Free Sex

Why do we need social norms around sex? My guest in this episode is Tina Fetner, a sociologist who has studied peoples’ sex lives in Canada. Tina walked me through her research into the who, why, when and how of sex, including what she’s discovered about masturbation habits, promiscuity and porn. And then we got into a conversation about the social norms of sex, which we all seem to measure oursel...

What can bi-curious men learn from women? My guest in this episode is Emma Sayle who for two decades has been running glamorous sex parties that centre female pleasure. Many of the men who go to Emma’s Killing Kittens parties have wanted to play with other men, but feel some worries or shame about it. So now Emma is planning a party just for them. In this episode, Emma told me what she’s learnt fr...

When can we have all the sexual health services we need? My guest in this episode is Phil Samba, health promoter and the host of The Other Blue Pill podcast series . That show is about a pill called PrEP, which stops people getting HIV, and how campaigners fought legal battles for years to make it available to everyone in the UK. Phil is now trying to keep up that momentum in making all our sexual...

What can straight people learn from queer relationships? My guest in this episode is Amanda Middleton , a family and systemic psychotherapist. Amanda works with queer couples, families and polycules. Through decades of experience, she’s developed a fascinating practice that places queer attitudes at the heart of her work—and her insights now can benefit everybody. The point is that these queer app...

Would sex robots be good for us? My guest in this episode is Heather Parry , who’s been wondering why we need sex robots. Heather is a writer of fiction and non-fiction, and she wrote a book called Electric Dreams: On Sex Robots and the Failed Promises of Capitalism . It’s a fascinating bipedal stroll through the growing industry of pimped-up sex dolls and the dreams of imagineers who predict a wo...

Can you be intimate with 200 people? My guest in this episode is Nick Woof, the founder of London’s edgiest erotic party, Bator Bros . The party is centred on the idea that we can enjoy intimacy and community in a sexual context. Imagine an orgy, but where you’re only allowed to use your hands (sorta).  Nick explains how he developed the ideas that led to him to create this new type of sex pa...

Does age matter? My guest in this episode is Hayley Conyers, who has been working as a research assistant at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, and specifically on a study into the sexual health of older adults . Many people assume that older people aren’t having sex, or that if they are, that’s gross. Well, both of those things are wrong, aren’t they? A free sex world is a world...

How can we overcome slutshaming? My guest in this episode is Beth Ashley , author of Sluts: The Truth about Slutshaming and What We Can Do To Fight It . It’s a wide-ranging book that pulls together history, politics, class, identity, gender and activism, to try to understand the resurgence of slutshaming. Thankfully Beth also has tons of actions that we can all take to fight back. I remember telli...

Why don’t some women want to date bisexual men? My guest in this episode is Lewis Oakley , a bisexual activist. Lewis has experienced prejudice from women who tell him to his face that even if they like him, they won’t date him due to his history of gay sex. This is one of the many ways that biphobia not only endures, but seems to go unchecked. So Lewis is on a mission to change that attitude, thr...

Should we show off our kinky selves in public? My guest in this episode is Pup Davey , who is a pornstar and all-round kinky queer person. He makes a living from kinky sex videos and he wants the freedom to share them.  Davey and I talked about the limits in society on our freedom to express ourselves sexually (especially if we’re kinky). This includes battling online censorship and wearing k...

Is it possible to have too much sex? My guest in this episode is Mark Walton, who thinks the answer is yes. Mark has a history of compulsive sexual behaviour. This wasn’t healthy for Mark, so to move forward he used a combination of therapy, groups, and the book Overcoming Sex Addiction by Thaddeus Birchhardt. Mark is very sex positive, and wants everyone to have the sex they want. But when it lea...

Will ‘body positivity’ actually end fatphobia? My guest in this episode is Gina Tonic , who is a writer and the host of The Polyester Podcast . Gina tells me that free sex would mean pleasure without limitation—and we talked a lot about how fatphobia limits us all. Gina walks me through fat liberation, why queer spaces are fat-friendly pioneers, the personal politics of fetishisation... and why ‘b...

Should doctors be prescribing orgasm? My guest in this episode is Dr Elliot Justin. Elliot has a background in emergency medicine, but recently he’s been busy inventing a pretty fancy cock ring. Elliot is really into men’s erectile fitness, because it can tell doctors like him a lot about the patient’s overall health. So the cock ring developed by his company, FirmTech , claims to be comfortable e...

