Finding Mr. Height: The Podcast

Esin Pinarli, a psychotherapist with 18 years of experience, joins Ali to talk about people-pleasing, attachment, and what she calls modern codependency. Esin breaks down the unspoken childhood contracts we sign without realizing it, and how codependency shows up today in high-achieving, self-sufficient women who would never picture themselves as the "lost yourself in a relationship" type....

Alex Wolf, the founder behind the original Boss Babe movement turned tech philosopher, joins Ali to explore what the attention economy is quietly doing to our ability to connect with each other, including romantically. The conversation covers why "just delete the app" misses the point entirely, why the speed of technology adoption is the real problem, and how dating apps have the same desi...

Ali answers five listener questions that all share a common thread: the gap between wanting something and being able to follow through. A first-time manager grappling with imposter syndrome, a single mom navigating kid disclosure on the apps, someone processing timeline anxiety after leaving a relationship, a dater hitting a wall with the performance exhaustion of first dates, and someone three we...

This week, Ali is joined by Sarah, a listener who reached out to share her journey with desire and intimacy. Sarah opens up about how her health anxiety quietly muted her desire for sex until she sought out a specialized sex therapist, and how that work helped her reframe arousal, communicate with her husband, and rebuild a sex life that works for both of them. They also touch on practical tools t...

TW: This episode contains a brief discussion of cancer and loss. If you want to skip it, the guest segment begins at approximately minute 13. Brooke Janousek, founder of Someone You Should Meet, joins Ali to make the case for letting the people who know you best do the talking. Brooke and Ali dig into why apps fail to capture who people actually are, the courage gap between professional and person...

You're being interviewed, but you're also doing the interviewing. Most people forget the second part. Ali shares two episodes from the Finding Mr. Height Patreon in this special re-air, covering the interview process from both sides of the table. Part one is a practical guide to vetting a company before you accept an offer: how to use Glassdoor beyond the surface level, what LinkedIn can t...

This week, Ali sits down with Sarah Vacchiano, author of Soft Launch, who got married at 21, divorced at 27, and moved to New York City to start over from scratch. Sarah shares what it felt like to leave a marriage that looked fine on the outside, how she navigated a world she’d skipped the entry points to, and what it took to finally build an identity that was genuinely hers. She remarried at 37,...

TW: This episode includes discussion of grief, miscarriage and emotional abuse. This week, Ali is joined by a listener who shares her story of leaving a marriage rooted in cultural pressure, low self-worth, and years of emotional abuse. The conversation covers the internal voice she ignored while engaged, the compounding grief that finally pushed her out the door, and what it's looked like to...

Ali and Skyline are celebrating two years together! Together from Italy, they go deep on what two years actually looks like, covering how they handle disagreements, how intentional they've been about the relationship and whether that was by design or just who they are, what they've each learned about themselves through the relationship, and what surprised them most about each other along t...

Danielle McGeough joins Ali to talk about what happens after you hit the goal you've been chasing your whole career and realize it doesn't feel the way you thought it would (and how this relates to dating!). Danielle, a professor and creator of the RISE Ritual Method, unpacks the difference between burnout and demoralization, why habits alone won't get you out of a hollow season, and h...

Jordanne Sculler, licensed therapist, joins Ali to talk about dating burnout from the inside out. Rather than pointing to apps or circumstances as the culprit, Jordanne breaks down the internal patterns that are really driving exhaustion in dating, including the productivity trap of treating dating like a to-do list, people-pleasing and self-abandonment, and what it actually looks like to break a...

Marriage coach Monica Tanner joins Ali to challenge the unwritten rulebook most of us absorbed about relationships without ever questioning it. Monica, the author of Bad Marriage Advice , breaks down why a lot of the advice well-meaning people pass down is not just unhelpful but actively working against us. The conversation covers why "never go to bed angry" is a recipe for sleep deprivati...

