Full Beam Ahead

If you’ve ever noticed that strangers support your work more freely than the people who actually know you, this one’s for you. In this essay I try to make sense of something I’ve started calling social chess. The idea that for some people, what looks like genuine enthusiasm online is seemingly more strategic. A calculated act of public association. I ask whether that makes it performative, or whet...

This essay is about the quiet, gradual process of becoming less yourself. Not because anyone told you to. But because you looked around at the social landscape, took in the surroundings, and started editing your warmth down into something more “palatable.” If you’ve ever found yourself giving a little less than you actually wanted to give, just because it felt like the safer option, this one is fo...

Rejection is actually my preference. It hurts, but at least it’s honest. Ambiguity is something else entirely. In this essay I try to name the specific experience of someone who is warm to your face, theoretically responsive, and somehow never quite there when it counts (or you ask). If you’ve ever received a message so empty and yet so cheerful that you stared at your phone waiting for the rest o...