Happily Ever After is Just the Beginning

Author David Augsberger has said that “Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable”. And, he’s right. Most of us want to feel like we are heard and understood by the person we have chosen to share our life with. This is especially true in these trying times when stress and uncertainty are rampant. The best way to increase connection and pro...

Yes, the world is a bit crazy right now. It’s said that the Chinese word for crisis is the same as the word for opportunity. Whether that’s really true doesn’t change the sentiment. Most of the things that distracted from focusing on your marriage are on hold so why not take this crisis as an opportunity to make your marriage better? Dustin Riechmann, author of The 15 Minute Marriage Makeover and...

As much as you might not like it, adversity is a part of life. It isn’t something to be feared but something to be managed. The best way to do that is straight on. But it can be scary if you don’t know how. Kimberly Irvine ( https://www.kimberlyirvine.com/) , mom, speaker, and author of Stronger: Becoming My Own Best Advocate and Discovering My Purpose describes how you can take charge when inevit...

Are you in love with being in love or are you wanting to make love last for the long haul? Those are only different questions to a degree. It isn’t necessary to “fall” out of love as much as it is to step through it. That’s because being “in love” is just the first part of the romantic journey. Staying on the path to lasting romantic love is possible. Dr. Aaron Ben Ze’ev ( https://www.psychologyto...

It’s commonly said that marriage should be 50/50. In my estimation, it should be 100/100. You each put in as much as you can. But what does that actually mean? I used to tell my kids that I would treat them equivalently, not equally. I think that’s a pretty good approach to marriage, too. And I’m not alone in my thinking. Dr. Glenn Geher ( https://faculty.newpaltz.edu/glenngeher/) , professor of p...

One thing many spouses want more than anything is to make their partner’s happy. It’s a wonderful idea that is impossible to achieve but people keep trying. They turn themselves inside out to not disappoint, annoy, hurt, or otherwise cause distress. They try to please all day every day. Does this sound like you? Not only is it exhausting but it breeds anger and resentment. Not in your partner, but...

  Do you think there is a difference between marriage and courtship behavior? Many do. The problem—that courtship behavior is the behavior that matters. Far too often, the wedding is seen as the most important moment when it actually is just the beginning. Nothing thrives on neglect and your marriage is no different. Marriage and Family Therapist Hannah Eaton ( https://www.sequoiaimmersions.com/)...

I’ve long held the position that you can’t really avoid conflict. At best you can postpone it and the longer you put off dealing with it, the worse it will be. Part of the challenge is getting past the idea that conflict is inherently bad. In truth, it is a part of daily life. A better option may be to reframe it into something more positive, say differences. And the best way of managing it is to...

The first marriage you experienced was your parents’. For many, that wasn’t a good thing. If you are a child of divorce, statistically you have a greater chance of getting divorced yourself. But you don’t have to be a statistic. Journalist Alexandra Frost ( http://www.alexandrafrost.weebly.com ) explains how she has been able to break the divorce cycle in her family and how you can too. If you wan...

If you google relationship challenges, what pops up might lead you to wonder if your relationship is abusive. Or maybe convince you that you’re married to a narcissist. While these terms seem to be all the rage these days, they are incredibly misleading. Luckily, they are also rare, but you won’t get that from your internet search. Dr. Steven Stosny ( http://www.compassionpower.com ), a fellow rel...

Valentine's Day is just around the corner and so the anxiety begins. Expectations can be high but that doesn't necessarily spell doom. You can easily capture each other's hearts. When relationships are new, there is a lot of focus on doing things for each other. Over time, this behavior tends to fade out. But all relationships are reciprocal; they are a function of reasonable give and take. How ea...

Romance is great but it is not enough to sustain a healthy marriage. Successful relationships need more than chocolates, flowers, and candlelit dinners to thrive. It’s the small, everyday actions that will allow yours to thrive. Some of those actions are for your partner, but some you must give to yourself. Dr. Dravon James ( http://www.drdravonjames.com ), a motivational speaker, Everyday Peacema...

