Football Ramble

The Papa John's Trophy served up some more lukewarm slices last night, with AFC Wimbledon eliminated and Newcastle United U21's battered at Mansfield. At least Jonjo Shelvey's been signing some local cans of lemonade, the good sport. Jules, Andy and Pete pour some garlic butter over more football nonsense, with Steven Gerrard casting an eye southwards and Xavi putting the Catalan hammer down. We a...

Kate, Luke and Jim get stuck into the big questions right at the heart of the football discourse on today's show: did Arsène Wenger leave Arsenal too late? Did Callum Wilson think he was collecting Eddie Howe from the airport? Who's Stuart Attwell again?  We also wonder how Howe might fare on Tyneside after his appointment was confirmed, hear of some glorious Brazilian shithousery and ce...

Antonio Conte's back! Eddie Howe's (almost) back! And Marcus is back! Get ready for a Friday feast. Vish and Jim join Marcus to hail the return of John Wick to the Premier League, get the latest puns from Tyneside, and check in on both Manchester clubs ahead of the big derby tomorrow. Ole Gunnar Solskjær and Donny van de Beek are apparently stuck somewhere on the fourth level of Inception. Search...

Liverpool cantered to another victory over a pretty cantankerous Atlético Madrid last night thanks to some icy refereeing. That doesn’t sound like our Diego. Kate, Andy and Pete review last night’s Champions League happenings, before turning to important matters like Bournemouth player Ben Pearson’s skincare routine and one of the most outrageous takes we’ve ever heard from Djibril Cissé. Join us!...

Watching Man United's trademark comebacks is like flying on a budget airline to a stag do - more disorganised chaos that always seems to get there eventually. Kate, Luke and Andy call out Ole Gunnar Solskjær for more post-game patronising and praise Chelsea's adaptability. We also debate the merits of Unai Emery, as his trip to Newcastle hangs in the balance, and celebrate a landmark occasion for...

Kate, Jim and Vish track Wolves' migration up the table after another tidy win, this time against a struggling Everton. We wonder why the bottom half of the table remains a maelstrom of uncertainty - maybe Marcelo Bielsa's translating sherpa can guide us through. We also look into Antonio Conte's imminent arrival in North London and the embarrassment of managerial riches the Premier League will po...

The inevitable axe has finally fallen, with Saturday's turgid performance enough to get Nuno Espírito Santo the sack - whether we can blame him for it or not. Jules, Luke and Jim wonder why it's consistently gone wrong for Spurs since the 2019 Champions League final and who they should turn to next. We also catch up on a load of other results from the week, as Brighton and Palace took on the big b...

As the Man United saga rolls on, Sir Alex Ferguson's back at Carrington. It's just to get a suit fitted, apparently - we assume Ole is holding the tape measure. Kate, Vish and Pete look ahead to more Premier League nonsense, with United travelling to Spurs and The Graeme Jones Experience in town for one weekend only. Elsewhere, Aleksandar Mitrović is out for a spookin' and Norwich City insist they...

First United, now City - David Moyes is coming for you, Manchester. That bridge he burned when he took over from Sir Alex Ferguson is still smouldering. Jules, Luke and Pete bathe in yet more Fizzy Cup action as Leicester squeezed past Brighton thanks to the Seagulls' generosity, while Brentford broke their Stoke hoodoo. We also celebrate some lovely news from Australia and literally redefine the...

Kate, Vish and Pete dive into another round of the Fizzy Cup as Arsenal continued their lovely autumn stroll and wildman Kepa Arrizabalaga psyched out the entire population of Southampton.  We also get a Lionesses update after another dominant qualifying display that has left people asking about a Women's Nations League, before applying our Owners' and Directors Test to Derby's potential new...

Antonio Conte seems open to scorching the earth on which decades of Manchester United's success has been built, after saying he'd "be open to understanding the project". We all would, I think. Kate, Jim and Andy run through the latest spins of the managerial merry-go-round, as Newcastle look to finalise Steve Bruce's replacement. We also scrutinise David Beckham's ambassadorial role for Qatar 2022...

Kate, Luke and Andy are here, counter-pressing the notion that Manchester United are any good after a horrendous showing against the Mo Salah Experience. Elsewhere, we wonder where it's all going wrong for Daniel Farke, rate some increasingly Josh King extroverted celebrations and decide that Pep Guardiola must be stopped - he's coaching random Brighton stewards, for Christ's sake. Search ‘Footbal...

