Football Ramble

Kate, Vish and Jim settle in for another Ramble after yesterday's botched Champions League draw highlighted what piss-poor pageantry we've come to accept from these bizarre events. At least Michael Owen explained it all clearly on BT Sport... Elsewhere, we wonder how Dele Alli can revitalise his career ahead of a touted January move and ask just how long football can push its luck amidst skyrocket...

Throughout the festive period, it's important to carve out a bit of indulgent time for yourself. This weekend, pour yourself a fizzy lager and enjoy your team getting pumped 4-0 by laissez-faire Leicester - just what the Donaldson ordered. Pete's joined by Luke and Jules after another chaotic weekend as Raheem Stirling joined the Hundred Club and Marcelo Bielsa liberated his passions at Stamford B...

The Foxes might not have been able to squeeze through the Europa League group stages last night, but at least a dog on Partizan’s pitch during their Europa Conference League game had a lovely old squeeze. Swings and roundabouts for the animal kingdom, eh? Kate, Luke and Pete cast their eyes over last night’s action and Brendan Rodgers’ chapped lips on today’s Preview Show, sponsored by Betway! We...

It was a landmark moment at Old Trafford last night, as Ralf Rangnick brought Tom Heaton on for his Man United debut 20 years after he first joined. That’s the stuff. Marcus, Andy and Pete chew over the final chapter of the Champions League group stages, as Barcelona’s journey to a last eight Europa League defeat at the hands of David Moyes begins. Plus, Portmantonio Conte returns and Patrik Schic...

Some say the Champions League group stages are boring. We say look at Porto vs Atlético’s three red cards in ten minutes and try telling us that isn’t world class entertainment. Jules, Andy and Jim drink in last night’s action as Man City get a surprise in Leipzig. We also look over the fan review recommendations that’s getting Premier League bosses all hot and bothered, Jules gets a valuable less...

Arsenal went into Banter Club retrograde last night with a dismal display that helped Everton to a vital three points. Even some picky VAR offsides for Richarlison couldn't save them! Kate, Vish and Jim pick through Arsenal's torrid turn and wonder if Farhad Moshiri can turn things around at Everton despite all evidence suggesting otherwise. We also call in the Keggycopter to help with some signag...

Marcus and Vish are joined by the returning Luke Moore for another post-Barclays bash, as West Ham's latest vintage win left David Moyes a bit *too* happy for our liking. Elsewhere, Edmund Howe delivered a timely Toon win against struggling Burnley and Ralf Rangick's tactical tinkering was enough to unshackle Fred. We also recap a purrfect win for Chelsea in the Women's FA Cup final and enjoy anot...

Man United welcome in the Ralf Rangnick era with a chaotic win over Arsenal, with Fred epitomising the good, the bad and the batshit that Ralf must contend with. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Marcus, Andy and Jim look ahead to a bumper Barclays weekender on today's Preview Show, sponsored by Betway. There are some huge matches down the bottom of the table, a cross-capital di...

Fresh from catching some courtside NBA action with fellow celeb Troy Deeney, Andy joins Kate and Vish in the studio to look for Saúl Ñíguez. Even Thomas Tuchel doesn't know where he is, ffs. We also recap a one-sided Merseyside derby and wonder what's next for Everton, retire Jack Grealish's Alice band and enjoy some elite outfield-player-in-net shenanigans in Turkey! Tweet us @ Football Ramble an...

It seems the Keggy hoodoo is still lurking around every corner at St James' Park, as Eddie Howe is still looking to capture that entertaining allure. Shots on goal: some. Shots in their own feet: several. Marcus, Jim and Pete also look over Leeds' last gasp win against Crystal Palace, where Raphinha's stuttering penalty run-up was nearly ended by the final whistle. We also bring you an update on r...

More bizarre football awards ceremonies last night, as Lionel Messi won the Ballon d'Or while Robert Lewandowski had to settle for the Whole Load of Goals prize dreamed up fifteen minutes beforehand. Marcus, Pete and Vish bask in Lionel's reflected glory and wonder how Ralf Rangnick might get on at Manchester United after completing his move. We also look ahead to two huge Premier League matches,...

Even the blizzards summoned by Łukasz Fabiański this weekend weren't enough to stop either a purring Manchester City from winning or Sean Dyche from putting a jacket on.  Kate, Jim and Lars round up a flurry of Premier League goodness as radio's Ralf Rangnick helped Man United get a point at Stamford Bridge and Graham Potter weathered some unusual booing. We also summarise the game's latest b...

