ruminating. But is RIGHT NOW as it relates to safety, food, love, really that terrible? My brain just thinks it’s helping and I am trying to find gratitude in that without it taking me out of the present.

Fear has no arms and legs. It’s only when it compels you to action or inaction that it can truly bite you. This is for those days that you feel entitled to things you can’t seem to find—wisdom, insight, skill—and the self-loathing that can come from this hubris. Another reminder that creativity and recovery are not linear and accepting where you are TODAY can be a salve.