Everybody Hates Rand: A Wheel of Time Podcast

In ch. 1–3, Rand enters his Wellness Influencer era. We also talk about getting Bubbled of Eviled, Perrin's Pointless Crossroads (a recurring theme), Torture Junior's Throuple, and Double Shielding. Transcript

Welcome to Towers of Midnight! Don't worry, Emily references the Da Vinci Code for the second week in a row. We talk about the cover and prologue, including how Mat Has Never Held a Bag Before, Lan Rhymes with "Man," There's Warging Now??, and Toilet Spoon. Transcript

We finish The Gathering Storm by talking about Rand stumbling his way through enlightenment. We discuss how Everyone Is Happy Under Fascism, the Most Fridged Woman Ever (Ilyena), Privileged Enlightenment, and how you should just Watch the Da Vinci Code. Transcript

Here's how Callandor can still win. For ch. 47–48, we talk about Guarding Empty Rooms and Empty Tables, Verbally Hugging, Self-Contained Enlightenment, and the dream scenario in which Mat Is Empress. Transcript

In ch. 45–46, Egg consolidates power in the White Tower, and we talk about the important things: Monsieur Michelin, the Bloodest Reddest Gown, Only Boobs Allowed, the White Cavern, and our Patented Easiest Way to Get Babes. Transcript

The tagline for ch. 43–44 should be: Pwease, No Bombs. We also talk about Gawyn's Imagined Chivalric Romance, Sittergate, Hurin's Cameo Appearance, Rand's Box Obsession, and Tam's Two (2) Parenting Failures. Transcript  

What if the young pope was younger? For ch. 41–42, we ask this vital question and discuss these topics: Charlz and Chubain OTP, Gawyn Winning the Partnership, Dubcon Romance Tropes, and the Return of the King. Transcript

With ch. 39–40, we talk about Verin's "galactic"-level slay (or is it?), the most compelling Warder (Tomas), Egwene's virgin procession, and Siuan and Gareth's terminal heterosexuality. Plus, what if Elayne was a secret Darkfriend? Transcript

For ch. 37–38, we, ahem, define crimes against humanity. We also talk about Sammael's Cube Con 2000, EnlightenmentGate, how Needing Therapy Doesn't Make Up for the Atrocities, and Rand's Legal Abyss. Transcript

For ch. 35–36, we talk about (really): Appropriate Wonka Sociopathy, Gender Reveal Magic, how Icarus Got Stabbed by Padan Fain, Bad Dramatic Irony, and Losing Trickster Points.  Transcript  

Really, you won't. For ch. 32–34, we talk about Improving Nynaeve, Making Excuses for Rand, Consequence-Free Tyranny, Redemption Arcs, and Star Wars Spoilers. Transcript

You shouldn't trust the ho's in ch. 29–30, which is ... every woman. We talk about Our Bestie, Colonialism; Rand's Dead Fish Eyes; Titty Redistribution; Not-Chili's; and the Nuclear Fanny Pack, and we Send in the Clowns. Transcript

Okay, okay, it's actually ch. 27–28 of the Gathering Storm. We talk about Busty Beauties, the Romantic Poets, Repeat Plots, Wescuing Women, and the various Flavors of Misogynist Humor. Transcript

In ch. 24–26, Gawyn is here to teach these betas a lesson about MANHOOD. Too bad Gareth Bryne won't spank him. We also talk about the Shape of Bubbles, Vegan Aes Sedai, and Chivalric Knights, and ask: Where Is All the Multicultural Curiosity? Transcript

Ch. 22–23 are all about Rand's feelings, because men's feelings are WAY more important than women's. We talk about how He Needs to Be Harder, Daddy; Egregious Deus Ex Machina, the Scientific Method, and give a Shoutout to Martha.  Transcript

Well, well, if it isn't the infamous "women are like goats" speech. For ch. 20–21, we'll talk about goat pride; the difference between tricksters, fools, and comic relief; and the world's weirdest to-do list. Transcript

For ch. 17–19, we talk about the Plot Twist of the Century, how Siuan Is an Army Wife, the Cult Besties, Gambit from X-Men's Appearance, Court Jester Mat, and the Pariah Parade. Transcript

There's an unbelievable amount of stupidity in ch. 15–16, and it's not just us mispronouncing Moridin's real name. We also talk about Balefire Life Hacks, Katerine's Evil Laugh, and Laras's Underground Railroad. Transcript

In our discussion of ch. 12–14, we talk about the (Nonexistent) Peer-Reviewed Forkroot Study, Seeing the Blueprint, Gawyn's Purity Ring, how Cadsuane Has the Nuclear Launch Codes, and Elaida Unshived. Transcript

For ch. 9–11, we talk about Grady's One-Punch Kill, Matching Form and Content, Enjoying the Mat Pedestal While We Still Can, Tylee's Motorola Razor, Ituralde's Character Assassination, and Brian?? Transcript  

Pedron Niall is left on read, obviously. For ch. 6–8, we ask: Why So Insular? and discuss Lanfear's Best Disguise, Two Short Kings, Beloved Point of View Characters, and the Introverted Route. Transcript

For ch. 3–5, we talk about Eating Tums Like Candy, White Man Names, this brand new thing (Character Arcs), the Final Evolution of Girlboss, Brandon Sanderson's Blorbo, and a potential Asha'man PR Campaign. Transcript

In chapters 1–2, we take a close look at the Brobert Janderson style and talk about Increased Mediation, the Perfect Wifey, Two Ways to Get a Doctorate, and how Women Be Crying. Transcript

Welcome to the dawn of Brando Sando! After reading this blissfully short prologue, we discuss Aviendha's Six Pounds of Mascara, Rand's Jeans, the Seanchan Political Spectrum, a Trolloc Reminder, and Zaddy Ituralde. Transcript

We finish our coverage of Knife of Dreams with discussion of '07 Throwbacks, how Gremlin Vibes Are Sexy, Fainting Goats, Embodied Empire, Red Flag City, and Narrative Delaying Tactics. On to the Era of Branderson! Transcript