Get a Better Handle On Life

Avoid relationship breakdown with these three ways to stop arguing. There's no talent in fighting and there's no glory in 'winning' an argument. On the surface, arguments are the biggest cause of relationship breakdown, but while they certainly contribute, they are usually a harmful symptom, rather than the cause of relationship breakdown. #arguing #relationships #arguments #argue #relationships #...

Losing someone or something you love is one of the defining human experiences. Loss is universal and inevitable; we’ll all experience it in some way at some time. That doesn’t help much if you are grieving, but it does mean that we understand what helps. Though you may not agree right now, especially if your heart is still aching, it is also a growth experience; we come out the other end stronger...

I met a man recently who I'd been dying to talk to for quite a long time. I've been following his  Just Say Hello  project on Facebook, and I've had this idea floating around in my head for months. It's called, Ordinary People Who Do Extraordinary Things, and I thought this chap, Duncan, is definitely in that category.  Now that I've spoken to him, I realise I was wrong. This is no ordinary person...

Most of us spend a lot of time working, and studies show that most of us don't enjoy it as much as we could. Have you ever really taken the time to stop and think about getting a job you really enjoy? It's not just about money, organisational culture, sense of fulfilment, and even feeling valued all contribute to how happy you are at work. If you do your job, pay the bills, and enjoy the evenings...

I'm in conversation with Rick Gough. Rick came up with the brilliant idea he calls 'Declutter Your Work'. Not only is it a great idea, it is also timely as many of us will we hope soon be returning to some sort of work normality. You may be familiar with Marie Kondo's decluttering method for the home. Rick Gough has taken her six principles and applied them to how he works. As you'll hear, it has...

"Why?" is one of those questions. It has its place, to be sure, but most of us, most of the time, use it indiscriminately. Asking why something happened, or why someone did this or that, for example, might be a fun way to pass the time of day, but answers to questions like these can be hard to find. Even then, they may not help in a practical way. Asking what needs to happen, how to respond, or wh...

I'm in conversation with Philip Carr-Gomm, author of around 20 books, and a psychologist and a druid.  We mainly discuss tips for aspiring writers. Philip has some insightful and practical tips, plus I throw in a few of my own.  Then there's his recent and first novel, The Prophecies , a story of love, obsession, and betrayal. The nice thing about a good conversation is that you'll never know wher...

We use questions constantly, in our conversations with others and our conversations with ourselves. But we rarely think about how we structure them and, mostly, they go unnoticed. They are such a central part of how we think, act, and communicate that it would be hard to imagine how we could manage without questions.  Questions are powerful, to be sure, and in all sorts of ways, some unexpected. Y...

Have you ever wanted to say sorry, but you've held back? Maybe you thought that the other person should say it first, that apologising would make you appear weak, or that the problem was in the past and now it's too late to say sorry? The power of apology is often under-estimated. It's essential to resolve a conflict or ask forgiveness, yet apologising is often discouraged and in some cases even p...

Most people, at some time, have felt unsure about themselves or doubted their abilities. Often this takes the form of 'lacking confidence' or being 'under-confident'. In some people, this can become a mantra which holds them back from realising their potential. At an even more basic level, feeling under-confident can mean weaker social ties and poorer prospects in relationships, career, even in Li...

I'm a psychologist, therapist and writer. I've built my career around helping people sort out the things that trouble them. Anything, from relationship problems, personal change, mental health issues, work-related problems... you name it. You can find out more about the topics I cover on my blog at www.barrywinbolt.com .    © Backing Track: Adventure, Chad Crouch, www.soundofpicture.com, licence C...

Resilience refers to a person's ability to function well in the face of high demand, unwanted change, challenge, or adversity. It is built of a set of characteristics that most people possess to some degree. We are naturally stronger in some of these traits than in others. This means that we can play to our strengths, and recognise and develop the characteristics which are under-developed or lacki...

There's a strong case for doing things with your hands. This may be on our minds more than usual at a time when many of us are finding we have so much time to fill. I explain why practical hobbies and pastimes are good for you, and why knitting is only one of many things I won't be doing during Lockdown, however long it lasts.   © Backing Track: Adventure, Chad Crouch, www.soundofpicture.com, lice...

Working from home is a boon for many people. Hopefully, for those it suits, maybe their way of working can change forever. However, since the pandemic we have seen that it isn't for everyone. But you have to approach it like a grown-up.  Once the novelty has worn off, when, eventually, you are the only one left at home, what then? I love working from home, always have done, but over the years I've...

Being alone doesn't mean being lonely, they are two different things. Just as we need social contact, we also require moments of peace and quiet. There is a powerful drive in the human mind to withdraw, reflect, and recharge our energies. One way to think about this is that time to reflect and do nothing allows our inner self to do the housework, to tidy up loose ends and come to terms with things...

You’ve heard the expression, you may even have used it. ‘Communication breakdown’ is a handy metaphor, but a metaphor is symbolic, which means it shouldn’t be taken literally.   Communication breakdown is a handy concept, but it can also be a cop-out. It’s a useful term in that it suggests an impasse, but if you take it literally it becomes an excuse to stop trying. What 'communication breakdown'...

Depending on where you live in the World you are either under lockdown, or it is imminent in your area. This measure has been inflicted on us to help protect our physical health and that of the community. But it might seem that our mental health and wellbeing could now be put at risk by forced confinement. But it doesn't have to be. There are several steps you can take to keep yourself occupied, e...

Fear of therapy is a very real phenomenon. It’s ironic that while it is seen as irresponsible not to seek help with a physical illness, there is a taboo against wanting to fix an ailment of the spirit (if ‘spirit’ turns you off, try ‘psyche’). In a world so preoccupied with happiness, success, wellbeing and fulfilment, there is an equal and opposite tension the deflects people from the things that...

Is it worth seven minutes of your time to learn how to stop an argument? Like most people, I learned the hard way how NOT to do it. But then, 25 years as a professional conflict resolver has taught me a thing or two about how to stop an argument, now I'm sharing it with you.

We hear a lot of talk about optimism and it is often promoted as a sort of cure for personal and social ills. Despite the banter between optimists and pessimists, there are compelling reasons to consider optimism as a key factor in wellbeing. These go far beyond the usual, glib ‘glass half full’ ideas or the entreaties of the positive thinking movement. There are now thousands of studies that atte...

This episode introduces your author, explains what drives the podcast, and outlines some of the topics covered. Topics in the 2020 episodes include surviving lockdown, why we need solitude, resilience, handling difficult behaviour, the benefits of knitting and other pastimes, anxiety, conflict... more to be announced soon.

Other people’s difficult behaviour can affect us in all sorts of ways. If we are fortunate, it will simply irritate us, but when it is extreme it can cause more serious problems. This is the second and final part of the concise audio-version of my book of the same name. Using studio role-plays it shows you how to achieve more productive outcomes in a whole range of relationships. It will help you...

We all come across them. People who either won't or can't change the ways they behave towards us. It might be outright hostility and boorishness, across the spectrum to those who appear to agree with us, only to go off and do their own thing. Confronting them doesn't work (as if you dared), and ignoring their behaviour only serves to reinforce it. This episode will give you plenty of ideas on how...