Finding Forward in Grief

One of the worst feelings in life is to come up short after having put forth our best effort… It truly sucks. Some days I am left with only my silence—there is nothing left, it seems… Somehow, I still hold on to hope for a better, brighter tomorrow. I know it will come—eventually. I just gotta keep going… Please consider joining me at Patreon.com/WinterWarrior to access my newest publication, “KFG...

Thank you for tuning in to my podcast, and very real journey through grief. As always, I pray this content is helpful to at least some. If you would like to support my continued work, please consider joining me on Patreon.com/WinterWarrior for as little as $1 a month. I would appreciate it so very much, and you would be helping me pay for the costs involved with maintaining my website and also fut...

Life is fragile. Take nothing for granted… There is no “fix” for getting over the intense pain of childloss and grief—it just hurts. We move forward simultaneously with our broken hearts as we assimilate this pain into our path forward. It comes with us. Please consider supporting my work on Patreon.com/WinterWarrior Your support of $1/month will help me to improve my new publication.

As my snowboarding season comes to a sad end, I have taken careful consideration with regards to how I will approach this “transition period” leading into spring, then summer. I have found many parallels between life’s challenges and those I encounter while snowboarding. After spending countless hours this season analyzing extensively the process of completing one turn and initiating a successive...

I often feel a longing to just be able to “go home,” but I know God’s plan is much beyond my own vision—and far greater, too!!! When we endeavor to seek a higher purpose and reason to continue forward, our courage, strength, and even confidence multiplies. I can’t do it for me, but I find purpose in doing it for them!!!! Keep going. 🙏🏼 Read my blog, listen to my podcast, etc… https://linktr.ee/w...

What to do when our “eggs” don’t hatch? These are things we can consider well in advance of any crisis. It does not prevent pain, but it can, at the very least, provide a clear direction forward… Read my blog, listen to my podcast, etc… https://linktr.ee/winterwarrior.guru

For many mornings now, I have been watching this live nest cam (https://www.friendsofbigbearvalley.org/eagles/) religiously when I wake up every morning. These beautiful eagles have three eggs that are due to hatch very soon. Though there are numerous reasons that cause me to find comfort and joy in watching these majestic birds, today I will only speak on their patience and long-suffering that is...

Sometimes you just gotta “play the pause…” Do you ever feel like you are a chess piece in a game of monopoly or poker, and you don’t really know how to participate, because you have been designed for a different kind of game? Grief and loss have forced me to be a spectator in many ways, but they have also taught me the importance and beauty of “playing the pause.” What does playing the pause mean...

This week marked the 2nd anniversary of my beautiful Boi’s death, and the 7th of my sweet daughter, Josie. As I was recording this video, it kept stopping on me—hence why certain places seem to just cut off. However, towards the end of my drive, the hymn, “Be Still My Soul,” was playing on the radio. I don’t usually listen to the radio on my drive—this was kind of a random thing that I decided to...

“Do hard things,” they say…. “It’ll make you stronger,” they say. As I continue to press forward through each new day of my grief journey, I find this mindset of doing hard things to be very beneficial. When we step beyond what is comfortable and familiar, we grow. What is hard now, becomes easier tomorrow… Read my blog, listen to my podcast, etc… https://linktr.ee/winterwarrior.guru #childloss #d...

NOT QUITTING is a principle I am striving to live by—always. I do not want to be a quitter—EVER!!! In grief, I believe that by continually committing to keep growing and challenging ourselves to learn and do “hard things,” we can lighten the weight of our grief… It feels good to conquer what we thought we were incapable of doing. We learn that we are much stronger than we thought we were!!! Winnin...

In this episode, I discuss how I have felt God’s deep love for me in my darkest hours… His tender mercies are real, and the way He has shown me grace in this journey gives me a greater desire to be gracious with others… I am committed to “keep forward GROWING,”—even if the path is long and hard. For me, it is the only path homeward. I will keep going for as long as it takes. Merry Christmas, my fr...

