Football Ramble

It’s business time. And up yours, England are still in the mix. Marcus, Luke and Jim are joined by Andy – fresh back from Germany – to preview the knockouts and discuss our favourites for the tournament now we know what (the incredibly unbalanced) draw looks like. Plus, Gareth Southgate is to blame for bad Guinness, Anthony Gordon flies over the handlebars of his bike rather than down the wing, an...

Goodbye to the group stages! And it finished with a magnificent day for Georgia, a terrible day for António Silva, and a reminder for Pete Donaldson that Cenk Tosun exists. Pete, Jim and Vish discuss the final round of group stage sparring before the knockouts, with a sensational display from Georgia who are rapidly becoming our favourite team. Plus, Czech Republic and Turkey ruin everyone’s Rambl...

Somehow, England have finished top of their group. And somehow, they’re in the best side of the draw. The plan worked! Marcus, Luke, Vish and Pete react to a drab 0-0 that saw no big changes from the previous game and leaves them thinking there are bigger problems with England’s front line. At least we can cling to Anthony Gordon and Cole Palmer. Oh, and we can still enjoy a nice glass of Budweise...

Italy left it very late to secure 2nd place in their group against Croatia last night. Today, Marcus, Jim, Pete and Vish are here to dissect the key talking point from the game: Was Luciano Spalletti wearing a jacket or a cardigan? Elsewhere, Pete upsets the Italians further by calling pizza cheese on toast. Plus, the Ramblers pay tribute to the amazing Luka Modrić and share their thoughts on what...

Jeezy peeps, man. Marcus, Vish and Luke are here to perform the Scottish post-mortem after they were knocked out in the same underwhelming fashion that reflected their whole tournament. At least they’ve still got the Nations League! Elsewhere, the Germans survive an almighty scare while Harry Kane and Mark Lawrenson battle the mainstream media - to vastly differing outcomes, we *must* stress. Foll...

England fans are being told that the players are struggling physically so they can’t play at the desired intensity. Did they watch 41-year-old Pepe play last night? Today, Marcus, Jim and Vish are here to wave a sad goodbye to 2pm kick-offs, they served us well! They also show concern that Belgium seem to have hit their straps. Plus, the lads are joined by Andy to question him on whether he ran on...

What happens when you put two English referees on one of the most exciting clashes of the group stages? A 0-0 draw. That’s what PGMOL do to ya. Marcus, Luke and Vish react to France drawing a blank against the Dutch, while Andy shares his experience of the atmosphere in the stadium but fails to pronounce buffet correctly. Plus, they discuss Austria’s slick team performance against Poland thanks to...

Need a comforting embrace from Marcus, Luke and Vish? Bring it in. Ignore all the nervous sweat. The lads discuss England’s messy draw with Denmark and figure out what needs to happen next as Trent Alexander-Arnold (probably) exits the midfield, Jude Bellingham goes full Alan Pardew, and the left wing remains completely empty.  Plus, we discuss our respective icks after Italy’s most handsome...

Scotland are still in it! Despite the Power Cube scoring AGAIN in a major tournament, the Scots rallied and the Ramblers still believe they can do it. But not on two points, Jim. Stop that. Marcus, Jim and Pete react to another afternoon barn burner, agree that England are definitely certainly absolutely better without Jamal Musiala, and figure out how to get rid of a bee hive from a stadium. Plus...

Turkey 3-1 Georgia. Otherwise known as: the perfect game of football. Today, Marcus, Luke and Vish are here to once again explain why you simply must watch every game at the Euros. Imagine missing that barn burner, eh? Elsewhere, Luke enjoys Cristiano Ronaldo’s transformation into an unfashionable No.9, which brings us back to the age-old question: is Ronaldo better than Niall Quinn? Plus, the Ram...

Day Five and we have our first big upset of the tournament! Andy and Vish react to that, while Pete is of course wondering how this new microphone-in-a-ball technology can be used for other purposes… We also design a new mask for Kylian Mbappé after he goes full Steve Bruce, the culinary wars continue on the streets of Germany – anyone fancy punching a Yorkshire pudding? – and Romania make Ukraine...

One word to describe England’s win over Serbia: eeeeeeeeaaazayyyyyyy! A few more words you could use: a conservative, cautionary reminder of England teams of old that might serve them well in games to come. Luke and Andy are on hand to reassure Marcus and Jim after England battled through against a physical, handy Serbian side. We talk Jude Bellingham, Trent Alexander-Arnold, and whether England a...

