Gathering Gold

Today's episode is from the Gathering Gold Patreon Bonus Episode vault! Sheryl and Victoria address a question from Olivia, who is considering marriage with her partner. Olivia's family expects a big wedding, but she dreads being the center of attention. Also...she has some fears about making this forever commitment. Though Olivia's question is about marriage, the themes in this episode will reson...

Everything we do requires some effort. We wake up in the morning, and from that point forward, we exert effort, starting with getting out of bed and brushing our teeth. In our society, it is easy to think of effort as synonymous with drudgery, exhaustion, and an attitude of "never enough." Because of this, we also have a complicated relationship with ease: we struggle to rest, and to trust ease. W...

In today’s solo episode, Victoria responds to Patreon Community questions about resistance to growing up and learning to connect to our wants, needs, and values. Sharing anecdotes from her life, she reflects on core fears and beliefs inside the aversion to responsibility and adulthood, and discusses gentle approaches to examining the invitations inside our existential anxieties. She also shares ap...

You may be familiar with the inner child and the inner adult, but when was the last time you thought about your inner teenager? In today’s episode, we’re exploring what qualities this often-forgotten inner part brings to the table. And, we’re exploring why those of us who grew up trying to embody the “good girl” might have struggled to fully tap into the potential of our inner teenager. The charac...

Studies suggest that about 85% of what we worry about never happens. And yet, for many of us, worrying is a way of life. It is our go-to response when we face uncertainty or perceive a threat to something or someone we care about deeply.  In today’s episode, Sheryl shares personal reflections on her relationship to worry as her eldest son Everest embarks on the hardest challenge he has ever faced....

There are all sorts of blocks that get in the way of us connecting to our creativity, our life force. There’s the inner critic, and then there are the outer critics. There’s perfectionism, and the fear that “it’s all been done before.” There’s the despair of "not enough," and the ache of lacking inspiration. Even after we’ve bushwhacked our way through the thickets of inner resistance to actually...

We are honored to bring you a conversation with Stuart Ralph, host of The OCD Stories podcast .  Stuart founded The OCD Stories podcast in 2015 to improve the lives of those with OCD. He holds a masters degree in psychological therapies from the University of London, Queen Mary and a masters degree in integrative child and adolescent counselling and psychotherapy from the University of Roehampton....

Can we find a sense of aliveness rooted in our everyday lives? Does the magic of life disappear as we age? How do we take responsibility for our own aliveness? In today’s episode, we are exploring all these questions and more to get at the heart of what it means to live fully and deeply, swimming in a sea of fear, courage, and connection.  When we stop taking risks, aliveness shrinks.  When we ign...

We tell ourselves stories all the time, often stories with roots in fear and protection:   "I’m not smart enough." "They’re mad at me." "I’ll never be able to…" (fill in the blank)   The stories can become so engrained in us, and occur to us so quickly, that we often forget to stop and think about where they come from, and whether they are still, or ever were, really true. Might there be another i...

There are times in our lives, especially around transitions, when we might wonder: what if? What if I had done things differently back then, or if circumstances been different? Would I suffer less now? And what about the future — what about all the paths that I can’t take? How do I honor them, let them go, and keep moving forward? In today’s episode, Sheryl explains why and how to grieve unlived l...

We begin this episode about attraction by uncovering some core beliefs that get embedded into us at an early age — as early as childhood, when we watch classic cartoons featuring smitten characters with bulging heart eyes, salivating mouths, and hearts thumping out of their chests. As we grow up, we see these depictions of attraction replicated in all types of media, glamorizing first sight, insta...

You know how to take care of yourself, right? It's simple and easy. Just eat healthy, exercise, get the perfect amount and type of sleep every night, find meaningful work that pays you fairly and doesn't overwork you, spend lots of time cultivating strong relationships, but don't forget your relationship with yourself, go to therapy, be an active part of your community, grow a garden and make your...

Today, we are finally addressing a topic that has been the pathway to Sheryl’s work for so many of her clients and course members: relationship anxiety. In this episode, we’re talking to Katie, asking her to share her story in the same style as the popular course member interviews included at the end of the Break Free from Relationship Anxiety course .  Katie describes her relationship patterns be...

