Freedom from Attachment

In this episode of “Surviving to Thriving: Overcoming My Darkest Moment” I talk with Alton Pete, U.S. Army Veteran and Author. Listen in as he takes us on his journey through the military and loss of his mother and sister to now where he sheds light on PTSD and Depression as well as just completed his first book "Life is so Precious." Learn more about Alton Pete at altonpete.com

Men and women are wired for intimacy at birth, but some are conditioned to reject it. If you are insecurely attached, you probably didn’t experience a lot of true intimacy as a child so you learned to see the world as an emotionally unsafe place. You may have learned that love is not easily shown or given; that it’s conditional upon behavior; that it’s inconsistent. As a result, intimacy as an adu...

In this special series, Tracy will be answering your questions around emotional baggage. This week she dives into the hot topics of boundaries, triggers, and people-pleasing. Want to submit your question? Email info@tracycrossley.com and watch live on Facebook every Thursday at 9 am PST.

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic used to make you question your reality, but when you’re insecurely attached, you may not trust your own reality to begin with. You look externally for validation because you believe other people know how you should feel more than yourself. If your partner says you’re horrible at budgeting, you may feel a deep sense of shame, even if you’ve always felt you did j...

Depression sometimes results from pleasing others at the expense of yourself; by trying to be someone else in order to make others happy; by defining yourself through your actions for others. As a kid, if you felt you were unlovable or unacceptable in some way, you hid those unsavory parts about yourself and doubled-down on the parts that received validation. All that time spent seeking approval f...

Are you afraid of expressing your true feelings because you might upset someone? Or do you think they will shut you down because they can’t handle the truth? If you were yelled at as a kid for doing something wrong, then shared how it made you feel and were told your feelings don’t matter, you learned to shove your feelings down. As an adult, this might manifest as trying to keep the peace so ever...

What do you do to block pleasure? Do you create obstacles for yourself to jump over in order to earn pleasure and happiness? Do you look joy in the face and say, “What did I do to deserve this? This must be a mistake!” If you are more comfortable with pain than pleasure, you’re not alone. Even if you WANT happiness and even visualize what it may look like, you probably fear it. Even during those f...

People who are beyond anxious and can also be characterized as ambivalent, avoidant, disordered, etc., may have been raised by a narcissist. These are people-pleasing perfectionists who lack self-trust and tend to hide out because of guilt, shame or fear. They don’t feel connected to their achievements even if they work incredibly hard, and are definitely insecurely attached when it comes to relat...

Everything you think about someone online is an assumption. Most people know this, and yet we use social media as a way of finding information to confirm our beliefs. You may look for people who fit into your worldview, whether it’s about raising kids, relationships, religion, social mores, etc. And when you encounter those who don’t share your view, there may be a tendency to react and get defens...

How much time do you spend analyzing the behavior of yourself and others to understand or figure things out? What about analyzing your feelings? Do you try to deconstruct why you’re feeling a certain way, or focus on how you SHOULD feel instead? Analysis keeps you in the same pattern of thinking, and thinking solves nothing on an emotional level. The only way to get emotional clarity is by actuall...

It’s easy to get stuck in your story, believing nothing will ever change. Maybe you curse the universe for working against you, saying nothing ever goes your way, but it’s not anything external that keeps your life on repeat. It’s you. More specifically, it’s how you perceive life and interpret experiences. If you believe you’re doomed, that’s what you will help create. It’s safe and easy to draw...

In this episode of “Surviving to Thriving: Overcoming My Darkest Moment” I talk with Anthony Trucks, former NFL player turned serial entrepreneur. Listen in as he takes us on his journey through foster care to the NFL to now where he is a master of navigating the identity shifts that life puts us through on the path to reaching our full potential. Learn more about Anthony at www. TrucksTeam.com.

I hear people say they want to change all the time—whether it’s getting divorced, changing jobs, finding a partner or improving a parental relationship. They say they are willing to do what it takes, and even connect with their feelings, but the needle doesn’t move. Frustrated, they go into victim mode by getting defensive (but I’m doing everything I can!) or blaming others (my therapist is useles...

