Formerly Feral Podcast

I think steadily saying something of value can drain a person. Unfortunately, the algorithm demands routine posting and the pressure that comes with it. I’ve learned that pouring from an empty cup can do violence to our souls. So I’ve been away for a bit. The late Blaze Foley sang a song called Clay Pigeons and in it, he sings of being at an intersection, a crisis, a time of searching. A part of t...

I’m going to offer my most controversial take in the three years of doing this Substack: We have to schedule noticing joy and put it on the calendar. I don’t mean create joy, it’s there, I mean merely notice it. In our over-scheduled lives, usually only two things happen: Things we schedule and have to get done, or the things we do to avoid the tasks we have scheduled and need to complete. So we’r...

When my wife and I told our friends we were moving to Southern California, the list of things I should be concerned about was long. I should worry about wildfires, earthquakes, the homeless crisis, the liberal direction of government, and the immigration crisis. We just passed the one-year mark here, and I realized I wasn’t warned about what’s been the most persistent concern. It’s been said that...

The fact that the bible says God watches the sparrows should surprise me more than it does. Folks who call themselves birders often don’t care much about sparrows. When someone sees me carrying my camera, the first assumption is that I’m bird watching. (Second, that I’m paparazzi lol) I will often get stories about them seeing a bald eagle. It’s fine, but can I tell you I’ve never gotten a sparrow...

I started riding a bike for my commute. Please don’t be impressed. It’s a pedal-assist cargo e-bike, so I’m not exerting myself too much. It’s a grocery getter, short-haul carrier bike that might be the most middle-aged purchase I’ve ever made. But the wind in my face, safely navigating around my neighborhood, town, and beyond has been a nice experience. Mostly. I live where the weather favors bik...

We work to make a living—bills to pay, you know? But as we spend the bulk of our time working, something happens. Our sense of self and worth begins to be fueled by our work. We no longer work to support ourselves but to make sense of our place in the world. This can also affect our recreation and hobbies. Whatever we do can be co-opted to give us an identity. Even good things that benefit our fam...

On a recent windy day, I was at the coast, and as I walked along the surf, I was reminded of the phrase “ the sea has no memory. ” Unlike humans, the phrase means that the ocean does not retain past experiences or hold onto memories; it constantly changes and is not affected by past events, signifying a sense of timelessness and the ability to exist in the present moment without the burden of the...

Lately, we’ve been through it. There’s been a lot to think about and process. There seems to be a steady stream of things to concern our minds. Even if you’re among those who say they don’t watch the news, it’s hard not to pick up the static of panic in the environment by simply moving through your day. It’s like knowing all the words to the song Sweet Caroline but never having bought a Neil Diamo...

What lets you know you’re breathing? As you’re reading this, take a slightly deeper breath. Where do you feel the earliest sensations of your inhale? Get detailed and granular with the data. Sometimes, it takes some time to find the start. At first, it may be easier to find your inhalation's overall more extensive experience. Is it in your chest expanding? Is your belly swelling? From the larger e...

A continuous stream of crows flows south across the sky in the intense yellows and oranges of the sun’s fading daylight each dusk. For thirty minutes, intermittent waves of one of San Diego County’s largest crow flock head to what I’m told is a nightly roost at Lake Hodges. Fascinated by the flock's regularity and scale, I did some research. Not so much online but with elder residents (living Goog...

Robert covers some miles on his bike. He has 21 bikes in all and rotates in and out of the fleet daily in his travels outside and around Escondido, California. For some reason, his sleek bikes seem European to me and have narrow tires about as wide as a piece of rigatoni. He often uses a bike instead of his car and averages over five to six thousand miles a year on a bike. I wonder if he realizes...

Often, artists are not in control of what their art reveals about themselves. At times, artists can make statements they didn’t intend to make. It’s humbling to make public what happens privately in our minds. Left on the page, the canvas, or in music, what was once in our control no longer only shows what an artist wants it to. There’s a painting I have come to love for its relaxing, clean lines....