Italy have history of going all the way with an unfancied side, could they do it again? Today Pete, Jim and Andy are here to answer some of the big questions, including: How handsome is Riccardo Calafiori? And can you cook spaghetti in a kettle? Elsewhere, the Ramblers also have their say on some of the key debates that are already taking over the tournament: Which country has the best fashion? Wh...

Oh dear Scotland… and to think things started so well when a penis was seen before the tournament had even started. Today, Pete, Luke and Vish are here to sympathise with the Scottish fans, despite a pretty woeful performance of the players on the pitch. Positive Peter is still giving the Scots one more chance, however.  Elsewhere, the lads ponder how good Germany actually are and Luke and Vi...

The waiting is finally over everybody, the Euros are here!! Today, Marcus, Luke, Jim and Pete are here for a complete Euro 2024 preview. Positive Peter gets behind Scotland and backs them to get something against Germany while Marcus is extremely worried for England after reading Portugal’s squad list. Plus, news reaches the Ramble that Phil Foden visited a psychic. Please say she predicted a Fran...

With one day to go until Euro 2024, we round up this series of Lions Watch with some final thoughts on what success looks like for England - and how they can get there. Plus, we wonder whether this is Gareth Southgate’s last chance at glory and the Take Thermometer gets EVEN SPICIER. We're back on stage and tickets are out NOW! Join us at London Palladium on Friday September 20th 2024 for 'Footbal...

It’s happened. It’s actually happened. Everybody stay calm… Erik ten Hag will stay at Man United! Has anyone seen Marcus’ aunt? Today, Marcus, Luke, Jim and Pete are here to celebrate the returning manager before reaching the inevitable conclusion - he’s going to be used as a scapegoat, isn’t he? Elsewhere, there’s even more room for celebration as Tom Heaton joins up with the England sq...

England may have lost their final friendly before the Euros but don’t worry, Jude Bellingham’s back!! Today, Marcus, Jim, Andy and Vish take a moment to enjoy his perfectly timed arrival to the England squad. Elsewhere, Marcus shows Craig Gordon some sympathy after his final Scotland game didn’t quite go to plan. Plus, Vish declares that Brighton’s potential new manager is simply too young to take...

Anthony Gordon Bennett! England have lost their last friendly before Euro 2024. Don’t worry, Luke and Marcus are here to hold your hand and tell you it’s all going to be okay… How much can we read into this? What will Jack Grealish be thinking? The lads have the answer to all that and more! We're back on stage and tickets are out NOW! Join us at London Palladium on Friday...

The moment has arrived, Gareth Southgate has picked his 26-man squad for Euro 2024! Today, Pete, Vish and Jim are here with some advice for all England fans: When reading the squad list ignore the defence and go straight to the attack, baby. It’s coming home!!! Elsewhere, Pete fears for the safety of the Olympic Rings as Emi Martínez tries to force his way into Argentina’s squad for Paris 2024. Pl...

We’ve been getting so many questions about Gareth’s Gang and their inevitable march to Euros glory over the last few weeks - so let’s answer a load of them today! How do we avoid the ‘golden generation’ problem? What is Gareth Southgate’s plan B? How will we remember him after his tenure ends? And would we take a victory this summer in exchange for a decade of Tim Sherwood? We’ve got all the answe...

We’re in the midst of the summer perineum which can only mean two things, England gearing up for an international tournament and Alan Pardew being linked with a return to management. Today, Marcus, Luke, Andy and Jim are here to check in on England’s Euro 2024 preparations, which results in Andy comparing Conor Gallagher to David Beckham. Elsewhere, silly season has truly started as Steve Bruce an...

It’s a Lions Watch takeover on today’s Ramble Reacts, as Marcus and Luke discuss the opening act of England’s Hot Girl Summer. If ever you needed proof that this team mean business: they beat two sides in one go last night. Kapow, take that. The boys chat about whether the likes of Eberechi Eze and Jack Grealish will snag a seat on the plane and ask if that slight lack of spark or invention was ju...

Marcus, Luke and Vish pull the curtain down on the season, as the Baron Samedi of European football won their 15th Big One™. We celebrate some spectacular performances from the likes of Vinicius Jr and Lenny Kravitz, and wonder if Dortmund probably should’ve won it. Elsewhere, the Dutch FA have proposed a new footballing rule book and are looking to legalise it, Emperor Mourinho’s arrival in Turke...

Ahead of the Champions League’s impending changes, Marcus, Jim and Andy look back over some of their favourite moments from this era of the competition - from peak Jose Mourinho shithousing to some of the defining teams and managers synonymous with that magical anthem. Plus, we wonder which English players could benefit from a move abroad and we wrestle with a truly baffling hypothetical dilemma s...