Everybody Hates Rand: A Wheel of Time Podcast

Discussion points for ch. 51-52 include: Kidnapping Slam Dunk, Rand's Incel Vibes and his "Big Mommy Milkers" (thanks, TikTok), the Virgin Age, Snickers Commercial Lan, and the ongoing need for a Warder Therapy Hotline. Transcript

In chapters 49 and 50, the Salidar embassy uses Big Gandalf Magic, Rand forces everyone to Evacuate Caemlyn, Hashtag Bully Lives Matter, Aes Sedai use the Bloody Mary Rule, and our printer is a Romanceable NPC. Enjoy!  Transcript

For ch. 47-48, we talk about Playing Coma, Ebou Dar's fairy tale qualities (and, on that note, Mat's new movie, Untangled), how the Whitecloaks Should All Be Played by the Same Guy, and how spotting Carridin is like seeing Ted Cruz. Transcript

For ch. 45-46, we review the Sex and the City franchise (bad), talk about Aram's Bloodthirsty Stage, demand that Robert Jordan elaborate on the Kissing Rituals, and discuss CSI: Saldaea and Slap Tuesday. Transcript

This episode is ostensibly about ch. 43-44, but at one point Sally lists every Disney Channel Original Movie that she can remember. Also discussed: Skateboarding Pervert, the Complexity of Women, Emily's Dickensian Upbringing, and Sexy Rat. Lindsay Ellis Video.  Sexy Rat. Transcript

In chapters 41-42, Min spends a whole chapter acting like a 10th grader, Rand doesn't understand why The Farm sounds so ominous, and Mazrim Taim is humiliated when his mortal enemy puts some Girl Scout badges on him. Bonus topic: Deprogramming the Asha'man. Transcript

Chs. 38-40 teach us some valuable lessons about women's agency and some not-so-valuable lessons about how all women are liars and idiots. Thanks, RJ. Other talking points: Mat's Dump Was Charisma, Egg's Dozen, and Totally Benign Knife-Sharpening. Transcript

As the tax man cometh, so do ch. 36-37. We discuss the classist implications of the Perfect Servant Trope, Egwene's Zero-to-Sixty Leadership Competence versus Rand's Parabola of Competence to Insanity, and we ask once again: Why doesn't Elayne just GO to Andor? Transcript

So these ones are bad. Chapters 34-35 are just real stinkers. We'll talk about why -- hint: the rampant transphobia and misogyny -- but luckily we'll also talk about some Jesus Lore and cap the episode with every horse name we can remember.  CW: discussions of transphobia, Aran'gar   Transcript

There's a lot going on in ch. 31-33. We visit the Questioner Cathedral, explain why you Can't Drown a Mermaid, learn the Secret to the Female Orgasm (it's a car crash), sell Mat an On-Fire Iron Flute, and Explore the Inherent Eroticism of Gazing at One's Sword. You're welcome? Transcript

Unsurprisingly, ch. 29-30, set in Salidar, absolutely suck. We discuss Freud's Wet Dream (Thom and Elayne), Nynaeve Being a gOoD LiTtLe wOmAn, Equal Opportunity Sluts, and we demand to know: Where Are the Vineyards? TW: Aran'gar Transcript

In our coverage of ch. 28, we remind Rand and his Goldfish Brain about Diplomacy (Get Some). We also commission a Lews Therin Motivational Poster and remind you: Don't Be Anthony. CW: This episode discusses the sexual assault that happens in this chapter.   Transcript

Who or what is Pope Shark, and what does it have to do with Wheel of Time? Well, nothing. But for ch. 26-27, we also talk about Bashere's Tik Tok Account, Rand's Analysis Paralysis, Spotting Mormons in the Wild, and Magic Goosebumps (Tingling Saidar Senses). Transcript

Have you ever wondered if there's any WoT content on Pornhub? Don't worry, Sally will look it up. Talking points for ch. 24-25 include: Aiel Copycat Murderers, Eggy Phantom,  Gawyn's Traveling Frat House, and Charming White Man (Derogatory). Transcript

During ch. 22-23, Emily has no idea what's going on (as usual). But seriously, where's all this going? Where's the pay-off to this set-up? We need Poirot Cauthon on the case. At least we have Olver's rock resume to keep us going. Transcript

Hi, everyone! This isn't a full-length episode, and the info covered here can also be found on our Instagram. This is mostly meant for anyone who might be listening after the release date and doesn't want to scroll through social media to get the deets. Thanks for being cool! Transcript  

In ch. 17-18, we're asking hard questions, like: What if Berelain was a mentor to Egg? What if Rand used creative problem-solving? Where does Juilin put the thieves he catches? And which fruit WAS it, actually, in the Garden of Eden? Transcript

Welcome to 2021! We think Halwin Norry should be Queen of Andor. Other controversial topics from ch. 15-16 include Pillows of Fiber, Gawyn's Sim Sex Dreams, Egg-ucation, and how Salidar is just Plot Purgatory. Transcript

Our entire podcast might be one big foible, but at least we're not Aes Sedai dropouts. For ch. 13-14, we discuss Kool-Aid Man Tarna Feir, Nynaeve's Foreshadowing Bucket, and everything wrong with Gawyn's Toxic Dream Fantasy (it's a lot). Transcript

This episode (ch. 11-12) is short only because we had to delete our Top Five Sexiest Anime Men discussion. Uncut are our talks about Brandy on the Binky, Mazrim Taim's Second Location, CSI: Caemlyn, the Boys-Throwing-Rocks Instinct, and Theodrin, Queen of Staying in Her Lane. Transcript

This episode, covering ch. 9-10, includes some of our hottest takes: Idris Elba should be in a "Hatchet" movie. Unlike Pedron Niall, at least Rand has a to-do list. Everyone is bad at Minecraft. And Bashere is a master of emotional curb-stomping. Transcript

Oh, Lord of Chaos, asking the big questions, like, "Is torture still bad even when the people getting tortured are annoying?" Yes, actually! For ch. 7-8, we discuss Fantasy Ambien, Demandred's Evil Laugh, Editorial Conflict of Interest, and Salidar Video Game Glitching. Transcript

Ch. 5-6 are good and bad. Bad because of the Human Circus, the Short Bastard Man, and the Whitest Woman to Ever White. Good because of the Dark One's Candy Mountain and Mat's OT4. Are themes just for eighth graders and wimps? You be the judge. Transcript

For chapters 3-4, we talk about Cricket Player Douchebaggery, Weaponizing Toxic Masculinity (and Toxic Femininity!), Mazrim Taim's School for Deranged War Criminals, and how Famine Has Control of Boston. Now with better audio quality! Transcript

We're getting sued by Shrek for our coverage of chapters 1 and 2. Discussion points include: Bashere's Erotic Energy, Tybalt the Fartful Dodger, Mazrim Taim Slip 'n' Slide, and a War Crimes-Shaped Cookie Cutter. Uh, sorry? Transcript