Everybody Hates Rand: A Wheel of Time Podcast

Who's Bulen? Who cares? For ch. 9–10, we talk about Helvetica Lord of the Rings, the Epic Highs and Lows of Warfare, Citing Scripture ("Artemis Fowl"), Captain Planet Narishma, Lan's End, Basement Time with Androl, and French Mime War Profiteering. Transcript

Ch. 7–8 take us into the next stage of this book: prolonged warfare. We talk about Rebel With Claws, UN Meeting Bouncer, a Damocles' Sword but Positive, the Bond of Brotherhood, the Horn of Valere Heist, and our Upcoming Bones Podcast.  Transcript

Ch. 5–6 take us to the fantasy U.N. summit, and it could only be more Jordan-ish if there were nude women for no reason. We talk about Official Court Spankings, the Aiel as Cops, Rand's Unrealistic Goals, Egg Throwing Shoes, and the Literal Four Horsemen. Transcript

Chapters 3–4 are here! We talk about Sports Polyamory (the ideal polyamory), "Frankenskank," Characters' Wild Priorities, Rand and Moridin Touching "Balefire," Checking Off Romance Boxes, and Women's Piss Mazes.  Transcript

We're off to a pretty slow start with ch. 1–2. We get more of Rand's Weird Era, not to mention his Deadbeat Dad Era (the cat's in the cradle ...), plus the Arousal/Anger Constant, Black Tower Propaganda, Androl Is Bella Swan, and a whole lot of Genre Confusion. Transcript

We read the prologue (yes, the entire prologue) of AMoL and talk about pacing and heroism, plus Sally's Psychic Powers, Rand's Tibetan Sky Burial, New Sword Move: Piss Your Pants, the Sequel to "The Village," and the Myrddraal Breakroom. Transcript

We finish up ToM with celebrations of Gawyn's Puka Shell Necklace, Pevara's Hut, the Tower of Ghenjei Locksmith, Graendal's Turbo Hell, and Olver's Mail Fraud, while condemning how ultimately pointless Moiraine's "death" was.

Welcome to the Tower of Ghenjei! Is that David Bowie? For ch. 53–55, we talk about the Need to Be Told "No," Gay Old Dens, Helm's Deep Recruitment, the Finn Serving You-Know-What, Dune Box Mist, and Melodramatic Screaming.  Transcript

For ch. 50–52, we talk about Elayne's Bobby Fischer Political Move, her Pet Frenchmen, Libel/Slander Against Lews Therin, the Little Sun Tzu in Emily's Brain, Uber Driver Perrin, and B. Sanderson's Inversion of Terry Pratchett's "Boots Theory."  

You know, like balefire, from their eyeballs? Like laser vision? Anyway. For ch. 48–49 we discuss how Everything is the Aiel's Fault, Rand's Mega Sperm, Asmodean Moiraine, and the Cowboy Lightbringers. Transcript

Ch. 45–47 are great for representation: representation of insufferable politicians (Elayne), men who wear unnecessary disguises (Galad), "cool" nerds (Androl), men who hate the club (Perrin), and people who should just be murdered (Mazrim Taim, Tuon). Transcript

Who wants to bet on whether this title ends up censored? For ch. 42–44, we talk about Feelings Impermanence, Marriage Bumpers, Prince Loser, the New Kardashians, and Failed Nostalgia. Transcript

Despite the title, ch. 39–41 are action-packed (though sadly there is no battlefield kissing). Discussion includes: We Need More Explosions, Getting Right with God, IKEA Pack-It-Up Forges, Galad's Deprogramming, and Who Is Nakomi Plaza? Transcript

RIP to a (arguably the only) real one. For ch. 36–38, we talk about how Perrin Is a Mary Sue; we accompany Egg to a Work Meeting; someone floats on the ceiling Mary Winchester-Style; and we discuss the fantasy Ethics of Killing. Transcript  

This isn't the trial of the century, the year, or even the minute, but it's a trial. For ch. 34–35, we talk about Dannil the Danimal, Mr. Integrity, "Bad Apple" Byar, the False Good/Evil Dichotomy, and ask: Where Are the Lawyers?

Discussion topics for ch. 31–33 include: Chekhov's Abyss, Final Girl Ituralde, Respawning Trollocs, the Dragon Reborn's Walk with Christ, Our Favorite Monarch, and Gawyn and Elayne's Folgers Commercial (you know the one).    Transcript

Welcome to 2024! For ch. 28–30, we're talking about Big Boy Vitamins, how Telepathy Is the Obvious Answer, Rhyming Perrin, Letting Galad Be a Side Character, and the Most Bizarre Scene of All Time. Also, are Grady and Neald, like, SO hot now? Transcript

Ch. 25–27 are disappointing to say the least. First, Rand faces no consequences for his crimes, but don't worry; according to Min, he's done nothing wrong. Then Perrin has the same epiphany for the 98th time. Berelain's boobs corrupt Galad. And the Hall of the Tower, as usual, is swooning. Transcript

You want to know about ch. 22–24, you say? Well, they're all about Sally's Exploding Bones, Good Old Chub, Chance Boy Himself, Weird Uncle Mat, and Hysteria in Tel'aran'rhiod. Also: What About the Sheep? Transcript

There's a lot to discuss in ch. 20–21, including Vagina Mirrors, Ethics Boards, the Slippery Slope of Magic Nukes, how Single Women Are an Invasive Species, and, hey, Whoa, Balwer Isn't Just a Secretary? Transcript

"Some of you may die, but that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make." Ch. 17–19 get us talking about Code Brando, Berelain Said Boobily, Something That Is Nothing, OUR Amyrlin Seat, and Brandon Sanderson's straight guy heroism. Transcript

For ch. 14–16, we talk about Three Girlbosses and their Psychological Warfare, Flat Characters, Black Tower Volleyball, the Horror Story that is Rand's Brain, Forsaken Trading Cards, and Anything for Hubby. Transcript

Ch. 11–13 are short, but we find a way to work in all the following discussion topics: Magicians, how Elayne's Pregnancy Was Written by Men, Rand's Jesus Robe, Appropriate Public vs. Private Behavior, Darkfriend Vision, and Min's Birdbrain. Transcript

For ch. 7–10, we talk about Lan's Minion, Buford; Neald's Queer-Coded Joie de Vivre; and Grady's Denied Time Off Request; and we bid farewell to a real one, Lopin. Also, welcome to Sedona, Arizona. Transcript

For ch. 4–6, we have problems with fictional men, including Gawyn's Incel Behavior and reboot of CSI: Tar Valon; Galad's KKK Era; and Perrin's Leadership Hypocrisy. We also have problems with the real men doing construction outside our house: apologies for the noise! Transcript