We moved. It was a move that took us from central Pennsylvania to San Diego County, California. At the time, I thought I’d be here on Formerly Feral sharing poetic observations. I’d be trying to weave spiritual insights through the sweeping experience of a cross-country move. But here’s the thing: Moving is time-consuming. I’ll say more someday, but for now, I’ll say this: we made it. As is my rou...

A strong sense of your inherent worth will welcome questions. When we’re centered in our worth and are asked questions, it won’t be a threat, and when we ask them, the hint of not knowing something won’t chip away at our sense of self. The converse is true, too; if our sense of worth is low or fragile, we’ll feel we’re supposed to know already. What a shameful thing to not already know, right? And...

How’s your audition going? Didn’t know you were auditioning? We often are these days. Let me pick on social media that great punching bag that we both hate and are simultaneously tethered to. I should warn you that the following thoughts are not unique to social media. So, if you’re not on or are only a lurker, please know the ills of social auditioning are not exclusive to Facebook; it’s just eas...

An old Folgers coffee ad includes a jingle: “ The best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup .” The practices around waking up have been on my mind lately, and this little earworm roars to life when I think of waking up’s best parts. Birdsong is big for me. In its absence, something deep in my mammalian psyche is off. A morning can feel bleak and somehow darker without the song sparrow on our n...

We all have a friend like this. They are the center of the conversational universe. Even if they are listening, it’s from a crouched position, waiting to pounce into the conversation to make it about them. They upstage, dismiss, and hold court as all topics obit their preferences. They have a trove of hero stories in which they expertly handed the struggle you’re sharing. Their stance is certainty...

What does low self-worth look like? A shy, backward, self-doubting, feckless, and underachieving mess of a person? The traits we assume a person who lacks self-worth can be cartoonishly simple. And to be fair, these can be correct. But I want to warn you that there are some perfect disguises at the masquerade ball of daily performances. Chelsea Growing up, a friend’s mom had a bull-mastiff named C...

Mike Vrabel was fired from his head coaching job with the Tennessee Titans. Apparently, in the sports world, this was unexpected. A headline filled my feeds for a news cycle or two. Seen as one of the best present coaches, Vrabel’s ouster was criticized by many. It’s how it goes; in fact, six vacancies have been created lately. I have no idea what type of coach Vrabel was, but it got me thinking....

Jon Kabat-Zinn , the creator of Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction , was interviewed by Oprah and was unexpectedly asked, “Jon, what do you think about life after death?”. Jon replied, “Oprah, I have virtually no interest in the question of life after death; I’m interested in the question of whether there’s life before death.” He went on to say in a recent interview. “What often passes for life is...

Five years ago, I walked onto the Appalachian Trail (AT) for the first time. The AT is a 2,190+ mile long public footpath from Georgia to Maine. I planned to travel 30 miles in the Michaux State Forest in Pennsylvania. I would spend four days on the trail, camping in the backwoods. I had done exhaustive research on the backpacking tent I should get, the cooking system, the water filtration kit, an...

What if you’re not actually an introvert? In this post, I will suggest your self-diagnosis may be a bit off. Suppose you cling to the giant and often hilarious introversion community with a thriving online meme industrial complex. You may be unwilling to shed the introversion label but hear me out. Introverts can be a welcoming community, even if from a distance. The growing online spaces of the 2...

We are over the pumpkin-sized hump of Halloween and into the season of thanks we go. We are between two worlds. Perhaps more than we realize. In our era in America, Halloween is an incredible celebration of fantasy that’s escalated in every imagined direction, from twelve-foot plastic skeletons and inflatables of every variety in people’s yards to a costume store that’s a retail zombie called Spir...

*contains spoilers about The Birds I went to two movies in two weeks. That’s some kind of recent record. The first was a 60th anniversary showing of Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds . The film holds up if one can put aside the crude special effects that are silly by today’s standards. I mean, it still works because it seems like it could happen . The slow retreat from Bodega Bay with perched blackbird...

What more could she say? That was my reaction to Katherine May’s recent post entitled How to light the dark months: A Manifesto for winter light. May was the breakout author of 2020’s Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times . She helped recast my vision and expectations of winter. I’m still not sold on needing winter, but I’m warming up to the idea. The autumnal equinox recalib...