Gentle Man

Audio from the YouTube video - watch here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtVSKVI5nAY The typical response to men experiencing performance anxiety is "deal with it! Take pills. Study Tantra. It's your problem." Today's rumination is all about whether we have to take responsibility for our performance at all. Intimacy should be about celebrating - and not judging - each other's...

It’s official – men are in a loneliness epidemic. Equimundo recently published its “State Of American Men 2023” report, showcasing some alarming statistics related to men’s social and mental health. Some of the most striking statistics:  40% of all men show depressive symptoms; 44% of all men had thoughts of suicide in the prior two weeks; 65% of men aged 18 to 23 say that “no one really knows me...

Gentle Man is proud this week to host a longtime collaborator, Robin Nelson. Robin is a podcaster and lifelong enjoyer of videogames. We discuss videogames and their role (if any) in perpetuating real-life violence. We examine how gaming intersected our other childhood influences and the role it plays in our adult lives. Robin also explores gun ownership and how gaming fostered that interest in hi...

Today I’m thrilled to share my conversation with Shura Eagen, MS, LPC. Shura is a licensed therapist who works with men on a daily basis in a number of applied modalities. I invited her on the show to talk about the common issues she sees coming up for the men she works with. We discuss how men often experience unknown emotions as “anxiety”, and that befriending the sensations - rather than fixing...

Today we are discussing the (what should be) controversial topic of male polarity. This is a theory popularized by David Deida that states that masculine and feminine energies must be balanced and opposite to create attraction between people. In his book "The Way of the Superior Man" and through his teachings, David outlines how people can improve their relationships and their sex lives by...

The rigidness of expectation on male behavior from our culture is mirrored in the rigidness in the bodies of men. We internalize messages about how we’re supposed to hold ourselves and act, and these messages literally shape our bodies. It can take a lifetime to assess and address the implications of this. When we are held back from expressing our authentic desires, we restrict the flow of our lif...

Shame is one of the deepest challenges men face and one of the strongest reinforcing elements defining gender roles in culture. From the moment we are born and continuing on into our lives, we are exposed to shaming by our parents, siblings, peers, romantic partners and coworkers. Shame is so pernicious because it often lurks internalized in our own psyches – we may not even be aware of the origin...

Affection is something adult men often struggle to share with each other. We may feel comfortable showing it towards the women in our lives, whether it’s our spouses or kids or other female relatives. But many men, even those who are close in friendship or share familial ties, are loath to share much physical or verbal affection with other men. Many factors go into this, such as a pervasive cultur...

In this episode, we’re honored to bring an interview with Sage Liskey, activist author and founder of Rad Cat Press. His work for the last many years has focused on wellness in many forms. Today’s conversation focuses on men’s wellness, from finding community to being in more direct conversation about changing gender roles. We explore reflections on dating in a contemporary feminist climate and di...

Men often struggle to grieve. Grief is one of the most basic human impulses and imperatives. Without it, we will always on some level lead tortured or incomplete lives. Women in most cultures are more encouraged to feel and express grief, which helps them to maintain healthy emotional balance. Without this same encouragement and healthy outlet, men can become lonely, alienated and violent. Today’s...

Some would consider violence to be an innate male trait. Statistics would certainly seem to back up this hypothesis. The nature / nurture debate around this and many other topics related to gender continues. Today’s show focuses on the nurture side of the equation. I see a clear pattern of nurture towards boys and men that drives them in the direction of violence. In this episode I explore some of...

A lot of discussion is given to the cost of privilege for the underprivileged. Less attention has been given to the ill effects of privilege on the privileged. The assumption is often that men enjoy - and benefit from - male privilege. In today's episode I argue otherwise. The ways are numerous in which male privilege separates men and makes them feel like monsters. Many of the things men most...