Many people will shy away from the discomfort of hearing your story of utter brokenness-they will not know what to do with it, much less how to respond. The broken are often the strongest souls out there walking around, because their burden they frequently carry alone, and it is heavy. Real friends will not cower from the discomfort of your story, nor will they avoid your truth, but rather they wi...

It is our choice whether or not to continue—I do no not want to let them down. Every time I sit down to record a few thoughts and feelings on my current situation, they all seem to come spilling out in a torrent of pain and suffering. I cannot help what is at this time… I am trying very hard to continue, continue, and continue—for them… It is not easy. I am most definitely broken, but I will never...

An acquaintance recently made a very insensitive comment to me when I had forgotten a certain timeline of events in her life… I apologized for being forgetful and confused, to which she blurted out, “It seems you are always confused!” Well, this comment hurt very badly, because in child loss, we quite literally lose our focus on the things of this life—we simply do not care… Grief fog is real, tra...

More often than not in grief, I just want to “tuck in….” You know that feeling of wanting to snuggle into the safety of your covers at night—when it’s especially dark and cold outside?!!! Lately, I have been really struggling and feeling at odds with the world around me. Big sigh… Read my blog, listen to my podcast, etc… https://linktr.ee/winterwarrior.guru

Another season passes without them —another season of sorrow that they are not here… I continue to pray to God that He will help through one more winter. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 Read my blog, listen to my podcast, etc… https://linktr.ee/winterwarrior.guru

When “seven years” hits like a bullet to the chest… is about how my grief for my daughter, Josie, has been suppressed these past several years in the wake of my son, Julian’s, death. It finally caught up to me this past month. Read my blog, listen to my podcast, etc… https://linktr.ee/winterwarrior.guru

Documenting my grief journey has helped me find “answers from my own forgotten answers…”—especially when I find myself not knowing exactly how to proceed. It feels very unlucky at times to have to experience the loss of two children, but it ultimately has given me experience in how to “survive,” and eventually find purpose in continuing to live again. I hope you can find purpose, too… 🤍🙏🏼🤍 Rea...

Goals can save lives. I do not believe it was coincidence that my 19 year old daughter presented my diploma to me on the morning of the day she was killed… She helped me earn that piece of paper. I would not have achieved it without her. That particular morning—my last conversation with her—was all about, “what are you going to do now mom?!!!” I cling to those words, and the intimate discussion wi...

In this episode, “when your children are scattered,” I discuss the anxiety and unsettling feeling that constantly plagues me due to having my children “scattered” in different physical locations. It is an every day challenge for my heart to be at ease… What are some things you do to help calm your troubled soul? I’d love to hear. Read my blog, listen to my podcast, etc… https://linktr.ee/winterwar...

No matter how hard I try, the pain of missing my Josie and Julian never lessens… #thepainneverlessens. 😔 If we sit around waiting for the pain to lift—we may find ourselves sitting for a very long time!!! For me, I have found that I can continue forward in my life by embracing the pain as I go—their love tenderly carries and gaurds the broken pieces of my heart… Life is still beautiful, and I am...

Go Slow, because life goes fast. At the end of the day, you will never regret giving your attention to those who matter most… Read my blog, listen to my podcast, etc… https://linktr.ee/winterwarrior.guru

As we continue to talk about our loved ones who have “gone on,” we also nurture our continuing bond and relationship with them. Though different, the strength they now possess is even greater than it was before, and their capacity to love us is unhindered… Draw on their strength to help you #keepforwardgoing!!!! They WILL NOT let you down… 🤍 Read my blog, listen to my podcast, etc… https://linktr...

What do we do to balance out the weight of the world when our loved ones leave us? This is a recording of yesterday’s #KFGFridayLIVE on FB. I discuss ways I have discovered to help lighten the heaviness after our loved ones die, and comes crashing down in full force… Read my blog, listen to my podcast, etc… https://linktr.ee/winterwarrior.guru