Fill Me Up

Jessica and Nikki go deep on purpose: how to fill yourself up with God, service, and spiritual principles instead of "dicks, dollars and donuts." They unpack the one question that keeps you sober —  is it helpful?  — plus validation as its own addiction, protecting newcomers in the rooms, staying in the present moment, and turning your past pain into your greatest asset. In the second ha...

This week on Fill Me Up, Jessica and Nikki take on their favorite subject: men. Not man-bashing, not man-worship — just the truth as they've lived it, from years in recovery rooms to a past in exotic entertainment. They get into why so many men feel lost, the economy where one income no longer builds a life, and the manosphere — Andrew Tate, the 6am hustle, "emotions are for losers"...

What does it mean when a system designed to help people in crisis starts offering them a permanent exit instead? In this episode, Jessica and Nikki take on one of Canada's most contested policy debates — Medical Assistance in Dying (MAID) — through the lens of recovery, spirituality, and radical honesty. They aren't here to tell you what to think. They're here to have the conversation...

What's really happening when we get sober and immediately sprint into a relationship, a shopping habit, an obsession with our kids, or a new financial fixation? Jessica and Nikki get into it — raw, honest, and funny — in this episode of Fill Me Up. They break down the substitution cycle: the way addiction doesn't disappear when we put down our substance of choice, it just shapeshifts. Peop...

After three weeks away, Nikki comes home to grief — both family dogs have passed — and finds, even in that, the recovery principle she keeps returning to: nothing happens in this world by mistake. From there, she and Jessica get into the work that's actually changed their lives — that we're making decisions all day long, and the most powerful one is choosing to be kind, patient and of serv...

Can you go back to the same places, people, and patterns — and actually get better?  Jessica and Nikki break down one of recovery's most misunderstood ideas: the "immersion therapy" myth. They get real about what a genuine change in belief system looks like, why environment matters more than willpower, and how this applies to everyone — not just people in the rooms. They also dig int...

Two tomatoes for ten bucks, a $35 sandwich, and a guy at the gym who can't stop saying "you made it" — Nikki and Jessica start with the small talk that makes their skin crawl and end up somewhere much bigger. This week: the DM that went sideways, the funeral where "hi how are you?" came out on autopilot, the boss who got a one-hour fireside chat about how Nikki  actually  was, and the Starbucks ba...

What if the biggest obstacles in your recovery — or your life — weren't your past, your diagnosis, or your circumstances… but the stories you were handed as truth? In Episode 15, Jess and Nikki go deep on the lies that keep people stuck, sick, and small. They're not holding back. In this episode: "Your doctor always knows best"  — They challenge the blind trust most of us were ra...

We're calling it: people-pleasing isn't a personality trait. It's dishonesty. In this episode, Nikki and Jess take one of the most trending conversations on social media — people-pleasing — and flip it completely on its head. Forget the soft reframes. If you're suppressing your truth to avoid conflict, you're lying. And the person you're hurting most? You. They dig into why...

Are you actually healing — or are you just keeping yourself busy enough to avoid feeling it? In this episode, we get into spiritual bypassing: the sneaky ways we use crystals, shadow work, self-help books, Eat Pray Love trips, and endless "inner child" content to feel like we're doing the work — without ever actually sitting still long enough to let it happen. We talk about toxic ove...

What if the pain you keep feeling… isn’t happening to you — but being replayed by you? In this episode of  Soul School , we break down what resentment really is, why so many people stay stuck in the same emotional loops, and how spiritual growth actually happens in real life — not just in theory. We talk about: Why “resentment” isn’t just anger — it’s re-feeling old pain How holding things in keep...

You can put the bottle down and still be living in chaos. In this episode, we get into the reality of  untreated alcoholism  — what it looks like when the substance is gone, but the thinking, resentment, control, projection, dishonesty, and emotional volatility are still running the show. We talk about the difference between being physically sober and actually recovering, why some people stay stuc...

If you had been offered a medically assisted death at your lowest point — would you have taken it? We would have. Without hesitation. In this episode of Soul School, Jessica and Nikki get brutally honest about their darkest moments — the kind of pain that makes you want to permanently exit a temporary situation. We talk about what MAID actually is, how Canada became one of the leading countries in...

What if your addiction isn’t just to substances — but to the  story , the  phone , the  chaos , or the  need to be chosen ? In this episode, we dive into the psychology and spirituality behind obsession. We talk about: phone addiction and Pavlov-style conditioning obsession with people texting back addiction to chaos and emotional narratives why nothing in life is permanent practicing what we alre...

How honest are we really with ourselves and others? In this episode of  Soul School , we dive into a real and raw conversation about  gossip, accountability, radical honesty, and spiritual growth . Friendships, relationships, and personal growth can get messy. Sometimes we say things we shouldn't. Sometimes we gossip. Sometimes we hurt people with our words without even realizing it. But what...

In this conversation, the hosts explore one of the most overlooked parts of recovery and personal growth: Who you give your time and energy to. They discuss how many people spend years people-pleasing, tolerating low-energy relationships, and saying yes to things that drain them. The episode dives into: • the importance of protecting your time • how energy and environment influence your mindset •...

In this deep and honest conversation, Anthony and his guests explore how addiction doesn’t always disappear — it often  changes form . After substances are removed, new obsessions can appear: body dysmorphia, validation seeking, relationships, surgery addiction, food, or self-image. The episode dives into how  self-obsession blocks spiritual growth  and why many people in recovery struggle with ne...

What if the way you think, react, love, and suffer isn’t actually  you  — but the result of conditioning you never chose? In this episode of  Soul School , we explore  spiritual reprogramming , soul awareness, and how unconscious conditioning shapes our thoughts, behaviors, relationships, and sense of self. We talk about: How family, culture, media, religion, and fear program the soul Why old prog...

Welcome to  Soul School , a podcast about surviving  Earth School  while reclaiming your soul in a world that feels increasingly disconnected, chaotic, and overwhelming. In this first episode, Nikki and Jessica share why they earned a seat on this couch — not through credentials or titles, but through lived experience, addiction, recovery, spiritual bankruptcy, and deep inner transformation. This...