Kate, Vish and Luke react to last night's changing of the European guard, with West Ham strutting their stuff and José Mourinho's Roma the victims in a brutal Scandinavian crime drama. We also look ahead to some tasty Premier League ties, as Leeds look to rediscover some form and Man United find themselves in Liverpool's crosshairs - all on today's Preview Show, sponsored by Betway! Search ‘Footba...

Ole Gunnar Solskjær's tribute act got away with another sloppy performance last night, though Ronnie's last-gasp winner couldn't cheer up Paul Scholes. Kate, Vish and Jim look over another cracking European #matchday before discussing Steve Bruce's unseemly tenure at Newcastle and if anyone can look back fondly on it. Vish also brings us another bizarre update from the Icardi family! Search ‘Footb...

Liverpool scraped past Atlético Madrid in a thoroughly entertaining dingdong last night, even though a red card sent Simeone's men into near-uncharted levels of shithousery. Pete, Vish and Jim also check in with the latest on Tyneside, as other Premier League clubs kick up a fuss and Steve Bruce gets sacked live on air, and Ange Postecoglou continues to remain 110% Australian. Search ‘Football Ram...

Patrick Vieira went to Arsenal’s backyard and almost came away with all three points, while Ben White watched on and wondered what all the fuss was about. Today, we open the Pandora’s Box: Pete is in the chair! He, Luke and Jim chat all things Arsenal vs Crystal Palace. Elsewhere, Keggy a visit to a CBD shop, we discuss England’s stadium ban and there’s Champos action tonight! Search ‘Football Ram...

Newcastle's bunch of ragtag mercenaries probably saw yesterday's tussle with Tottenham as a chance to show the new owners what they're all about. So: Callum Wilson scored, Allan Saint-Maximin danced down some blind alleys and Jonjo Shelvey was sent off after 20 minutes. Standard. Jules, Luke and Pete blast through that and some other cracking games from the weekend, as Wolves and the Foxes complet...

As the Saudi shadow looms large over Brucey's thousandth game in charge, we wonder which one of the eight million reasons he'll trot out in the pre-game presser on today's episode of The Preview Show, sponsored by Betway! Marcus, Luke and Pete also catch up with some off-field antics at Leicester, celebrate the return of Uncle Claudio from his Italian sojourn and wonder if Brentford can provide an...

Jules, Andy and Vish stop buying MesutCoin long enough to take stock of the latest news, with Chelsea impressing over in Turin and Phil Foden securing the quite outrageous bag. Elsewhere, we look over the slimming down of Ligue 1 and its implications for the rest of Europe, buy some of Özil's new crypto and hear of how a high school striker's 16 goals is causing a national stir. Search ‘Football R...

England's swashbucklers cut through precisely sod all last night in an underwhelming draw with Hungary. Maybe we need... *more* attackers? Kate, Andy and Jim pick through that throwback performance and celebrate a vital derby win for Scotland in the Faroe Islands. We also wonder how Arsène Wenger can tarnish his legacy even further with more biennial World Cup nonsense and get to some of your dile...

Gareth Bale’s been watching some golf again, THE LITTLE SLACKER. Turns out his countrymen got the job done without him, as Wales escaped Estonia with a vital three points and no more goalkeeping clangers. Kate, Jim and Andy round up the rest of the international happenings, with Memphis Depay being his usual generous self from the penalty spot and Timo Werner grabbing a couple. We also hear of som...

International football served up its usual range of delights this weekend, as France won the Nations League - via the sublime and the ridiculous - while England dispatched Andorra with predictable ease. Marcus, Luke and Pete get stuck into those and some impressive results from the other home nations. We also hear Pete's thoughts on the Newcastle takeover as Brucey's days look to be numbered and d...

There were delirious scenes on Tyneside following the official announcement that the PIF takeover of Newcastle United was complete - but we must acknowledge Mike Ashley's noble role in all this. Marcus, Andy and Vish wonder what Keggy's ambassadorial role will be in the new setup before turning their attention to international football, as the Nations League served up another cracking semi-final a...

Well, it's been close to happening for over a year and it's safe to say many people are disgusted about it: Italy's unbeaten streak is over! With the Nations League making internationals great again, Kate, Andy and Vish recap a storming affair and some impressive Spanish youngsters. And with the Saudi Arabian takeover of Newcastle set to go through, we wrestle with the dilemma of accepting much-ne...

We're swimming in garlic dip on today's episode, as Papa John served up a great win for Hartlepool and Barrow's keeper ended up in centre-midfield. Truly magical stuff. Marcus, Luke and Pete also check in with two seismic football institutions, as Sir Alex Ferguson grows potatoes for war and Ronald Koeman looks sadder by the day. Maybe Barcelona can get Shaun Goater in to flex his administrative m...