My guest in this episode is Vic Liu, an artist and information designer who makes books that aim to make the world a little better. One way the world could be a little better is probably if we all had better wank-lives. Who needs a sex life, if your wank life is hot and fulfilling? One of Vic’s books is BANG! , which is a guide about masturbation for people of all genders and abilities. The book b...

Could we have a polyamorous world? My guest in this episode is Libro Levi Bridgeman , a writer, performer, the editor of Hot Pencil Press , and a ‘solo poly’ person. Libro’s been on quite the journey with sex since the 80s—from butch dyke to nonbinary legend, and lots in between.  Libro’s story is one of periodic monogamy, gender-affirming surgery, caring for others, and the freedom that can...

Can we make it easier to say what we want in sex?  My guest in this episode is Susan Bratton . As an intimacy adviser and wellness expert, Susan has no end of talking techniques, libido botanicals, blood-flow supplements and sexual energy bars to help us all to have better sex. Susan’s having the best sex of her life in her 60s—and she wants you and me to share the joy! But better sex isn’t e...

How can we take care of each other?  My guest in this episode is Dani Singer aka Dani Dinger , who is a performer, sex worker, activist and an expert in nightlife welfare. If you want to know how to run a good sex party, speak to Dani. They co-founded an agency called Safe Only to do exactly this. Dani and the folks at Safe Only have a deep understanding of how to mould space and time so that...

Isn’t pleasure a part of good sexual health? My guest in this episode is Dr Jozef Shaw. Joe works in a hospital in London, practising sexual health, HIV and general internal medicine. He’s used to seeing patients with genital symptoms, giving them treatment, and then sending them home. But there’s so much that’s missing from this medicalised approach to sexual health... So Joe tells me his big ide...

How can a submissive disabled person get the sex they want? My guest in this episode is Dan Daw — an exquisite performer with huge ideas and an electrifying stage presence. They made The Dan Daw Show , which knocked my socks off the first time I saw it (I went back and saw it again!). Dan’s show feels like the world of free sex I’m craving, so I knew we had to speak about it. The show is also...

Why are we having less sex? My guest in this episode is the author and comedian Rosie Wilby. Rosie is wondering why surveys are showing that people, especially the young ones, are having less sex than they used to. She’s also reflecting on how relationships change the kind of sex we fancy, and how the stereotypes of gay men and lesbians with regard to sex stand up to scrutiny...  This was a r...

Can we calculate risk at the same time as trying to nut with someone? My guest in this episode is Tina Horn, who is a writer and perv, just like me. She’s really into helping us all figure out how to reduce harm during sex and staying horny while also thinking about the risk of sex. I came across Tina when she was hosting a Wondery podcast called Operator , about the sex workers who ran phone line...

Why can’t we have sex in public? My guest in this episode is Jackson King, a writer, journalist and pro dom (professional dominant). Jackson’s way to free sex is through the political and public liberation of sex. In this interview, he breaks this all down for me: from legal rights, to the priorities of the LGBTQ+ movement, from what it means to have complete control over your own body, and to how...

How can therapy help us to have better sex? My guest in this episode is Dr Lori Beth Bisbey. Not gonna lie: since I watched Dr Lori counsel countless couples into opening up their relationship on a reality TV show called Open House: The Great British Sex Experiment, I’ve been a bit obsessed with her. Dr Lori has decades of experience as a therapist, specialising in sex and relationships (and espec...

Can you imagine a world without any shame? My guest in this episode is José Carlos Mejia, who told me the three things we’d need to eliminate if we want to have free sex. Shame, judgement and expectation — they’re all heavy obstacles, but in José’s hands they just crumble.  When I was developing the idea for this podcast, José was one of the people I spoke to. He thinks deeply and clearly abo...

Why are South Asian people in the UK getting more STIs? My guest this episode is Dr Rageshri Dhairyawan. In treating her patients in HIV and sexual health in east London, UK, Rageshri noticed that STI diagnoses in South Asian people were growing, and that they have less knowledge of HIV than other groups do. When Rageshri researched what was going on, she was shocked to find that doctors have know...