Flusterclux With Lynn Lyons: For Parents Who Worry

 Anxiety is about “what if,” but with the reality of violence and war, we are now living with “what is.”  As parents, How do we process the ongoing news and graphic images of terror in our world? How do we help our children and where do we look for connection?  NEW! WE'RE MAKING PLAYLISTS OF OUR EPISODES TO HELP YOU FIND RESOURCES ON SPECIFIC TOPICS. Here is our first: Parents of Anxious Kids, Sta...

Robin is up to her eyeballs in the college application process, so we pulled in two great people to help her and you: a school counselor on the front lines, and Jill Shulman, college admissions coach, author and sane person who founded the Chill Parents’ Revolution. There is so much wisdom here for parents!  NEW! WE'RE MAKING PLAYLISTS OF OUR EPISODES TO HELP YOU FIND RESOURCES ON SPECIFIC TOPICS....

Knowing when you need professional help and when to let your child “grow out of it” is a tricky question…sometimes. In this episode, Lynn and Robin talk about when to allow some time and space (imaginary nephews) and when to take action (selective mutism.) NEW! WE'RE MAKING PLAYLISTS OF OUR EPISODES TO HELP YOU FIND RESOURCES ON SPECIFIC TOPICS. Here is our first: Parents of Anxious Kids, Start He...

Helping people recognize and shift their own patterns is a key component of Lynn’s approach to emotional management. But there are three patterns that can really add discord in our personal relationships. Do you resist the urge to blame? Can you own your stuff? Can you communicate your feelings well? In this episode, we unpack these patterns and offer some ideas to shift them. Edie Brickell! Here'...

In this two-part In Session episode, Lynn talks to Marie, a mom from New Zealand whose very imaginative and worried daughter has dramatic fears which can be frustrating for the whole family. Marie has done a great job talking to her daughter about her nighttime fears, but she needs some additional guidance about how to retrain that brain with consistency, humor and a bit of silly bribery.  Lynn gi...

Smart phones are here to stay. And so are the questions we parents have about social media, screen time, group chats…it’s overwhelming. In this episode, we speak with social media expert Devorah Heitner, author of the new book Growing Up in Public, to help us sort through the noise and guide our decisions.  Here is article referenced in this episode: My Family Tested 20 Kid-Safe Phones & Devices —...

Getting a worried child into school can be exhausting, but once there, we want them to stay! In this episode, we talk about keeping anxious kids in school, the need for a team approach that includes the school nurse, the danger of the “pick-up plan,” and how a consistent (and supportive) message lays the foundation for success. NEW! WE'RE MAKING PLAYLISTS OF OUR EPISODES TO HELP YOU FIND RESOURCES...

Teaching kids how to handle big emotions is an ongoing job for parents. But what happens when children become anxious about the possibility of feeling those emotions at all? Although it can be confusing for kids and parents, this pattern is not that unusual, and really no different from other fears that children develop. Prompted by a listener question, this episode addresses the fear of feeling f...

Our first-ever guest is Lynn’s pal and co-author Reid Wilson. Reid and Lynn met in 2007 and that meeting resulted in two books and a fast friendship. Join them as they talk anxiety, self-help, Reid’s brilliant OCD work and the tenth anniversary of their book, Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents.  NEW! WE'RE MAKING PLAYLISTS OF OUR EPISODES TO HELP YOU FIND RESOURCES ON SPECIFIC TOPICS. Here is our firs...

When smartphones first came on the scene, schools had rather strict policies about their presence and use. Over time, even though schools kept policies in place, most schools stopped enforcing them. The tide might be shifting again. With more than a decade of research and experience to review, what do we know about learning, attention, and even addiction when it comes to our kids, smartphones, lea...

As kids enter Middle School, their brains, bodies and relationships go through big changes. Parents tend to brace themselves for the roller coasters of this stage, but it’s also full of energy and discovery and fun. How can we better appreciate the Middle School years? How do we best step in with open eyes and big hearts at this time when they need our connection and support?  NEW! WE'RE MAKING PL...

It’s time for a brutally honest conversation about what moms are experiencing right now. Are we pathologizing the demands of our current parenting culture? If you are exhausted or disorganized or overwhelmed, is there something wrong with you? And what kind of help do you need?   NEW! WE'RE MAKING PLAYLISTS OF OUR EPISODES TO HELP YOU FIND RESOURCES ON SPECIFIC TOPICS. Here is our first: Parents...