Amy Chan returns to the pod for an in-person recording with Ali, a conversation spurned from her own deep attachment work. The two chat about Amy’s new book Unsingle, where she leverages her personal experiences to help you identify your recurring patterns in relationships. The two get into why you keep choosing the same person in a different body (and how to actually change that), the mechanics o...

This week, Ali sits down with Julia, a listener who shares her experience discovering that vaginal sex just doesn't work for her body. She walks through how that shaped her early dating experiences, including a two-and-a-half year situationship, and what it was like to tell her current partner. They get into why penetration isn't the gold standard of sex, how societal expectations create f...

Relationship coach and author Meg Tuohey joins Ali to introduce her concept of the HeartPrint, the idea that each of us is as unique as our fingerprints in how we move through the world and relate to others. Meg breaks down why frameworks like attachment styles and love languages, while helpful, can only take us so far, and how real self-knowledge requires a deeper, more individualized kind of att...

Returning guest and Ali’s good friend Darcy is back on the pod, and they’re diving straight into the New York Times' crowdsourced list of 35 dating rules. Some of them? Genuinely solid. Some of them? Completely unhinged. And several of them directly contradict each other, which is so indicative of modern dating. Topics include how people treat servers, outsourcing your nervous system to a part...

Ali sits down with Ilana Dunn, host of Seeing Other People, for a conversation about the dating advice they both either ignored in the past or wish they’d taken sooner. They dig into the patterns that kept them stuck longer than necessary: from ignoring gut feelings and making excuses for bad behavior, to chasing potential over reality and performing chill they never actually felt. Listener submis...

We’ve got some amazing listener questions this week, and the thread running through all of them is a concept introduced in this week's Media Mention: high involvement, low attachment, inspired by a TikTok from @mother.of.a.dilemma. From there, she answers three listener questions: one from a man who freezes before sending a first message, one from a woman who only swipes right when she already...

TW: This episode includes discussion of grief, loss, and suicide. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out. You can call or text 988 to connect with the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline — they're available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and it's free and confidential. This week, Ali is joined by a listener who opens up about grieving the loss of a partner and navigating life (...

Matchmaker Jackie Dorman joins Ali to break down the latest season of Love Is Blind through the lens of someone who has helped over 1,600 people get engaged or married. They dig into why the pod format rewards anxious attachment, what emotional over-functioning really looks like on screen, and how to tell the difference between genuine chemistry and chaos. Plus, couple-by-couple predictions on who...

Dr. Paula Freedman-Diamond joins Ali to discuss people-pleasing and how it relates to control in dating and relationships. Paula, a therapist and author of Toxic Striving, breaks down how people-pleasing and rigid boundary-setting are two sides of the same coin: both are attempts to control outcomes and avoid uncomfortable feelings. The conversation explores how to identify when you're priorit...

Ali is back with another Hot Topics episode, starting with listener updates and reflections sparked by a recent listener storytime and a past Hot Topics question. She then dives into your submitted questions, covering losing interest once the chase ends, making sense of mixed signals when someone’s words and actions don’t align, receiving vague “executive presence” feedback at work, and navigating...

This week, Ali hosts Anna Lecat for a conversation that reframes conflict as a powerful tool for connection rather than something to avoid. Together, the two unpack why so many of us fear uncomfortable conversations (especially in dating) and how that fear can quietly sabotage intimacy. Throughout the episode, they’re exploring how to recognize meaningful early dating conflicts, communicate needs...

This week, Ali sits down with veteran matchmaker April Beyer (who has 25+ years in the industry!) to unpack why dating feels harder than ever and how to make it more human again. They talk about letting go of attachment to outcomes, loosening rigid “criteria,” and why going on more dates can actually lead to love faster than waiting for the perfect match. April breaks down her idea of “relatabilit...

Ali sits down with FMH listener Allison for a storytime episode all about building a relationship that works for you, even if it breaks societal norms. Allison shares what it was like feeling like a late bloomer as she navigated finding her now-partner in her late 30’s. From dating a divorced dad with two kids to navigating mismatched timelines around moving in, engagement, and merging lives, Alli...