Happily Ever After is Just the Beginning

Having a good relationship is possible, especially if you know what works and what doesn’t. Some things are more important than others and some commonly accepted actions do more harm than good. Clinical Psychologist and author of Paradoxical Strategies in Psychotherapy, Dr. Leon Seltzer ( https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/experts/leon-f-seltzer-phd) identifies the behaviors that have the biggest...

While not all fights are about money, and not all couples struggle with this issue, it is at the heart of some of the hardest and most heated ones. You might not think that the straightforward numbers in a bank account would create such problems. After all, it’s simple addition and subtraction, right? Not for a lot of marriages; maybe even yours. Elizabeth Wilson, financial coach and founder of Fi...

Good communication alone will not ensure a Happily Ever After marriage but, without it, you don’t stand a chance. One of the biggest challenges couples face is learning how to communicate effectively. As with most things, it’s easier to look at where the other person is falling short than to look in the mirror and figure out our part. You’ve been talking since you were little and, on the surface,...

Despite all the Facebook and Instagram posts, no couple has it all together all the time. Not even the experts get it right all the time. Every marriage runs into challenges—some fairly common and some unique to the couple. It’s what a couple does during these times that will determine the success or failure of the relationship. Relationship counselors Linda and Charlie Bloom are no exception. In...

There’s a common belief that women are more interested in the health of their relationships than men are. The problem: it’s not true. Women have been encouraged, sometimes to their detriment, to be in touch with their emotional side. Men—not so much. But most guys want to be good partners and good parents. They’ve just been trying to do it with one hand tied behind their back. Men are half the pop...

The great Irish play write Oscar Wilde said, “Remarriage is the triumph of hope over experience.” But that is the power of love and wanting to build a life with someone. The challenge comes in when it isn’t just you and your true love. But you, them, your respective exes, and, most importantly, any children. It isn’t that you shouldn’t find new love. It’s just that the building of a new family nee...

The good news—divorce rates are dropping. The bad news—it’s because fewer people are deciding to marry in the first place. The demise of marriage has been predicted for years but the speed with which this is happening is accelerating. Marriage as an institution has changed through the years and, mostly, that’s a good thing. But, does it need to be abolished? Does it no longer have any redeeming qu...

When most people hear the word “intimacy”, they automatically think “SEX”. Unfortunately, that is a very limiting interpretation of the word, and the behavior. Intimacy is about knowing and being known by another. It can be physical, yes. But it can also be emotional, intellectual, and spiritual. The deepest intimacy, and what most of us want in our marriages, encompasses all of these areas. Dr. M...

Are you part of the 67% of couples whose marital satisfaction plummeted once you had children? Many people get married because they want to have children and think marriage provides a strong foundation for a family. But, having children can put this strong belief to the test. This is because you get a completely dependent, 24/7 demanding little person but no extra time in the day to take care of i...

If you are part of a couple, you have a built-in scapegoat. Any issue could be resolved if your partner just did things your way. The problem with this belief is that your partner is thinking the same thing about you. So, you make demands, masquerading as suggestions or, worse, criticisms and nothing changes. In fact, it might even be getting worse. The answer isn’t to increase the volume. It’s to...

We’re a nation of comparers. Do our job, house, kids, marriage stack up against our friends’, family’s, co-workers’? Unfortunately, most of us are comparing our reality to other people’s highlight reels. The question isn’t how we fare against others, but how content am I with my life? People get married for all kinds of reasons but mostly because they have found someone they want to build a life w...

How we talk to and about men has gained a tremendous amount of attention these days. Traditional gender roles have not been supportive either men or women. We have both been assigned to boxes that keep us from being entire, genuine individuals. Staying in those boxes makes having the intimate relationships we want and need almost impossible. George Faller, licensed Marriage and Family Therapist an...

In the seemingly endless polarization of the world, the battle of the sexes is alive and well. Nowhere does this create more problems than in romantic relationships. For as long as men and women have been pairing up, you’d think we would have gotten better at it. Unfortunately, we seem to be getting worse. There are lots of unhelpful generalizations about both men and women that add to the complic...

