Freedom from Attachment

Alison grew up in a rural area surrounded by nature, so she always felt connected to it, feeling a greater sense of life around her. Then at 12 years old, Alison’s mom pointed out that she had a natural understanding of people, and suggested she become psychologist. That resonated with her, so Alison pursued a psychology major in college, but dropped it after three semesters because she wasn’t lea...

A lot of people have one foot in and one foot out… in all areas of life. In this podcast, however, I’m going to focus on commitment (or lack thereof) when it comes to long-term relationships, whether you are in one or want to be in one. We are often quick to point out someone else’s commitment issues while failing to see our own. Remember, other people are a mirror for you. Whatever you identify a...

Are you always reading into what your significant other is doing--or not doing? Every ignored text, every forwarded call becomes a sign of the way they feel about you. When you take every action personally, you are giving them authority over your emotional state. To fight this helpless feeling, you may have turned to the silent treatment. Whether you’re ignoring them as a punishment or a way to ma...

Jeff Sammut is a comedy writer, performer and host of “Canada Now with Jeff Sammut” on Sirius XM. Growing up, Jeff was surrounded by radio and fell in love with it at a young age. Lucky for him, he snagged his first radio job at age of 17… and 27 years later, he’s still working in it. Jeff admits he’s fortunate. Not everyone knows what they want to do, let alone make it happen and still love it de...

Attachment is the most painful form of struggle. Attachment to a person, an idea, food, money, a negative belief… the list goes on and on. That attachment is driven by fear, and it’s learned in childhood. You watched how love was given or withheld, and what you had to do in order to get it. Growing up you became attached to the way you saw the world, and your place in it. If you felt empty, you wo...

Who’s the good girl and who’s the bad? I was always bad and tried to be good. I just did not fit in with the idea of good although, I was not out in the world doing bad things 24/7. I just questioned authority. I questioned the status quo and at times I felt I could do a better job at my work or in saving the world than others. You too? Cool you’re in the right place! You may have felt this way, a...

Negative beliefs have a field day in your head, but they also creep out to your interactions with others, to you looking in the mirror and being judgmental and a plethora of other ways you rain on your own parade. WHY DO YOU NEED TO BE ANYONE ELSE? You are YOU…more feminine or more masculine—there is no right or wrong, but the truth is so many of you judge how you are supposed to be and then the s...

When you’re a kid and your mom or dad reacted to you at times as though you had done something wrong, and you had not. You might have felt misunderstood or confused by their words or actions. In those moments, mom or dad were dealing with their own stuff and some of their frustration, anger, exhaustion, sadness, anxiety, etc was put on you. As an adult, do you still carry baggage leftover from you...

Robbie Kramer was popular in his small, private school growing up, but when he asked a girl out in 7th grade and got rejected, his confidence was crushed. It wasn’t until the end of his junior year of high school that he mustered up enough courage to try again. This time, it was successful and he continued his dating spree through college. After graduation, however, Robbie worked long hours at an...

You just poured your heart out to a friend or mate via text and got some annoying response like “sorry to hear that,” or no reply at all. What gives? Now on top of feeling vulnerable from what you just shared, you’re hurt, confused and angry. How dare they make you feel this way! Wait, how can someone MAKE you feel something? They can’t. No one reaches inside you and presses a button that causes y...

The hard truth about insecure attachment is that it doesn’t just affect your personal relationships. It affects every part of your life, including your career. Whether you’re struggling with boundaries at work or micromanaging your coworkers to feel validation, all your behaviors stem from fear. You’re afraid that your colleagues will see you as a failure, or they will criticize you. I’ve been in...

Your relationship with yourself is reflected in your relationships with others. If you didn’t receive much unconditional love as a kid, you do not know what it’s like to give yourself love and attention. And if you don’t give those to yourself, others won’t be able to give them to you because you teach people how to treat you. Disregard your own feelings and other people will follow your lead. You...

