Hello Dysfunction

We’re sweating again, Billy had a pet raccoon, Pat’s vagina is causing serious problems and men shouldn’t work in gynecology. Is WW3 upon us, we’re not fighting to survive, Crystal is still talking to strangers and Peez wants long arms.  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Inst...

Marcellus Williams shouldn’t have died, deathbed confessions are common, skunks are REEKING havoc and the car problems continue. We’re all tired of gross men, Pata Fria is a vehicular genius, kids driving and humans functioning with exposed brain deserve recognition. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodys...

We’re ALL in trouble, Pata Fria and Carolyn are sisters, cigarettes are Crystal’s love language and dentists are scamming. Everyone’s getting hacked, FB marketplace is addicting, Crystal hates babies and Pat wants to be poly again. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram....

Carolyn has had enough of Crystal, Peez is making great choices, decorating is fun and Stinkers has been having a rough week. Our kids are never moving out, we enjoy being recognized, pay attention to new moles and there’s a video going around that will terrify everyone.  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hel...

We saw baby bobcats! don’t discuss dreams till after you eat, RIP Phil Donahue, don’t punish your statues and Pata Fria finally moved. Fully screen anyone around your kids, keep your episodes out of our DM’s, camping was a good time and Peez doesn’t bite her tongue. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysf...

Happy Anniversary to Crystal and Mark!, T needs to leave Crystal alone, be careful who you’re doing favors for and Carolyn wants Jake. Pata Fria is trying new hair colors, Peez is growing up, stop finding creative uses for poop and grind your own meat.  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follo...

Pata Fria has a shoulder injury, Crystal can see the notes from her psych evaluation, avoid processed meats and pervs are hiding cameras. Someone sh*t near Pata Fria’s head, finally some great news, the garage sale is Sunday and cottage cheese is currently that girl.  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellody...

Pata Fria has different hair, Nyah’s party was a success, Peez is still being Peez and Crystal completed a very important appointment. Pata Fria has been manic and sweaty, Crystal ran into the awesome spouse of a listener, we’ve made some great friends as adults and strangers can be very dangerous.  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTu...

We’ve had a rough week. Nyah’s cotillion is coming, Pata Fria played a crazy prank, Carolyn acted a fool in Target and there’s a special use for tape. Kamala is not a good person, justice for Sonya Massey, Pata Fria is collecting garbage and Crystal lives in a spider sanctuary. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.co...

We had some beauty treatments, it’s Jimbo’s birthday, Stinkers might need surgery and our judicial system is a JOKE. Mosquitos are evil, what’s your communion snack, thrifting requires dedication and our presidential process is embarrassing.  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG:...

We’re back!! Crystal is feeling better, the hot weather is annoying, Charlene got Carolyn for her retirement gift and books are being enjoyed. Crystal’s adhd screening is moving forward, another garage sale is happening, Pata Fria was able to see her daughter and men are still disgusting. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https:/...

The presidential debate was embarrassing, it’s now illegal to be homeless, happy birthday Bunny and Peez allows Crystal to sing with her. Stevi is truly Crystal’s child, there was almost a tragic accident, exes were hoping Pata Fria got killed and the Bay Area is getting scary again.  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://you...

Happy Juneteenth! The episodes are climbing, Pata Fria has mom hair, is praying for a new house and starting sleeping pills. This is a fitness podcast, we love to see people caring for themselves, older kids are HARD and parenting worries never stop. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow u...

Pata Fria was sick, Richard has the best awkward experience yet, Bay Area apartments are SAD and boy moms are not ok. Keep your kids out of your social media career, your job isn’t the family you think it is, spiders been on a roll lately and dark disgusting books are fun. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@he...

We’re recovering from a busy week, stomach bugs are going around, Peez is very two-faced and Crystal has a new hangout. Angering update about Graham, we hate a fake girls girl, Mark did an amazing thing and Pata Fria might be moving to Vermont. !!FREE PALESTINE!! For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunc...

Crystal created an amazing protein drink, the workouts continue, we’re fond of mullets and Peez is not being nice. There are some cool discounts for low income people, an eventful first day of work, protect cheddar bay biscuits and beware of sneaky calories. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction...

Hot weather is upon us, pollen is in full attack mode, Crystal got stretched and mental health is a constant struggle. Music in the 90s was filth, we are not confident surgeons, don’t answer your door for strangers and we love movies that are aesthetically pleasing. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysf...

Don’t drink milk. Pistachio desserts are top tier. If you see someone stealing no you didn’t and dogs don’t wanna be cops. All of May is Pata Fria’s birthday, Crystal had an amazing dream, let’s restart our meds and always choose the bear.  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: I...

Pata Fria got her lips fixed and did some spring cleaning, Crystal has been spending some time in the community, the universe has been on Richard’s ass and Crystal now has a handler. Carolyn has a creepy admirer, don't scam people, don’t lie on people don’t spend your kid’s money and let people protest in peace!  FREE PALESTINE  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hello...

We’re back! Crystal was sick, William almost died, Carolyn is getting security cameras and anxiety has been ruining Pata Fria’s plans. Middle school kids are bad, Crystal interrupted an adventure, don’t use liquid car fresheners and avoid self checkouts. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Foll...

Carolyn and Pata Fria are out of control, it’s SA Awareness Month, we’re praying for a new reality show and if you exploit ppl you deserve to be a little scammed. FREE PALESTINE. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Insta...

FREE PALESTINE and s/o any countries finally stepping in, check online for unclaimed money, treat yourself to a new bra, it’s hard to stay asleep and Pata Fria is exploring age play. Keep sending us your lie stories and write ins and please subscribe/comment/rate and review! For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@...

Cemeteries are shady, we’re clearing out some merch, mail is still being stolen and Crystal’s ghost is getting personal. We may have discovered the cutest job ever, there’s a movie to look forward to, respect people that wanna leave the party and unexpected blessings are always nice. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://yout...

Chemtrails are making us sick, be careful at CVS, the caregiver saga continues and Pata Fria’s exes are all in sync. Let’s try fake toenails, Crystal has new animals, population concerns are really about capitalism and BBL’s do not SMELL! For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Ins...

Being a woman is fun, said no one ever. Crystal is experiencing life thru a new lens. Brain disorders really hinder being a human and Pata Fria overcame a fear. Crystal is still functioning as a death doula, women’s hygiene products are top tier, businesses are leaving, humanity is evaporating and you gotta be careful around dogs. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hel...