Football Cliches

It’s the final outing of the winter for Cricket Cliches, the first branch line of the Cliches network, and there’s an end of term feeling as the full team assembles to see us home. We’ve got egregious commentary and a hierarchy of acceptable ways to get out before we get all ASMR and dig into some of your favourite sounds from cricket. And, of course… of course, there’s another dip into the murky,...

Shane Todd on post-save goalkeeper emotions & professional footballer-botherer Rio Ferdinand The pod welcomes comedian and presenter Shane Todd for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, as he chooses his six personal fascinations and irritations of football. Among Shane's selections are 5-a-side games with fellow comedians, performatively angry post-save goalkeepers, Rio Ferdinand's uncategor...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a minor technicality with Cup-upset measuring, the size of the chunk of Antoine Semenyo's fee he had paid back, Scott McTominay's many nicknames, an unacceptable phrase for a team bottom of the table, a four-way footballing dilemma you have absolutely never considered before and Arsenal flops' na...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Manchester United's legacy machine cranks into gear again, some confusion over the pronunication of Chelsea's new manager, a familiar sound in a mid-90s wrestling arcade game, unlikely common ground between River Plate and Coronation Street's Ken Barlow, a teacher breaks some football new...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: a whistle-stop tour of the media reaction to Chelsea and Manchester United's managerial upheaval, the Premier League finally unleashes its video archive, Eddie Howe queries the "onslaught" threshold, some quintessential West Hamming, some unprecedented co-commentary homework, hyperlocal derby technicali...

The fifth outing for the Cricket Cliches crew but are they now set? And what does that mean, anyway? The shadow batting debate intensifies as we enter the second innings; Tickers (and most of the audience) are on #TeamGallen and we’re all checking on our sanity with Internal Athers. There could only be one topic at the centre of our conversation; it’s the strip at the centre of the game. Was the p...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the freescoring Dominic Calvert-Lewin passes a very particular threshold, Match of the Day exceeds its goalkeeper pundit quota, Joe Cole somehow morphs into Harry Redknapp on the radio, Michael B Jordan renames AFC Bournemouth, absurd salary-cap developments in the USA... and a tree with Richard...

While England self-immolate, Cricket Cliches maintains its admittedly modest run of form in our fourth outing. Aussie commentators Aaron Finch and Adam Gilchrist are taken to task as they play fast and loose… with words. Picking up where we left off with the classification of lower-order runs, we think about the individuals doing the damage. Do you know which end of the bat to hold? Seems like the...

Every football pundit ever, condensed into one approximated voice; accidental nursery rhymes in Champions League commentary; last-gasp Cliches Quiz drama; red-card timekeeping technicalities; "Hawk on!", Niclas Fullkrug’s oddly awe-inspiring forehead; Richard Keys and a legendary two-hour livestream; a man called Rudi Voller; solving one of the greatest football TV mysteries of all time; Tom Cruis...

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations. Among the selections are players whose name-based chants sound like they're being booed, the layout of seven-goal thrillers on score apps, the flimsy logic of “but they still had 11 internationals ou...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the media wrestles with what to call the derby between Sunderland and Newcastle, bafflingly-transcribed football chants in match reports, whether both teams can have their "tails up" in quick succession, Harry Wilson and the "human after all" threshold, a football cliché uttered in UK parliament...

The Ashes are basically done and dusted after England’s pink ball capitulation. Time for the third session of Cricket Cliches, but is it a tricky little one? Stokes and Baz have been facing the media, maybe the toughest test of all. Is there anything they can say that will help? Don’t think so, champ. What we need is another way to bring a bit of levity to proceedings. No disingenuous protests her...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: England's March "send-off" to the World Cup, Clive Tyldesley commentary intonations in Sky Atlantic trailers, a brave radio reporter subverts the “turned provider” classic, some very unthreatening hooligans in a BBC radio drama and Richard Keys’s news in brief. Meanwhile, the panel ponder...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a review of the World Cup draw ceremony, forecasting the nation's TV viewing habits next summer, why Mohamed Salah chose the wrong time and place for his seismic outburst, a dubious recipent of the "bagsman" honour and Dion Dublin invents a new variation on the proverbial goalscoring diet. The in...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Richarlison’s claims to a niche world record, whether you can "grind out" a 5-4 win, the most "X years of age" age, the latest elite-level mannerism to trickle down to the grassroots, some 24-carat Andy Gray co-commentary gold and much more. Meanwhile, the panel ponder the likeliest circu...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: A commentator’s curse turns into a mini-saga with no winners, League Two stadium names in viral, overpriced New York delis, Saudi Pro league expert Lee Hendrie invents a new word, the best opposition for Mexico in the opening game at the World Cup, Ben Chilwell on 19th-century Alsatian architectu...

It’s the second test for the Cricket Cliches crew featuring our first change as cricket writer Charlie Reynolds steps in for Nick Miller. On the agenda today; Ashes misery, who deserves more sympathy? Holiday-makers Down Under forced to endure the vineyards of Western Australia, or those of us stuck at home with TNT Sports? England’s batters got plenty of stick for trying to drive “on the up”. Wha...

The 22nd edition of the Football Clichés Quiz sees Adam, Charlie and Dave take on Bobby, Joe and Eamo from three-time quiz visitors the Career We Go podcast. The questions include: Anguillan internationals, chronological conundrums, football men dubbed into foreign languages, the muddled club career of Craig Bellamy, Southampton players that never were, Name The New Signing By Their Unveiling Inte...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Charlie's Sunday Supplement debut, the soundtrack of a comeback from 2-0 down away from home, the definitive classification of Arsenal’s title chances, the unexpected verb of "goaled", Daniel Farke and the most boring inevitable sacking of all time, and Idris Elba's football knowledge is brutally...

This, is Cricket Cliches, the all-new, slightly strange cousin of your favourite football podcast hosted by commentator Daniel Norcross with cricket journalists Dan Gallan and Dave Tickner, and the soothingly familiar presence of FC regular Nick Miller. In our very first episode, on the eve of The Ashes, we dive headlong into the Bazball debate… why does it wind Australians up so much? And while w...

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations. Among the selections are a tiny loophole in pledging your lifelong allegiance to your club, referees waiting patiently to book an injured player, and whether football-specific injuries ever occurred...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare, David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: Ireland's preliminary World Cup heroics, Norway’s World Cup “grey horses”, Dion Dublin partially settles the “Diadora pass” mystery, law firm partners with superbly football surnames, Sean Dyche on his personal finances, unexpected false-nine nostalgia, the lesser-known technicalitie...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the coining of a superb phrase in Canada, Dua Lipa tests the football hipster threshold, Conor Bradley’s triple lock on Vinicius Junior, an early contender for semi-accidental footballing portmanteau of the season, how to (not) "pull up trees", the celebrity TV equivalent of inevitably si...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Clichés catchphrases in unexpected places, Steve McManaman's accidentally patronising co-commentary, football's earliest proverbial Christmas present, the converging trajectories of Big Dan Burn and Big Dan Ballard, tinpot scenes at the Under-17 World Cup, Tuchel's England get ahead of a classic...

We’d love your vote for Football Clichés as Podcast of the Year at the FSA Awards: ⁠https://vote.footballcliches.com/⁠ The pod welcomes comedian Vittorio Angelone for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, as he chooses his six personal fascinations and irritations of football. Among Vittorio's selections are a passionate defence of classical music's influence on football, a brief history of g...