Think about something in your life that you continually complain about. Maybe it’s a partner who won’t commit, or your inability to get past a first date. Do you feel defeated and/or concerned you can’t have what you want? As with many things, it boils down to a lack of self-worth. If you believed in yourself, you wouldn’t worry so much. By contrast, look at the things you don’t sweat. Maybe it’s...

Anxiety and insecure attachment often go hand-in-hand. I’ve thought about this a lot recently because my boyfriend has no real concept of anxiety and that horrible feeling I used to have that I might die. Why? Because he’s securely attached. It’s helped me see how far I’ve come in my own growth because I don’t suffer like I used to, but at the same time I realize how much anxiety played a role in...

Having trouble detaching from a toxic relationship that is over because you swear he or she was your best friend? You try “no contact” and focus on yourself, which is great until you hear from them and lose all the ground you gained. You get sucked back into the hope that he or she has become the person you believed they could be, you know the best friend you imagined them to be plus more (lover,...

As a kid, Polly wanted to be anyone other than herself. She felt like a weird kid and was uncomfortable in her own skin. Growing up in a tumultuous household with an aggressive and violent stepfather, Polly learned early on to tune into nonverbal cues, something that has served her well as a coach. As she got older, she naturally gravitated toward relationships with men who treated her poorly. Bec...

Imagine what it would be like not to beat yourself up all the time, or to stop shaming yourself for the mistakes you’ve made. What would it be like to tell your inner critic to shut up, and instead make choices that feel good to you? I’ll tell you what it would feel like: it would be fabulous. I know this because that’s where I live now… although I used to have a very different address. I used to...

When insecurely attached to someone, you probably react to them in one of three ways (depending on your mood or day of the week): wanting to run away screaming, clinging like a piece of moss or numbing yourself so you don’t feel much of anything. This back-and-forth can make you feel crazy and out of control, like you are trying to cut an invisible cord between you and the other person. But you ca...

You can picture it: that special someone loving you, supporting you, giving to you, doing things for you. You have a vision for how your life will be when that person is in it (and it’s a lot better than your life is now!). If it doesn’t happen, you imagine yourself crumbling into a million pieces. It HAS to happen. This can be a desperate feeling full of shame, believing if you don’t find that pe...

Petia grew up in the Czech Republic, and from an early age, she was a people pleaser. She learned from her abusive stepdad that everything had to be perfect. Petia washed dishes and cleaned the house while her little brother watched TV, yet her deepest desire was to be loved. Not getting the love she wanted, Petia developed an eating disorder at age 11 which she struggled with for two decades. At...

You find out your partner is cheating the same day your bathroom floods. Then you call your friend on the way to the hardware store and get rear ended. We’ve all had days like that (ok, maybe not exactly like that!), but those days or series of days where the world feels like it’s conspiring against you. And of course, the first question you ask is WHY? What did you do to deserve this? It feels li...

You have probably heard some version of “what you think, you create.” Meaning your thoughts create your reality. If your love life feels like a train wreck (or any part of your life, really), this can be a scary idea. Are you creating the situation you don’t want by ruminating on negative thoughts? By constantly thinking there are no “good ones” out there, are you actually making it true? Well… ye...

Did you grow up feeling you were too much, not enough, too nice, too cold, too sensitive, too shy, too annoying, too inquisitive or too ANYTHING? Basically, instead of being loved for your whole self, did you feel like you were simply tolerated? Maybe you wondered, throughout your life, if people even liked being around you because those too much/not enough beliefs were always with you. So, to mov...

What do you want from me? What do you need from me? How can I make your life easier (while draining myself)? If these questions, or some version of them, come out of your mouth frequently, your value probably comes from what you do, not who you are. Throw insecure attachment into the mix and you can become over-the-top nutty in what you’ll do to receive validation that you’re okay. And that need c...

Are you in a relationship or dating someone who’s more robot than human; someone who intellectualizes everything and doesn’t show any warmth? Or what about someone who makes big promises all the time and never, ever follows through? Or maybe you’re with someone who appears and disappears without warning, pretending it’s normal, making you think YOU are the crazy one? These are signs of an Avoidant...