You’ve asked your partner to do something different. Or, maybe, your partner has asked you to. The two of you might even agree that the change will help your relationship. You also agree to make the change and then, …. you find yourself doing the same old thing. No matter how inclined you are to make the change, sticking with it seems impossible. The good news is you’re perfectly normal. Change ev...

Most couples have one—the fight you seem to have over and over again. You each can probably repeat the entire thing all by yourself. Maybe you have it once a month. Maybe once a week. But it is exhausting, not to mention hurtful. Relationship coach and blogger, Matt Fray ( https://mustbethistalltoride.com/) , explains how his STFU Method can change everything and get your marriage back on track. S...

If you work for yourself, you most likely have a business plan, even if it’s only loose one. If you work for someone else, you probably have set performance goals. But when it comes to your marriage, you’re probably rudderless—no set goals, maybe not even a general direction. This can spell doom for the long-term health and happiness of this very important relationship. Michael J. Russer ( http://...

If you are part of a couple, you have a built-in scapegoat. Any issue could be resolved if your partner just did things your way. The problem with this belief is that your partner is thinking the same thing about you. So, you make demands, masquerading as suggestions or, worse, criticisms and nothing changes. In fact, it might even be getting worse. The answer isn’t to increase the volume. It’s to...

I hear it all the time, “It’s my job to make my partner happy”. Further discussion reveals that it’s actually not working. That’s because it can’t. Happiness is always an inside job. But there are things you can do to make you happier and, as a result, your marriage will be too. Stuart Motola ( https://www.stuartmotola.com/%20) , relationship coach, speaker and the author of Fixing You is Killing...

Monogamy is often an assumption in marriage but that may be changing. Conscious Non-Monogamy is getting some attention but is it a good choice for you? There’s lots to consider and the verdict isn’t in yet. It’s not just you and your partner that need to be on board and the concept of “conscious” can’t be minimized. Dr. Alan Hawkins ( https://fhssfaculty.byu.edu/FacultyPage/ajh3) , the Director of...

Relationships, even good ones, involve dealing with disagreements and disappointments. Unfortunately, the hurt that results can bubble over into destructive resentment. What you want is to be understood but, getting your partner to that place is often extremely difficult and ultimately frustrating. Psychotherapist, interfaith minister, and the author of the book . The Power of Off: The Mindful Way...

There’s a lot to take to heart in the “attitude of gratitude” movement. Focusing on what is going right is a big factor in your level of happiness. But simply focusing on the positive in your marriage may keep you from addressing things that need to be addressed for your marriage to thrive. This means learning how to embrace disagreements and challenges in order to grow as a couple. Psychotherapis...

Do you feel like you’re living the movie Ground Hog Day in your marriage? Are you having the same conversations over and over again with never any progress? Are you fast losing patience and, maybe, your love? Good news! Relationship expert and speaker Lisa Merlo-Booth ( https://lisamerlobooth.com/) is here to help you finally find a way forward and bring solutions and harmony to your relationship....

Many people believe the adage that marriage is the place that sex goes to die. The truth is that married people have more and better sex on average than single people. But what if your marriage doesn’t meet the average? Yes, any long-term relationship can become stale. That, however, is a matter of choice not destiny. If you want to be the couple that still is having regular and satisfying sex int...

Divorce is on the decline—YAY!! Like most things, it’s more complicated than that. Yes, the rate of divorce is down but so is the rate of marriage. More than ever, marriage is a choice and many young people are not making this one. Living together and having a family without a formal commitment is an acceptable path for many. However, there are some still some advantages to marriage. Journalist an...

No, men aren’t from Mars and women aren’t from Venus. It just seems that way. I’ve always thought that expecting men and women to live together is a cosmic joke that really isn’t funny. Nowhere is this more apparent than when it comes to sex. Are all men constantly horny? Are women rarely that way? No. But if you don’t understand how desire works for each of you, the joy of sex is a pleasure that...

The key to a successful marriage is choosing your partner wisely. Unfortunately, this process is often hijacked by raw, animal sexual attraction. This often leads to great sex but not so great relationships. Yes, finding your spouse physically appealing is a plus. It’s just not enough to build a life on. It actually helps if you like the person you’re married to. Health and Wellness Coach and auth...