Today the topic is male body dysmorphia - a preoccupation with or a belief that a part of the body is wrong or ugly. Men commonly struggle with dysmorphias related to their height, musculature, penis size, hair and other parts of the body. These are conditioned insecurities that rest upon a deep foundation of cultural expectations around what men should be and do. Today we explore these dysmorphia...

Self care is near the top of the list of things men struggle with. We are raised in a culture that tells us we don't need it, and when it is clear that we do need it, we don't know how to do it. From going to the doctor, taking downtime and relaxing, having emotionally supportive conversations with friends – men struggle to do even these basic activities. As a result, men are more prone to...

Society is flush with the implication that men have to work, or produce something of value, in order to be respected as men. The idea of man as a machine of production has been around long before the industrial revolution – it likely dates back as far as the advent of agrarian culture, and perhaps further. As such, men are raised with the implicit imperative that they must work hard and be success...

"Boys don't cry" is how the saying goes. Men have incredible trouble feeling their feelings, and it has huge consequences in their lives and in society. This episode covers how the messaging starts during infancy, how it gets perpetuated by peers in school, and how 'grown man' propaganda continues it in adulthood. Then we cover how men can start to get in touch with their feeli...

Today we are joined by Dr. Arian Mobasser, neuro & behavioral scientist and coordinator of the Men's Resource Center at the University of Oregon, as well as cofounder of Circle Science. He has done men's work both theoretically through the lens of his research and pragmatically through his position at UO. In this episode we explore his deep insight into the world that young men navigat...

Today we're examining the role of the man as protector in society. We explore how the two current main cultural warrior archetypes – the soldier and the police officer – are both dangerous and lacking in necessary restraint, moral bearing and responsibility. Then we go into healthier ways that men can express the protector role in their relationships and communities. Follow Gentle Man on socia...

This week we are fortunate to share a conversation with Foster McKeon, a trans man and seahorse dad who has deep learning and insight into the spaces between gender binaries. We explore how he conceptualized manhood during his transition and the surprising privileges he gained along the way. Then we dive into hormones and how they do – and importantly don't! – affect our behaviors. Finally, we...

Today we are joined by Luke Adler, a bodyworker and spiritual healer with deep insight into men's challenges and their movement towards maturity. On this show we discuss key points in his childhood and adolescence that shaped his adult understanding of manhood and a spiritual life. We dip into topics such as reconciling assertiveness with gentleness, clean shame and what it looks like, and som...

Today's episode focuses on the toll homophobia takes on society, with a focus on its effects on straight men. The harm goes so far beyond the harm to gay and queer men. Straight men need to examine how they are perpetuating homophobic behaviors and how they can experience more pleasure, connection and wellbeing by escaping them. Follow Gentle Man on social media: https://www.instagram.com/gent...

Today's episode tackles the vulnerable and complex topic of men's relationship with beauty and aesthetics. Men are encouraged away from aesthetic pursuits and towards concretely productive pursuits. This focus denies many men from experiencing beauty, or feeling beautiful. This in turn prevents men from experiencing pleasure and from exploring their tenderer selves. Follow Gentle Man on so...

Today's episode looks at men's health through the lens of average life expectancy. The episode is informed by this article in the Washington Post: https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2023/04/17/mens-health-longevity-gap/ Using the statistics in this article as a baseline, Arjuna explores the ways that men are not showing up for their wellness and self care. The episode lays out a numbe...

Join Arjuna in going through his 4 Tenets of 21st Century Manhood. These are 4 categories that, when focused on, can help men transform their lives and their relationships. The 4 categories are: Do no harm Contribute Work on yourself Develop social awareness When men embrace and work on these 4 tenets, they will see huge positive change in their lives. They will start to feel like more responsible...

Gentle Man returns – new, updated, reinvigorated! Today, Arjuna tackles the big picture question troubling lots of men: is manhood shrinking? Are the parameters of acceptable behavior narrowing in the wake of the #metoo movement and other 21st century criticisms? Are men less today than they once were? This show presents a counterpoint – rather than getting smaller, manhood is growing in the space...