You probably know the feeling: it’s the pit of dread in your stomach every time you see a particular date on the calendar, and you know exactly what’s happening on that day. The plane trip. The presentation at work. The dentist appointment. If your dread is strong enough, you might find it date consumes your thoughts. You're distracted even during enjoyable activities, worrying about the outcome o...

We were thrilled to speak with Michelle Kenney, a parenting coach who has helped thousands of parents stop using punishments and yelling and learn kind limits.  In today’s episode, Michelle shares her journey to connective parenting, and how she learned to be empathetic and playful with her own strong willed child.  In this conversation, we talk about perfectionism in parenting and navigating diff...

Our bodies know when we want to be touched, and when we don’t want to be touched. Desire and agency simmer in our throats, ready to emerge as “Yes” or “No,” to protect our sovereignty over our own bodies and sexuality. But centuries of patriarchy and violations in our personal histories may have disconnected us from the channel of our desire, and the agency of our voice.  In today’s episode, we ex...

In a society (and a holiday season) often focused on consumerism, we can sometimes forget to treasure the special objects in our lives—things handmade or heartfelt, infused with prayers and dreams, memories and love, that we hold as totems while traversing our daily lives and rituals.  In our last episode, Sheryl spoke about some "artifacts of the heart" that she took with her when evacuating unde...

There are different kinds of darkness.  Sometimes we head out into darkness to go on a journey—there might be fear or nervousness, but also excitement and curiosity. What glittering stars might guide our way? What might we see once our eyes adjust?  Then there is the type of darkness that envelops us when we experience a dark night of the soul, the kind that might, if we’re lucky, be part of some...

“We are tired, exhausted. We know that there’s a better way, a more humane way, a more balanced way. We’re not sure what that looks like yet, but we know that it’s possible.” In today’s episode, Sheryl reflects on her bodily knowing that there must be another way to do life, one that is more balanced than what we’ve grown accustomed to: rushing, competing, depleted, disconnected. We may be accusto...

Due to a family emergency, Victoria wasn’t able to record with me this week (I share more about this in the episode), so I had to harness my self-trust and fly solo. I watched self-doubt peer in from the wings, and I utilized the skills that I teach to make room for the doubt and also become curious about what might be living underneath it. Through this process, I invite you to join me as we creat...

Recently, we've had episodes about purity, perfectionism, and what it means to be (or not to be!) "good." We've emphasized again and again that no one is perfect, that we are all messy human beings with flaws, who make mistakes. In today's episode, we are getting a bit more specific about what it means to be imperfect: we are sharing stories of recent times when we have messed up, what those mess-...

In today’s episode, we're wrestling and dancing with Mary Oliver’s beloved poem “Wild Geese,” starting with its bold opening line: “You do not have to be good.”  We consider questions like: What if being “good” has been a key part of our identity for years? What does it mean to not be good? Is it an excuse to be selfish?  And what does it mean to “let the soft animal of your body love what it love...

We start today’s episode with a story from Sheryl about how getting covid brought up the voices of purity and perfectionism in her—cold, scolding, cruel voices. Sheryl shares how she worked through these voices with the help of a compassionate friend and dialoguing in her journal. Victoria reflects on her fear of contamination, reckons with trying to play God, feels the pressure of perfectionism i...

In today's episode, we welcome a special guest, J.S. Park, to talk with us about that most primal human fear, the fear of death. And, we talk about the "lost language" of grief, and some of the historical roots of how and why we lost it. As a hospital chaplain, J.S. Park offers grief counseling and end-of-life care among his many duties. We spoke with him about how this role has shaped the way tha...

In today’s episode, we are talking about a simple, yet powerful tool we all can use as we seek to live from more wisdom and less reactivity: the ability to pause. Whether we are arguing with our partner, greeting a loved one as they enter the house, or moving from one task to the next, incorporating a pause can help us to shift our energy, practice gratitude, and remember who we really are and how...