HEALTHY FAMILY CONNECTIONS

In this episode Neil addresses the challenge of kids being unproductive with their time over the holiday break. Too often kids will quickly fill unstructured time with activities on their electronic devices and fighting that can be a source of parental frustration. Neil stresses the importance of teaching kids to use their time well and helps parents set up a planning session with their children a...

In this episode Neil helps the listener see adolescence as a journey with three distinct stages. He describes the developmental tasks of each stage and key parenting objectives and reminds us that young adulthood is the final stage of adolescence. Neil challenges the listener to see adolescents, who are making mistakes or struggling, as needing us and to suspend judgment and help them feel worthwh...

In this episode Neil responds to a mother struggling with her son whose only way to calm himself down is by playing video games. When parents take his Internet access away, he can become violent. Neil sees that this youngster is struggling with an emotional dysregulation disorder and helps Mom realize the severity of the situation. He then goes on to present a path forward to ending the family Con...

In this episode Neil responds to a mother concerned that she's going to be doing a lot of cooking and entertaining on Thanksgiving, with no family support from her husband or teenagers. Neil uses this mother's dilemma as an opportunity to help her bring "Team Family" together to make a special day for everyone. In the process Mom learns how to go from a model of supporting and serving to a model o...

In this episode, Neil responds to mother whose 14 year-old daughter suffers from anxiety, yet won't cooperate with treatment. Parents feel handcuffed setting limits because their daughter gets all A's in school and they don't want to add to her stress. Neil identifies the family control battle and offers critical steps the parents can take now. Neil reviews the many sources of stress plaguing teen...

In this episode, Neil relates a coincidence of sitting next to and talking with a psychologist who is an expert in bullying behavior on a plane flight and he relays her message of the importance of secure attachment to healthy empathic behavior in children and teens. Neil then looks at the link between bullying and what often goes on to be sexual harassment in the workplace and domestic violence....

In this episode, Neil interviews Dr. Valerie Quandt, Principal of Jordan Middle School in Palo Alto California, on the subject of bullying in middle schools. Dr. Quandt offers her insight into the changes in bullying behavior from the hallways to the social apps. and her awareness of the effect of the changes in the political tone on bullying behavior. The discussion includes who is most vulnerabl...

In this episode, Neil responds to a mother's frustration that telling her 21 year old and her 16 year old daughters what she expects is getting her no place. In this episode, Neil helps her find her voice and the self-respect to use it. Neil explains the importance of kids respecting their parents in order to develop self-respect. He reflects on the frequent societal norm of girls and women not be...

In this episode, Neil responds to a mother's concern that her kids don't have friends. She worries that they are being bullied as she was in school. Neil uses this mother's question as an opportunity to kick off Bullying Awareness Month. Neil takes a look at what bullying is, where it is, who gets bullied, who bullies, and how we can start to deal with it. He explains that empowered kids are the l...

In this episode, Neil responds to a mother's concern that her kids are constantly fighting and being mean to each other. She doesn't want to referee the fights, but she wants things to change. Neil talks about the critical nature of sibling relationships and how to establish values and behaviors that children and teens will honor. Neil invites listeners to examine whether they are asking enough of...

In this episode, Neil responds to a mother who struggles parenting her 8 yr. old and is riddled with guilt and anxiety. Neil helps this Mom understand the role that childhood trauma and abuse is playing in her life, and how to shift out of survival mode, to a place of health and recovery. In this dynamic podcast, Neil invites the listener to examine how they were "programmed" in childhood and invi...

In this episode, Neil responds to mother who feels no one in her family is getting their emotional needs met. Neil offers the listener a deep understanding of emotional needs, and why many people don't get theirs met or know how to meet the needs of others. Neil offers some powerful tools for addressing emotional needs even under the most difficult circumstances and he includes some realistic scen...