When some children make mistakes or get overwhelmed, they jump quickly to self criticism and even self hate: “I’m terrible! I suck! You don’t love me!” What does this mean? Is it a red flag? And how should parents react? In this recast of a popular Season 4 episode, Lynn discusses the traps to avoid and the family skills to promote when this dramatic pattern takes hold.  Referenced in this episode...

Helping an anxious student requires a strong collaboration between families and schools, but so often meetings to create a plan become adversarial. In this re-cast of a previous episode, Lynn (who routinely attends such meetings) offers her key tips for how parents and schools can work together to support a child and teach the needed skills, minus the conflict and blaming. We also answer a questio...

Is your child heading off to college this fall? If it’s their first year, then the roommate uncertainty may be dominating your household. Sparked by a compelling listener question, we tackle the perks and the problems of roommates and what you can (and can’t) do to help.  NEW! WE'RE MAKING PLAYLISTS OF OUR EPISODES TO HELP YOU FIND RESOURCES ON SPECIFIC TOPICS. Here is our first: Parents of Anxiou...

In this recast of a popular earlier episode, Lynn breaks down one of her favorite instructions to parents: talk 85% less. When parents are worried, they tend to talk a lot. When they want something done and their child isn't doing it, they talk even more. Learn how asking the right questions and staying quiet can be one of the most helpful thing you can do for an anxious child or teen. We also ans...

When children are hesitant or afraid of something, they often avoid, refuse, or even explode. The good news? You can work with your child on your own using the principles of exposure therapy, role playing and front loading. Here’s your DIY plan for stepping in and developing more resilience.  BROWSE OUR PLAYLISTS BY TOPIC TO DIG DEEPER We're excited to launch topical playlists so that you can have...

Lynn will tell you that there’s no harder adult to work with in her practice than someone who reflexively blames. The ability to own your part, take responsibility for your “stuff” is key to relationships. In this episode we talk blaming: what’s normal developmentally, how it shows up with rigidity, and how to help break that pattern in your family.  NEW! WE'RE MAKING PLAYLISTS OF OUR EPISODES TO...

How do you feel about birthday parties? Is this just another place for parents to compete? Are they actually fun? One dad told us the whole industry needs an overhaul. We weigh in! REGISTER FOR THE ANXIETY AUDIT BOOK CLUB THIS SUMMER Join Lynn and Robin this summer in a book club for three! Read Lynn's latest book, The Anxiety Audit, and then watch our video discussion chapter by chapter. On July...

Being a “people pleaser” is often reinforced in our culture. Who doesn’t want to be seen as kind, unselfish, and giving? But this pattern has a dark side, resulting in resentment, avoidance, and exhaustion. In this episode, we talk about the traps of "people pleasing" and how to recognize this pattern in yourself and prevent it in your kids.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices....

Today, we are re-sharing a Season 3 episode we consider one of our most important: Dads, Depression and Anxiety. So often, moms assume the role of supporting both a family’s health and mental health, but dads have a critical role to play, too. What is that role? And how do you encourage your partner to step into that role? When a man is unsure of how to talk about emotions with his children, what...

What’s happens when kids don’t play independently, exploring and problem solving away from direct adult supervision? A new study looks at the the impact of decreasing opportunities for independent play and autonomy and the messages of danger that guide parenting. Combine this research with the announcement of Apple’s new feature called CheckIn, and we had some thought. Boy, did we have thoughts. R...

While some kids seem to be naturally socially adept, most need help with the many nuances of interaction, from empathy to assertiveness to patience. As always, modeling matters but sometimes being direct is the way to go. In this episode we dive into the sometimes murky waters of helping our children with social behavior.  REGISTER FOR THE ANXIETY AUDIT BOOK CLUB THIS SUMMER Join Lynn and Robin th...

Kids ask questions and parents provide information. That’s a normal part of growing and learning. But there’s a common anxiety pattern called reassurance seeking, where worriers ask and ask, seeking certainty and constant guarantees. Adults often participate, believing that offering reassurance is helpful. In this episode we discuss how to tell the difference between curiosity, helpful information...

In this Flusterclux In Session episode, Lynn talks with a mom whose six year-old daughter struggles with separation anxiety: going to bed for the night, attending swimming lessons, or even mom being on a separate floor in the house can trigger big reactions. Lynn offers concrete solutions, including how to best interact with her daughter’s teachers on this matter, as well as, the best path forward...