Heavy Hands

Our Max, who art in N'awlins, Blessed be thy name. Read my huge, two part breakdown of Joshua Van vs Brandon Royval on Substack: https://open.substack.com/pub/facepunching/p/joshua-van-vs-brandon-royval-part?r=evbq&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true   Sumo is back, and that means more Heavy Henka with Miguel Class, coming soon to the Heavy Hands Patreon: https://www.patreon.c...

A couple weeks ago we got Ilia Topuria and Joshua Van. Now we've got Tallison Teixeira and Steve Garcia. Oh well. The first part of my breakdown of Joshua Van vs Brandon Royval FREE on substack: https://open.substack.com/pub/facepunching/p/joshua-van-vs-brandon-royval-part?r=evbq&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true   Payton Talbott also got a big test at UFC 317 and, while it...

Ilia Topuria has now killed all of your favorite fighters. His next target: your mom. Payton Talbott also got a big test at UFC 317 and, while it wasn't perfect, he showed real improvement. We're talking about that in our latest bonus episode: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u CONTENTS: 6:36 Topuria vs Oliveira 29:50 Pantoja vs K...

The UFC is making an effort to feature all their brightest young talent at UFC 317. It's an actual, honest-to-god pay-per-view card! Discussing Hill-Rountree, Usman-Buckley, and everything else we missed in our latest bonus episode: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Subscribe/listen to the pod:  Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u CONTENTS: 00:00 Intro (& Jon Jones...

Sean O'Malley once again had a terrible gameplan. But at least he wasn't alone.  Joe Pyfer assumes Kelvin Gastelum isn't good enough to survive one round, gets confused and angry when he does. Hear us talk about it in our latest bonus episode: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u   

Sean O'Malley barely had any success at all in his first fight with Merab Dvalishvili, which means Merab had better be careful in the rematch... because it can only get tougher. There's another yokozuna in the world of sumo--our second new grand champion this year. Join us on Patreon for a breakdown of Onosato's historic rise in the latest episode of Heavy Henka: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands...

Meet the new Apex card, somehow worse than the old Apex card. That's why, after discussing the only two good fights, we decided to give each of the UFC's 11 weight classes a nice, thorough checkup. There's another yokozuna in the world of sumo--our second new grand champion this year. Join us on Patreon for a breakdown of Onosato's historic rise in the latest episode of Heavy Henka: https://www.pa...

Michael Morales is already good, it's only a matter of time till he actually learns to fight. Sumo is back, which means Heavy Henka with Miguel Class is back too! Experience peak male performance with us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u

Jack Della Maddalena earned the belt the right way: by winning one hell of a good fight. Sumo is back, which means Heavy Henka with Miguel Class returns in just ONE WEEK. Experience peak male performance with us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u

The everyman champ, the action hero, the evil queen, and some French lady. What a lineup! My in-depth breakdown of Alexander Volkanovski's brilliant win over the terrifying Diego Lopes: https://facepunching.substack.com Hear us talk about Sandhagen-Figueiredo and some UFC 315 undercard action (JOSE ALDO) on our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.co...

Ian Garry finally remembered what made him a good fighter in the first place. My in-depth breakdown of Alexander Volkanovski's brilliant win over the terrifying Diego Lopes: https://facepunching.substack.com   More on Anthony Smith's laughable tribute, Bo Nickal's quest to become the most hated man in the sport, and JELLY ROLL--on our latest bonus episode: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands   Heav...

In this case, the nerd is the cool guy chain smoking at the bar. My in-depth breakdown of Alexander Volkanovski's brilliant win over the terrifying Diego Lopes: https://facepunching.substack.com   Support us and get access to bonus episodes and more on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands   Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u    

Now come the days of the king. May they be blessed. More of the finer points of the facepunching: https://facepunching.substack.com Support us and get access to bonus episodes and more on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u

Miguel Class steps to help break down the UFC's shocking decision to put on some decent fights. How the UFC has squandered the potential of Steve Erceg, possibly forever: https://facepunching.substack.com Yair Rodriguez vs Patricio Pitbull and more UFC 314 breakdowns on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands   Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u  

This Steve Erceg kid is really going places. The bottom of the Marianas Trench, for example. A closer look at Steve Erceg's struggles coming soon to the Finer Points of Facepunching: https://facepunching.substack.com It was a soul-crushing month of sumo for those of us who like a man with a little body hair. Miguel Class returns to talk about it on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy...

A few words about the passing of George Foreman, and then we talk about an Englishman getting mugged by the Brady Bunch. Move over Magomed Ankalaev, there's a new choke artist in town. My latest at the Finer Points of Facepunching: https://facepunching.substack.com/p/move-over-magomed-ankalaev-theres?r=evbq Wood vs Charriere and more from UFC London on the Heavy Hands Patreon: https://www.patreon....

Just one more title shot, sir? It's not so much to ask. Move over Magomed Ankalaev, there's a new choke artist in town. My latest at the Finer Points of Facepunching: https://facepunching.substack.com/p/move-over-magomed-ankalaev-theres?r=evbq Sumo is back! The first of two episodes of Heavy Henka up now on the Heavy Hands Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www....

Alex Pereira beat Magomed Ankalaev at his own game (fighting with as little effort as possible).  Move over Magomed Ankalaev, there's a new choke artist in town. My latest at the Finer Points of Facepunching: https://facepunching.substack.com/p/move-over-magomed-ankalaev-theres?r=evbq  New episodes of our sumo recap series Heavy Henka coming to the Heavy Hands Patreon next week: https://www.patreo...

Magomed Ankalaev has been frustrating us for nearly a decade. But does he have what it takes to frustrate Alex Pereira? In our latest bonus episode, Phil explains Grappler Baki. I thought it was a comic about fighting, but it turns out it's more about watersports: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u  

We're not angry, we're just disappointed. In our latest bonus episode, Phil explains Grappler Baki. I thought it was a comic about fighting, but it turns out it's more about watersports:  https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands   Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u  

Will Song Yadong turn a corner against an aging Henry Cejudo? Will Anthony Hernandez become just another victim of Brendan Allen's anti-grappler mojo? Will I come up with a third rhetorical question to wrap up this description? Talking Youssef Zalal, Angela Hill, Elijah Smith, and more in our latest bonus episode: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop...

Thank goodness we got to see it a second time.   More like SharabullSHIT Magomedov, right? For more jokes like this, please listen to our latest bonus episode: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u  

Dricus Du Plessis returns to run back the only boring fight he's ever had. HYPE. More like SharabullSHIT Magomedov, right? For more jokes like this, please listen to our latest bonus episode: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u  

The ant thing is crazy but I'm still stuck on how perfectly smooth they made Anthony Pettis. No human being is that glossy.  BIG THINGS HAPPENING in the world of sumo! A wild tournament, a three-way playoff, and a new yokozuna! All of that in the latest episode of Heavy Henka: https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u  

What with Merab Dvalishvili's internal combustion engine and Islam Makhachev's positronic brain, it looks like curtains for humanity. January has been one hell of a chaotic month for sumo. Miguel Class returns to break down the action in the latest episode of Heavy Henka:  https://www.patreon.com/heavyhands Heavy Hands merch: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/64577943?asc=u