In this episode, Neil responds to a question from a mother struggling in control battles with several kids at the same time. Neil cautions this mother about her likely parental burnout and offers her a new path forward. Neil explains the difference between being "other-person oriented" and "self-oriented" and how the former invites resistance and the latter invites healthy child and adolescent dev...

In this episode, a father wants to know if his son who gives up easily is suffering from low self-confidence and what to do about it. Neil responds to this dad by reminding him that the way we frame a problem will decide how we deal with it. Neil offers a way to think about the problem that will let Dad help his son develop a "growth mindset". Neil ends the podcast by challenging all parents to as...

In this podcast, Neil responds to a Mom who wants to establish rules and limits with her 16 year old that haven't previously been in place. The catch is, her daughter is strong willed and Mom anticipates her daughter feeling like she is losing something she already has and fighting and arguing. Neil discusses the issue of innate temperament in kids and how to help them understand and appreciate th...

In this podcast, Neil responds to a Dad who is stuck between backing off and letting his son fail, and fighting and arguing to get him to do his work. Neil shows this Dad and all parents how to set the school year up for success by teaching goal setting and planning skills to our kids. Neil emphasizes the importance of teaching our kids the skills they will need to be successful adults. Have a que...

In this podcast, Neil explains the powerful impact of the Negative Cycle on relationships. He shares the story of his work with "James and Lisa" to show how effective therapy works by focusing on ending the Negative Cycle. Neil challenges listeners to look at their own participation in negative cycles and alternative ways to engage with their partners. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for d...

Stefania, the mother of a 17yr old reports that her husband is so distraught over their son's behavior that it is ruining their lives and wants to know if she's wrong for wanting her own happiness. In this episode Neil explains how parents' feelings can overwhelm kids and can interfere with their ability to learn and grow from their experiences. In the end he prescribes happiness for Stefania and...

Marissa of Seattle Washington has tried lots of techniques to get her two boys, ages 8 and 10 to cooperate, but nothing ever seems to work. In this week's podcast, Neil explains the two types of change and how to use the right one at the right time. Then he shows Marissa how to create lasting change in her family. Hint: We should be using one kind of change every day.

Neil answers a question from a Mom who wonders whether therapy is helping her depressed daughter or not. Mom is walking on eggshells wondering what she's supposed to do. Neil explains some of the causes of depression and the challenges facing teen girls in particular these days. He then goes on to show how individual therapy too often disempowers parents and how a family approach can be far more s...

Young Adults are living at home more commonly than ever before and parents need to know how to support their young adult kids without enabling them or supporting their bad habits. In this episode Neil offers great tips for knowing the difference as he answers a question from a mother in Culver City, California concerned about her son who lives at home and doesn't seem to be making progress in his...

Neil answers a question from Al of Chattanooga Tennessee who is struggling to get his teenagers and preteen to do their chores without a fight. Neil explains why chores are important to child and teen development and reviews some of the common mistakes parents often make. Neil gives Al and all parents a strategy to shift out of the chore struggle and put parents, kids and chores on a healthy path...

In this episode, Neil helps parents use summertime planning with their teen-agers to teach planning skills and help them utilize their time away from school to their best advantage. Neil offers some great ideas, some valuable resources, and some great ways to engage the parent-teen discussion. Sign up to get your free checklist to help you determine whether you and your teen are in a normal power...

Neil dives into the discussion of the pros and cons of the Netflix series 13 Reasons Why and then offers parents some helpful advise for addressing it. As usual, Neil presents some interesting points of view and doesn't mince words. Sign up to get your free checklist to help you determine whether you and your teen are in a normal power struggle or a more destructive control battle - Enter your ema...

Professional Moms often struggle to get the support they need from their families as well as from their employers. Neil shares some of the insights from Mogul, Mom, and Maid by Liz O'Donnell as she explores the challenges of woman in the home and work worlds. And while the challenges of High Performing Moms are plentiful, Neil offers down to earth advise for avoiding the pitfalls and getting the s...