It’s easy to label someone as toxic, obnoxious, boring, etc. in order to dismiss them. Sometimes it even happens without knowing much about the person. Why do you do it? What is happening inside when you are quick to write someone off or decide they are no good? Perhaps you feel threatened in some way, like part of you believes they are better than you. Judging them can provide a sense of superior...

How often do you find yourself in a situation where you just cannot take being there another minute longer? The appeal of running away, distracting and hiding when anxiety or discomfort surfaces is huge. Our society even teaches us how to dispose of things: cut bait, kick someone to the curb, cut your losses, etc. Those tactics may provide immediate relief, but it doesn’t help you grow. You may no...

How do you usually wake up feeling? Are you excited about the day ahead, or do you worry about what could go wrong? Maybe you awake in a panic. You don’t know why, so you start racking your brain for what you may have forgotten. Or maybe you simply have an anxious feeling you can’t shake, so it ruins your day. However it manifests, it’s horrible and you want it to stop. Maybe you even try to drown...

How often do you try to avoid someone being mad at you? Do you attempt to do things perfectly for fear of being blamed, then berate yourself when you fall short? Let’s say you usually do the ironing at home. One day your partner goes to grab a shirt before a big meeting. There are a few wrinkles—nothing major—but he/she is clearly upset. You feel horrible. Your partner doesn’t say it’s your fault,...

Do you believe you are a trustworthy person when it comes to love and relationships, yet have trouble trusting your partner (or potential partner)? Maybe you are afraid they will cheat so you use that as an excuse not to commit. When your behavior is in reaction to someone else (i.e. I’m not going to commit because I suspect he/she is cheating), there are definitely trust issues, but it’s actually...

You’re picky about who you date, looking for Mr. or Ms. Perfect (i.e. someone who won’t hurt or disappoint you). Then you find someone who likes you. There is mutual chemistry, and yet, they seem hesitant. You know what it was like at the beginning (which could have been last week), but now it feels as though they are slip sliding away. Perhaps it triggers in you the feeling of neediness. You clin...

If “what if’s” rule your world because you’re always afraid of making the wrong choice, you live your life with one foot in and one foot out. In other words, your lack of commitment keeps you stuck, convinced life is working against you. You will actually look for evidence to support your non-decision, then complain the Universe doesn’t have your back (but it doesn’t have your back because you hav...

In this episode of “Surviving to Thriving: Overcoming My Darkest Moment” I talk with Neeta Bhushan, an Emotional Health Educator and Executive Performance Coach to global leaders and CEOs as well as thousands of women from all walks of life. Listen in as she takes us through her journey through multiple losses and a toxic relationship to now where she has written two Amazon best-sellers Emotional...

Have you ever met someone where the chemistry was incredible, but it led you to act like a complete lunatic? Maybe this person canceled dinner plans, triggering you to do things that made you cringe WHILE doing them. But you couldn’t stop it from happening. You barely recognize yourself because you’re usually pretty even-keeled. When triggered into this crazy mode, some people throw objects or scr...

A lot of people think happiness is like an amusement park ride with intense highs that must be chased. But happiness is subtler than that, and what you THINK leads to happiness may actually result in the opposite. Many anti-happiness behaviors become patterns without you realizing it, and they can end up ruling your life. By recognizing and then stopping them, you actually challenge yourself to be...

Most people have narcissistic tendencies, it is part of what keeps human beings alive. Without it, no one would be here. The problem with slapping that label on your partner is that it may prevent you from seeing and acknowledging your own stuff. No one is in a position to judge others, and doing so is often a reflection of how you see yourself because other people are mirrors for your own behavio...

Do people ever do things that annoy you, but you keep it to yourself because you know they won’t change their behavior? Or have you broken up with someone out of anger and regretted it later? Maybe you want to express your regret, but figure your ex has probably moved on… so what’s the point? It all seems like a waste of effort. The thing is, sharing your feelings has nothing to do with changing t...