The foundation for a happy marriage is simple, but many of us don’t make it easy. Author David Augsberger has said that, “Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable”. And, he’s right. Most of us want to feel like we are heard and understood by the person we have chosen to share our life with. The quality that best exemplifies this process-...

What’s your gut reaction when someone mentions counseling, specifically couples counseling? Is it, I’m not crazy? Things aren’t that bad? Tried it, or a friend tried it—didn’t work? The truth is that a majority of divorces could be avoided if couples sought help earlier rather than as a last resort. Maybe one of you made this suggestion, only to be rebuffed by your partner. Maybe you bought in to...

Does the thought of being in conflict with your partner thrill and delight you? If you’re like most people, the answer is a resounding NO! So, when faced with the possibility of an unpleasant interaction, what do you do? Do you avoid it at all costs? Do you armor up and prepare for battle? Do you dance around it and hope it will just go away? What if there was a way to deal with it in a healthy, p...

Lots of completely normal situations are elevated to conflicts because people don’t know how to deal with them. Simple differences of opinion to having different goals to not wanting to hurt someone else’s feelings turn into conflicts because they aren’t handled well when they first crop up. The longer they remain unaddressed, the harder they are to deal with. The result is miscommunication, misun...

Are You in a Toxic Marriage? Description: It’s an interesting observation that many marriages going through common and solvable issues end but the really toxic ones last longer than they should. A lot of this is due to a general lack of knowledge about what makes relationships work. But some of it is due to a lack of clarity about what can and cannot be fixed. Many people in toxic marriages do eve...

One of the saddest comments I hear from couples is that they feel more like roommates than lovers. Many believe that this is the inevitable result of years of togetherness. In reality, it is the result of the choices each of you make day after day, year after year. Love doesn’t have to die but it will if it is neglected. When everything else becomes more important than your marriage, its premature...

If one of your New Year’s Resolutions is to be happier, you might consider ending your marriage as part of that process. January is a big month for family law attorneys. Yes, you want the pain and unhappiness to stop. That’s a great goal. But a divorce may not be the best way to make that happen. You may just be exchanging one kind of pain for another. Greg Griffin ( https://greggriffin.net/) , li...

  It’s commonly accepted that women are better at relationships. There may be some truth to this but, if you’re a man or married to one, it’s important not to dismiss the male perspective. Relationships are a reflection of the two people in them, so only paying attention to what’s happening for one of them will lead to failure. The truth is that a lot about marriage has changed in the last 50 year...

Fear may be the most powerful emotion we experience. It may even be stronger than love. One thing is for certain, it rears its ugly head way too often in our relationships. Fear keeps us from sharing our deepest thoughts and intense emotions; just what we really need to do to have the love we want and deserve. John Kim ( http://www.theangrytherapist.com/) , Life Coach and Marriage and Family Thera...

You’ve probably heard somewhere that we all either marry our mom or our dad. Since I had a great mother-in-law, this wasn’t a horrible thought for me. But what if you’re seeing your spouse as a reincarnation of your parent and that’s not a good thing? It’s important to know that it’s part of what your brain is wired to do. But, while it might be normal, that doesn’t mean it isn’t causing problems....

I don’t know whether it’s the shorter days with colder weather or the ever-present reminders of the holiday season, but this time of year gets a lot of people wondering about their marriages. Asking questions like, “Are we normal?” “Is this as good as it gets?” “Should I stay or go?” Quite often, these questions are asked silently so they never get answered in a productive or helpful way. Marriage...

If you work for yourself, you most likely have a business plan, even if it’s only loose one. If you work for someone else, you probably have set performance goals. But when it comes to your marriage, you’re probably rudderless—no set goals, maybe not even a general direction. This can spell doom for the long-term health and happiness of this very important relationship. Michael J. Russer ( http://...