Like a rock hard Mitre to the face on a freezing Sunday morning, it’s safe to say Antonio Conte was struck by the size of the task he has at Tottenham after his men were downed by Mura last night. Marcus, Pete and Jim wonder just how many of his players he might run over when he sees them in training on Friday.  Elsewhere there's more European goodness, Manchester United look to be on the ver...

Mauricio Pochettino slunk back to Paris with his tail between his legs last night after another fairytale clash with Man City, where Bernardo Silva served up the sauce and Kyle Walker was just really, really fast again. Marcus, Andy and Jim chew over that and travel to Liverpool as well, where we hail Thiago and check in with Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, who’s sliding into Gareth’s DMs as we speak. Pl...

They've crawled through a river of shite, but Jadon Sancho and Donny van de Beek have finally reached Redemption. Michael Carrick, take an interim bow. Pete, Andy and Vish recap last night's Champions League action, as Chelsea's production line delivered some delicious goods and Andy caught Barcelona's *thrilling* 0-0 with Benfica at the Camp Nou. We also make fleeting stops in France (for crowd t...

Club legends are ten a penny, nowadays. Whether it's Steve Bruce eyeing up the Manchester United job or Tony Hibbert joining a new club five years since his Everton retirement, you'll find them everywhere. Marcus, Vish and Lars wonder where Man United go next as they shake off Ole Gunnar Solskjær's sickly sweet vibes - would Mauricio Pochettino make that train journey? Elsewhere, Messrs Southgate...

Well, the inevitable axe has finally fallen: Ole Gunnar Solskjær has been sacked by Manchester United. Jules, Jim and Pete pore over the dismal performance that broke the panel's back and wonder what's next for the rudderless Reds. We also blast through a load of other amazing results from the weekend, with new managers stirring up the relegation battle and the top three flexing their enormous, fi...

Rejoice, for the stars have aligned and brought us three managerial debuts for this weekend's edition of the Barclays! Dean Smith even cut short his espionage mission to New York. Marcus, Andy and Jim look into their respective matches before checking in with the other end of the table, as in-form Arsenal are the latest sacrificial lamb on the Anfield alter and Brother Brendy's been offended by so...

Kate, Jim and Pete are here with the answers to some of the game's biggest questions: is Zinedine Zidane warming to the prospect of Man United? Are Newcastle victims of a vicious Premier League cartel? How many miles will Dani Alves run in every Barcelona game he starts? We also revel in some truly obscene scenes from last night's FA Cup first round and hear of more financial struggles in the EFL,...

Roberto Martínez nearly pulled out some of those saucy moves in that electric Cardiff atmosphere last night, with Beefy Moore's equaliser enough to get Wales a seeded play-off spot.  We get into that, before Marcus and Luke console Lars Sivertsen after Norway's disciplined display bore no fruit against Louis van Gaal and the Deathstar. We also check in with the sorry situation at Derby County...

England's marching band stuck ten past San Marino in the final round of Now That's What I Call Competitive, meaning they can turn their attention to the dark cloud coming over the hill.  Kate, Luke and Pete give that a once-over, remind everyone that Scotland invented the passing game after their Danish delight and see Northern Ireland throw the cat among the piccione. We also delve into the...

Fresh off his latest round of Ibra Watch, Lars Sivertsen joins Jules and Andy at Ramble HQ for a blast through a hefty weekend of international football. Aleksandar Mitrović and co dented Portugal's World Cup hopes with some last gasp magic, while Harry Maguire drowned out the #haters at Wembley. We also wonder if Dean Smith can save Norwich, remind Scotland they're decent and bring some non-leagu...

We're here with a special bonus episode, plucked from the Ramble Patreon feed! Today, we’re bringing you an episode of The Teams of Our Lives, a weekly show where Marcus and Andy look back on what made their favourite teams history-makers. This week, it’s a no-brainer. Come on down Uncle Claudio, we’re living Leicester 2015/16 all over again. Dilly ding dilly dong. For more bonus content and ad-fr...

In the era of hyper professionalism, it's refreshing to see Radja Nainggolan determined to never play for Belgium again because he'd rather have a smoke. Ryan Fraser should've used that justification for dropping out of Scary Steve's Scotland squad. Marcus, Luke and Vish look ahead to some crucial qualifiers as Scotland inspire some confidence, Wales plant some seeds and Harry Kane looks to shake...

Imagine it: you're Matty Cash. You've just turned up to national team training for the first time - having learned the anthem on YouTube - to find Pep Guardiola scampering along the touchline. Rest up, Pep, honestly... Jules, Jim and Andy check in with two Liverpool legends as they change jobs, as Steven Gerrard takes over Aston Villa and sporting director Michael Edwards will end his incredible t...