GR8 Relationships

The first three chapters of Genesis provide the foundation for relationships and marriage. The design of men and women, the foundation of their design, their purpose, their roles, their judgments and the contract of marriage are all given to us in those three chapters.

When you make the Dictator mistake you may be blatantly trying to do things your way or you are a "good person up to no good". The second approach is seldom seen as bad, because you believe that if you are not the "Jr. Holy Spirit" in their life, they will never change or much worse they "will die lonely and sad", if you are not diligent in pointing out their bad behavior.

Go to the self-help section of a bookstore and you will find books promoting the "Actor" mistake. You will find authors stating, “If you want to win their heart you need to be someone they want. So if they like football, but you don’t, it’s time to become football fan.”

The past cripples relationships, because people do not live in reality about the past. What's the reality? The past is OVER! Even though it's over, it's still controlling the thoughts, actions and feelings of so many people. Consider how many countries, as well as individuals, are currently developing strategies, setting goals and taking actions, because of past events that have not been resolved!

Observe and describe this picture. Try it before reading further. Almost all people tell a story about the picture rather than observing and describing it. “A man is getting ready for an important meeting…” or something like that. Observing and describing is different - “A coat, tie, vest, hand, cuff, shirt, appears to be a watch, surface…” What drives the story telling behavior? Our minds can't s...

Our self-absorbed sin nature is the energy that causes our "ME" to flash. These "ME" flashing moments, days, months and even years, cripple relationships. This lifestyle is living in the Left Circle—reacting and responding, but not choosing to live wisely. It is a life driven by appetites, impulses and pleasures, because it is constantly asking "What's in it for ME?"

Autopilot for the sin nature leaves us living in the Left Circle—a React/Respond, Slave, Victim lifestyle. Life is an endless chain of events that we just react or respond to and then figure out what to do when life, circumstances and people "happen" to us.

The men's and women's judgments provide fuel for your "Flashing ME" moments. For the woman, her design is all about relating and now her judgment makes her closest relationships with her children and husband painful and unfulfilling. And, for the man, his design is about work and now his judgment makes his work painful and unfulfilling.

"Where you look, you tend to go." That's what happens with your judgment and your design.

Are you listening to God or someone other than God? Does that question sound familiar? It should, because it is basically the fundamental question or choice for life—"Am I trusting God or something or someone other than God?"

Significance is a key need of a man! That is why the judgment for man is so powerful. His testosterone based design drives him to be significant, especially in his relationship with a woman. He tries to get his significance especially through his work and activities. Put his judgment with her judgment, desiring the safety of fulfilling relationships and no wonder marriages and relationships fail.

The judgment on women is not some abstract theory. As stated last week, it is REALITY. A woman wants to have fulfilling relationships with her children and husband, but with the influence of the judgments, it turns into CONTROL.

After Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, God pronounced the consequences to the serpent, Eve and then Adam. In Genesis 3:16, God shares a truth that impacts all women that live, have lived or will live. The degree that this bad news impacts a woman is directly related to how much a woman trusts herself and not God. God initiated this judgment on women, but He has provided the solution also...

Submission makes life about others because it follows the example of Jesus Christ. It applies to both men and women, slaves and masters, husbands and wives. Unfortunately, it's not spoken of correctly and, therefore, becomes a weapon to be used primarily against women.

Submission is the "S" word that is often used against women, especially wives. It is obviously misunderstood when used to try to force a change in behavior.

As some have asked, "Can I have it all and Jesus too?" The answer to that question depends on how you define "all"? Does it mean having the lifestyle of the rich and famous, what the world says is the life to attain to? Or, does it mean the eternal "all", things that God says are the real values of life—like the fruit of the Spirit.

When you read parts of the Bible it's easy to think, "Does that really apply today?" Especially Western societies, it's really easy to think that when reading Titus 2:4 where God is asking young women to be "...homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed." That can't be relevant for today, can it?

Even though the 1960's and 1970's may have coined the term "feminism", there is nothing new about it. And, even as Barbara Walters recently stated that feminism is an outdated word, the attitudes and ideas will remain until Christ returns.

God's Word clearly esteems mothers and women who focus their attention on the home. This does not mean that a women who works outside the is displeasing God. The issue is more an attitude of the heart rather than a choice between work or home. The Proverbs 31 wife was doing work outside the home, but her focus was primarily on the home, husband, and family.

This is the same thing God desires of older men. Why does God want this from the older believers (in age or spiritual maturity)? Because it is linked to verse 1—sound doctrine. When you are older in age or spiritual maturity, it makes sense that you should have learned how to act properly. Sound doctrine is God's word showing up in everyday life. That means you are decent in your conduct, clothing...

The power of a REAL woman is significant, but that power does not come from being beautiful and sexy, it comes from helping. The world wants women to focus on the external, but God wants women to focus on the internal. He wants women to be just like Him—a HELPER!

Powerful is a key message of the world to women. Be powerful in order to protect yourself. And, that message is displayed in two forms—1) Powerful and Sexy or 2) Powerful not Sexy.

If you are focused on being respected—trying to get people to respect you—that's a fickle and dangerous game to play. You will end up being controlled by other people's values in order to gain their respect. Worse, the rules of the game are ambiguous and arbitrary, because what is respected today may not be tomorrow.

REAL men are clear on what really matters, and guess what, everything that really matters is non-material. In fact, you may already know that everything that is most valuable does not require any money—like the fruit of the Spirit.

REAL men don't love because someone deserves it. No matter how a person is acting ("love your enemies"), and sometimes you may think even your wife is your enemy, you still pursue their best. Love is not dependent on how you FEEL, because love is a DECISION.