Happily Ever After is Just the Beginning

Are you like many people who hold their breath through the holidays before dropping the bomb of divorce in the New Year? If so, you may want to think about what life on the other side of the marriage fence really looks like. Yes, it may indeed be greener. More than likely, it will turn out to be just another shade of brown. This is especially true if you and the person you want to be your ex have...

The holidays can be extremely stressful with all the forced family togetherness. The problem—not everyone has a Norman Rockwell or Hallmark experience. You may be feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and looking for a place to hide. But now may be the best time to evaluate your experience and plan to make the experience better next year. So, here’s a replay of an earlier show with Dr. Deanna Brann, Lic...

Many of us forget that marriage isn’t just about loving your future spouse; it’s also about entering into a legal contract with them. Yes, you and your partner took vows of some kind or another on your wedding day, but do you know what terms you agreed to. Have you defined what love, honor and cherish mean to each of you? And what about the other promises you made? If you’re like many couples, you...

For many, this time of year can be really stressful. Instead of being joyous and full of good cheer, many feel more like Ebenezer Scrooge. Oh, you might put a smile on your face but you’re exhausted by overwhelm and the intention of making everyone’s holidays happy whether they, or you, like it or not. The fact is we bring most of this stress on ourselves. The good news is that you have the power...

There’s a saying that people who fight about everything are really fighting about nothing. In reality, they are fighting to hold on to who they are and how they like to do things. It isn’t just one thing that matters to them but all things. There are three areas that are at the heart of what most couples fight about—finances, sex, and children. That’s because these are the most personal issues for...

It screams at you from the checkout stand: How to Find Your Soulmate. You follow all the advice and believe you’ve found the one. But you still wake up some days wondering just who that person is lying next to you. They just don’t feel like your soulmate anymore. That’s because you believed the idea that intimacy and love are something someone else gives you. In reality, intimacy is an inside job....

Couples who are experiencing challenges in their marriages wonder if their children would be better off if they stayed together or got divorced. While staying together simply for the sake of the children isn’t the best option, investing in making your marriage is. There are lots of benefits to being successfully married and providing a stable base for your children is one of them. Dr. David Ribar,...

Most people prefer easy answers—yes/no, black/white, stay/go. Unfortunately, relationships (and especially marriage) are complicated. This is why being successful at them can be very difficult. Because falling in love is natural, it is assumed to be easy. Because of this, most of us don’t think there is anything that needs to be learned. As a result, many married couples end up in less than fulfil...

How much time did you spend with your spouse before you got married? How much time do you spend with them now? There’s a common belief that the quality of time we spend is more important than the quantity of it. That may be true, but many of us aren’t spending even a small amount of quality time with our spouses. Is it any wonder that so many of us are dissatisfied with our marriages? The squeaky...

It’s a common belief that marriage is hard work. It’s also a common belief that all couples, even happy ones, fight. So it isn’t any surprise that marriages with these characteristics are thought to be normal. But they don’t have to be. Couples struggle negotiating a wonderful marriage because they end up as adversaries instead of allies when faced with a disagreement. In their desire to each be r...

You have probably heard that even happy couples fight. In fact, you may have been told that couples who don’t fight can’t possibly be happy; that they are just sitting on unexpressed resentment. I want to know what other relationship in our lives we are actively encouraged to fight with the other person. Your children? Your best friend? Your co-workers? No one would accept that fighting with those...

It’s a commonly held belief that one of the biggest stumbling blocks in marriage is money. In reality, the basics of money aren’t that complicated—money coming in needs to exceed money going out or the long-term health of your family will be compromised. If you and your spouse have ongoing issues in this area, two questions spring to mind. Why is this happening and is there anything you can do abo...

With all the recent focus on marriage—who should be allowed to marry, whether it is still relevant, which celebrity’s marriage is on the rocks—what is left out of the conversation is the real threat to marriage. It isn’t about whether same-sex marriage is destroying the institution, but whether the ease of divorce is. Divorce used to be something to be avoided. I firmly believe that is still true...

There’s a common misconception that marriage ends up as a choice between maintaining complete independence or completely losing yourself. Buying into this myth can create tension both in your marriage and within you. Women seem to be more prone to losing who they are when they get married and have children. But this doesn’t need to happen. Donna Internicola, founder of Internicola Coaching and a M...

I’m sure you’ve heard from a lot of experts that marriage takes a lot of hard work to make it successful. You may even believe it based on your own experience. But you have been sold a bill of goods. A good marriage doesn’t take work if you know where to put your focus and energy. Unfortunately, that information is either not shared or not listened to. So people get married, make a mess and get di...

One thing that couples in less than satisfying marriages tell themselves is that they have tried everything. This usually isn’t the case because the solutions they come up with arise from the same place as the challenges they are facing. If this is you, please know that this isn’t completely your fault. This is because you probably don’t even know what you don’t know about how to have an okay marr...

There’s an old rhyme about girls being made of sugar and spice while boys are made of snakes and snails and puppy dog tails. And, if you really want a good laugh, go to “Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage” on YouTube and click on the differences between men’s and women’s brains. But what isn’t really funny is the bind that men often find themselves in. They are supposed to be strong and protectiv...

Have you ever heard (or said), “I love my partner, I’m just not in love with them anymore?” Have you ever wondered how that happened? To be completely honest, it’s because the couple let it happen. Maybe they (or you) didn’t mean for it to happen, but it has. The good news is that you can revive your marriage. Dr. David Schramm (//cupofconnection.blogspot.com/), Family Life Specialist and Associat...

The hack of the cheating website Ashley Madison is creating lots of fallout for its members and their families. While painful, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. At least in those marriages, hard conversations are finally being had. Even if your marriage hasn’t been directly impacted, you can still take advantage of this cultural event and use it to make your marriage better. Dr. Scott Haltzman,...

Maybe you’ve heard, or believer, that marriage isn’t necessary anymore. That you can have all the benefits (and none of the hassles) of marriage just by living together. Because what really matters is the commitment, not the piece of paper. Yes, it is true that the commitment matters. However, there are lots of benefits that come with marriage that you would have to piece together on your own. Act...

The word “marriage” conjures up a wide range of thoughts and emotions. For most of history, marriage has been the means to define parentage, transfer property, and provide societal stability. What it hasn’t been is static. Its definition and who has been allowed to participate in it has been in constant change. Today, it is the most flexible and inclusive as it has ever been, at least in Western c...

Do you believe that there is a difference between courtship and marriage behavior? If so, do you think that courtship behavior requires more effort? Many people think that they are home free once they have said, “I do”. It is this way of thinking that causes problems in many marriages. You and your spouse will change over time and if you can see this as a problem, your relationship becomes vulnera...

Trust is the key to a happy, healthy relationship. Unfortunately, it often falls victim to fear—fear of being hurt, of being betrayed, of being unloved. While these fears may not be irrational, they often lead to irrational and unproductive behavior, such as attempts to control your partner or constant questioning of them. These behaviors then lead to the end of the relationship, thereby reinforci...

Long gone are the days that pornography was found behind brown paper wrappers and in back rooms of video stores. With the advent of the internet, access to pornography takes a click of a button. This means that exposure to sex is occurring at younger ages than ever before and completely without context for its role in healthy relationships. Add in the fact that the sex acts presented are becoming...

What do you believe about infidelity? Do you think it is possible to affair-proof your marriage? Unfortunately, 70% of millennials who want to get married believe that cheating is inevitable. In addition, it is often viewed as the one thing that will end a marriage. But what if infidelity didn’t have to be the end? Dr. Scott Haltzman, psychiatrist and author of The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity,...