Hello Dysfunction

Pata Fria was sick, Richard has the best awkward experience yet, Bay Area apartments are SAD and boy moms are not ok. Keep your kids out of your social media career, your job isn’t the family you think it is, spiders been on a roll lately and dark disgusting books are fun. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@he...

We’re recovering from a busy week, stomach bugs are going around, Peez is very two-faced and Crystal has a new hangout. Angering update about Graham, we hate a fake girls girl, Mark did an amazing thing and Pata Fria might be moving to Vermont. !!FREE PALESTINE!! For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunc...

Crystal created an amazing protein drink, the workouts continue, we’re fond of mullets and Peez is not being nice. There are some cool discounts for low income people, an eventful first day of work, protect cheddar bay biscuits and beware of sneaky calories. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction...

Hot weather is upon us, pollen is in full attack mode, Crystal got stretched and mental health is a constant struggle. Music in the 90s was filth, we are not confident surgeons, don’t answer your door for strangers and we love movies that are aesthetically pleasing. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysf...

Don’t drink milk. Pistachio desserts are top tier. If you see someone stealing no you didn’t and dogs don’t wanna be cops. All of May is Pata Fria’s birthday, Crystal had an amazing dream, let’s restart our meds and always choose the bear.  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: I...

Pata Fria got her lips fixed and did some spring cleaning, Crystal has been spending some time in the community, the universe has been on Richard’s ass and Crystal now has a handler. Carolyn has a creepy admirer, don't scam people, don’t lie on people don’t spend your kid’s money and let people protest in peace!  FREE PALESTINE  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hello...

We’re back! Crystal was sick, William almost died, Carolyn is getting security cameras and anxiety has been ruining Pata Fria’s plans. Middle school kids are bad, Crystal interrupted an adventure, don’t use liquid car fresheners and avoid self checkouts. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Foll...

Carolyn and Pata Fria are out of control, it’s SA Awareness Month, we’re praying for a new reality show and if you exploit ppl you deserve to be a little scammed. FREE PALESTINE. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Insta...

FREE PALESTINE and s/o any countries finally stepping in, check online for unclaimed money, treat yourself to a new bra, it’s hard to stay asleep and Pata Fria is exploring age play. Keep sending us your lie stories and write ins and please subscribe/comment/rate and review! For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@...

Cemeteries are shady, we’re clearing out some merch, mail is still being stolen and Crystal’s ghost is getting personal. We may have discovered the cutest job ever, there’s a movie to look forward to, respect people that wanna leave the party and unexpected blessings are always nice. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://yout...

Chemtrails are making us sick, be careful at CVS, the caregiver saga continues and Pata Fria’s exes are all in sync. Let’s try fake toenails, Crystal has new animals, population concerns are really about capitalism and BBL’s do not SMELL! For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Ins...

Being a woman is fun, said no one ever. Crystal is experiencing life thru a new lens. Brain disorders really hinder being a human and Pata Fria overcame a fear. Crystal is still functioning as a death doula, women’s hygiene products are top tier, businesses are leaving, humanity is evaporating and you gotta be careful around dogs. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hel...

Phone service was down, stay away from minors, numbing spray works wonders and we’re full of worms. Girl Scouts are cancelled, celebrities are gross and be careful with plumping lip gloss! For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpata...

Happy Valentine’s Day, don’t eat bees, tweakers are so horny and drugs aren’t safe to experiment with anymore. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories: hellodysfu...

We had a little technical difficulty in the beginning but here we are. Testing new lighting, football fans are insane, perimenopause is upon us and being alone is pleasant. We love an ice cream sandwich family, Crystal might need to upgrade her cigs, 9-11 is still on speed dial and dress for the partner you want.  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Sub...

Crystal had Covid, let’s read books, the rain won’t stop and getting old is not a good time. Prepare your kids for adulthood, women are pervs too, don’t ask people their body count and always be aware of your surroundings. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hello...

Peez has new pets, resellers are still annoying, physical reactions to genocide are normal and Rick Owens is a good brand to support. Could your dad be a serial killer, the universe gave us each other, be careful at the hospital and decorate your house however makes you happy. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com...

Riding with Crystal is an adventure, Peez has been cussing a LOT, Pata Fria is having a really bad week and we’re all ingesting plastic. Do you ever plan for prison in your head, Crystal has a great new client, no that’s not a stuffed animal and a period ain’t stopping nothing but a sentence. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! htt...

We love a good garage sale but hate reseller price gouging. Crystal met an animal that doesn’t love her for once. Don’t raise your kids to be mean girls and don’t spend your money with terrible companies. CEASEFIRE NOW, END THE OCCUPATION, FREE PALESTINE. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Fol...

Xmas is still going, we love a man’s man, women need to carry guns and we would actually be really bad cops. Pata Fria might start taking tattoo appts, our government is the worst of the worst, Crystal isn’t great at remembering names and just don’t eat Carolyn’s cooking. FREE PALESTINE, CEASEFIRE NOW, END THE OCCUPATION.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the co...

The hangout was a success, making your partner a mixtape is true love, Crystal got to share some holiday spirit and Santa has been commodified. Bingo gets SERIOUS, practice proper pharmacy etiquette, Peez is loving cuss words and Pata Fria has been having some terrible dreams. Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is...

We’re back after a month.  The flu is not playing fair, Crystal is hit with tragedy once again and losing Carl was a loss for so many.  Who’s doing the hiring at Richmond Kaiser, Crystal is enjoying a new meat, Charlene had a favorite roadside hustler and don’t support soft white underbelly.  For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.c...

Crystal has on cute socks and Pata Fria is losing her voice. Migraines can ruin your life, toddlers are insane, coffee and books have been the vibe this week and boycotting works. Oil pulling has begun, men are not ok, Hollywood is full of pedos and abusers and this week we got some great write ins.  For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://y...

Pata Fria’s whole house is sick, wear your shoes while you can because they crumble, beware of the Bernie’s and please keep spreading the truth about this genocide. Client flashbacks are fun, Crystal has been making more friends, the older you get the less clingy you are and exposure therapy really works.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own...

Mark is on a honeymoon with his mom, FREE PALESTINE, always acknowledge rock ‘n roll, STD’s have a dark origin, discovering new coffees is fun and diaper rash cream saves the day.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com a...