Factory Sealed Video Game Podcasts

The Half-Life of this twaddle of a show may have come and gone, but that isn't gonna stop us! We polish off our finest crowbar, fight off the giant testicle aliens of the original Half Life, and talk about Mike and Dan's early copies of Final Fantasy VII Remake.

We've reached our monumental 200th episode! Let's celebrate by recapping Tom's bachelor party, playing some Super Mario World, and listening to your amazing messages.

Unwisely once again, Dan and Mike let Eric loose talking about Mega Man Zero... at great length. There's plenty of time to splurge everywhere over the Final Fantasy VII Remake Demo at length beforehand though!

Grab your vibrating kneecaps as we pit Penis Thrust Man, Lady Butt Cheeks, and Mini-Me against hordes of enemies in an attempt to decide which of the first three Golden Axe games is superior.

Near, far, wherever you are, close the top half of your door, cozy up in your meat sweats, and gaze far across the distance into the Sonic movie you've seen every night in your Dreams before dozing off to Revenge of Shinobi, which feels like it was made to last for a lifetime.

Pop an Alka Seltzer and join us for some context-sensitive fun through Conker’s Bad Fur Day; an adventure that incorporates giant operatic shit mountains, sadistic teddy bears, Liverpudlian dung beetles and a short, cat-hating grim reaper. No, we didn’t make that up.

It's the return of the fabled two man show with Eric and Dan as they try to lay the groundations for a fantastic year and rearrangel all of the facts to understand .Hack//Infection.

2019 started with a bang and just kept going full tilt the whole way through. This left us to mull over the truly staggering number of games we played this year and whittle them down to our top 10; resulting in some rather unique lists.

Fresh off a single day of training, Leon Kennedy shows off his expertise at fighting Gonads in Resident Evil 4; armed with a collection of weaponry bought with potatoes.

The crisis of dinosaurs continues in Dino Crisis 2, stopping over for a delivery in Death Stranding first, more lamenting over Stadia, and a bit of time for a good old laugh at Elon Musk’s low-res truck thingy.

Join ManBat on a quest to thwart the evil machinations of Squarecrow (and Eric has something to admit) in Batman Arkham Asylum, dump a truck load of manure on Stadia, gush all over Death Stranding, and discuss how Pokemon can be bastards in Pokemon Sword and Shield.

Mime jokes and pot roast wheels chart the course for a trip through Super Mario Galaxy with a side of Luigi’s Mansion 3, Death Stranding, and a straddle contest winner.

Grab onto your Gamecube handle and get in shape with some (Coin) Ring Fit Adventure, press your cremated remains into your favorite game, and force your way through Luigi’s Mansion.

Hold on to your sanity! The whole crew is back to tackle Eternal Darkness: Sanity’s Requiem various creams, more Link’s Awakening, and Dan finally snaps at Eric’s collectathon nonsense.

Climb aboard Moosecopter 1 for a scenic tour of the rising Canadian lake levels, Link’s Awakening Remastered, a weird Nintendo circle, and some genuinely dark themes in Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Ring of Fates.

Horror abounds as we navigate the terrifying woods of the Blair Witch, discover the true nature of pantyhose, and venture into The Mark of Kri without the safety of our nostalgia-coated, rose-tinted glasses.

Oi, wanker, you’re going the wrong way! There is a sign – a sign that we are playing everyone’s favorite cockney car crashing, heavy breathing game, The Getaway.

Which is worse: Being straddled by a nine foot tall gentlemen with an 80 syllable name on your annual pilgrimage to MoCon? Or playing Zelda II?

Grab your bottle of Savior Soak, give old blinky a check, and clean out your lug holes! We’re back to polish off the rest of Kingdom Hearts with our brand new recording equipment.

Don’t be alarmed, this is just a test of our ability to play an RPG over the summer! Join us aboard our poorly constructed gummi ships to revisit Kingdom Hearts in the first of two episodes and be treated to random singing and more terrible Zelda puns than you can ask for.

You were promised a return of Factory Sealed, and we delivered! Join us to discuss the highs and lows of E3, our fears of an all-streaming future, and whether a bloke says D or T in Fable.

Don’t worry, we aren’t dead! We just put ‘er in P for a little bit. But we’ll be back on June 16th! (If your recording says May 16th, that’s an error.)

Grab your soldering iron and your light saber for a trip through the terrible teeth of Sonic the Hedgehog Movie into the loving arms of cable-free VR with the Oculus Quest, before stopping off at Star Wars the Force Unleashed.

Wal-Mart bathroom enthusiast Zack Fawley joins us to talk about video game preservation, the future of gaming, and some PlayStation 5 speculation before we sit back and listen to him rhapsodize about Castlevania: Symphony of the Night.

We get behind the cockpit (literally) of Jehuty in Zone of the Enders, die a lot in Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice, stop off for some Outlaw Tennis in hell and figure out whether there may, or may not, be Endors.