Estradiol Illusions

Pride is upon us! It's a pretty shitty time to be a trans person in America. Ian muddles through a deconstruction of the idea of optimism, trying her best to piece together something resembling a life in this chaotic timeline.

Ian returns with a foolish story of how she used to rate suitor's prospects by whether they stayed to watch Mister Rogers' Neighborhood with her in bed the morning after. There's not much point to the episode besides this story that's already been spoiled. She thinks listening to the whole story would be a waste of time and didn't want you to suffer.    Ian's article on Mister Rogers that was refe...

Estradiol Illusions celebrates its fourth anniversary... a month late. Ian takes a look at trans life nearly a decade in, from the mistakes of her youth to the current heavily anti-trans climate here in the US. She's not really sure why this show has grown in popularity, but she's grateful to have you here. 

ITM spends some time with one of her least favorite subjects, her own gender. Not quite feeling like a woman these days, Ian doesn't really know what that means. Her gender is probably just tired, or hormonal, or hungry. Maybe all three. 

Our holiday coverage concludes with a merger of our pop culture and personal programming. A Charlie Brown Christmas is one of the most perfect holiday specials in existence, but it'll also occupy an odd place in Ian's life. Ian talks about how she watched this special mere minutes before a four-year relationship ended, days before Christmas. Ian really didn't like the idea of such a good special b...

Continuing our Rankin/Bass holiday coverage with what might be their most normal special of them all. Despite its unwieldy title, The First Christmas actually tells a relatively cohesive story, albeit a fairly mundane narrative about a young shepherd who regains his sight through the magic of a Nativity play. Oddly secular given its church setting, The First Christmas is a good case study for how...

Have you ever watched Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and wondered if all the bullying might be better with a firmer helping of Jesus? That's basically Nestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey, a shorter ripoff of Rudolph with a truncated plot and fewer compelling characters. One of the more forgettable entries into the Rankin/Bass canon, Ian struggles to understand the point of this mess. Be sure to...

We are back in the Rankin/Bass cinematic universe with a special that’s mostly Christmas adjacent. Jack Frost mostly identifies, for whatever reason, as a Groundhog Day special. Despite its incredibly annoying narrator, Jack Frost stands out as one of the most cohesive holiday specials in the Rankin/Bass canon, a tragic narrative that shines above its abundant filler. Maybe Ian just really likes J...

We are back in the Rankin/Bass cinematic universe for another December full of overanalyzing bizarre children's television. Santa Claus is Comin' to Town is a fairly straightforward (at least by Rankin/Bass standards) origin story, albeit one that spends a bit too much time explaining every single facet of Claus lore. Ian looks at the special's legacy against some of its popular contemporaries and...

We're back with an episode on a controversial relationship practice that ITM happens to love. The Irish Goodbye of dating gets a bad rap, but life is not a journey that always requires closure. People come and go in each other's lives all the time, not necessarily for reasons that take things like fault or rejection into the equation. As shitty as ghosting can feel, the alternatives are often far...

Grab your gamma radiation and your law degree, we're doing a whole episode on She-Hulk: Attorney at Law. Ian dives into what she referred to as the MCU's best TV series, examining the mash-up of Ally McBeal with Marvel's established formula. Ian also examines the state of the broader MCU TV affairs, a territory we haven't revisited on EI since WandaVision. The incels may have hated it, but what do...

Another election season is upon us. The Senate hangs in the balance, a 50/50 split that will come down to just a few states. Republicans have put forth morally bankrupt morons such as Herschel Walker and Dr. Crudité Oz for their candidates, threatening to further sully the already rancid cesspool that is our government. Biden isn't a perfect president and the Democrats have left a lot to be desire...

On the eve of Big Brother 24, we are absolutely delighted to welcome Kevin Jacobs, winner of Big Brother Canada 10, to the show. Kevin played a subtlety dominant in the BBCAN house, shaping the trajectory of the game without ever besting a Head of Household competition, becoming the first winner to pull of that feat since the iconic Dr. Will Kirby back in BB2. Kevin shares his extensive knowledge...

Another vagina-themed episode! ITM talks about the current state of her downstairs equipment since her service on the Tinder front lines. Things on the home front are looking in tip top shape, validating her semi-problematic assertion that the best gender affirmation comes through others, coming into you. She may not be the woman America wants, but ITM is committed to being the champion our countr...

It's Pride Month, which comes with the obligatory discourse on kink at Pride (absolutely, which we covered in last year's episode on Bloodsisters), cops at Pride (absolutely not, ACAB for life), and the concept known as "bi-erasure." As a person who uses gay, straight, and bi all interchangeably, ITM has some unique perspectives on this tedious discourse. A staunch opponent of gatekeeping, she que...

ITM continues her dating & sexuality commentary with an episode on The Gauntlet, her rubric for deciding whether to go out with a potential suitor. Often deemed a person with unattainable standards, ITM feels it's all pretty basic stuff like not being a creep, overly sexual, or assuming that a simple swipe to the right is all you need for a ticket to ride.  Here is a picture of the show notes, if...

ITM loves Tinder, a dream come true for a liberated transsexual as the dawn of hot girl summer lies ahead. Tinder is full of beautiful people of many genders, but it's also a place where boring fuckboys come for their pound of flesh. Ian unpacks the most tedious opening of them all, the "how are you" maneuver farted into the void to deflect the burden of courtship. Casual relationships need not be...

We are delighted to welcome Jay Northcott to discuss their time in the Big Brother Canada house. Jay is a nonbinary theatre director and drag performer based in Toronto, who made quite the impression ahead of their week two eviction, setting the stage for the epic week three house flip that shook up the entire game. Jay shares so many fascinating insights into the gameplay, as well as the unique c...

We're back at Downton for an episode on the new film Downton Abbey: A New Era. Ian was unfortunately not a big fan of the movie, with its excessive subplots and bizarre adventure to the south of France, though she did enjoy the plot set at Downton and the newcomers. Ian does her best to untangle the messy web of the film, providing analysis for how it fell short of the first feature.   Ian's revie...

An episode all about Ian's jumbled-up bisexuality, colloquially known as the leg hair spectrum (masculine of Ian's not too feminine center). Ian talks about what bisexuality means to her, how no one else can define your own sexuality, and how it's perfectly okay to "pick sides" in the sexuality equation. Ian just mostly wishes she wasn't 90% heterosexual, but who would really choose to be attracte...

An episode all about dating apps! ITM shares her experiences as a single trans woman, navigating the complex webs of cis men, polyamory, T4T, and all the other fun stuff Los Angeles has to offer. Whatever you're looking for, it's important to make sure you're holding yourself, and your potential romantic partners, to standards that fulfill your needs.

We are absolutely delighted to welcome Kyle Moore to the show. Kyle's Head of Household reign in week three of Big Brother Canada 10 will go down as one of the most exciting in BB history, a botched backdoor attempt on Josh Nash that resulted in an epic house flip. Kyle found himself evicted by key ally Steven "Gino" Giannopolous in a similar backdoor effort the following week. Kyle talks about hi...

We are delighted to welcome Lila Schmitz to talk about her new documentary The Job of Songs, a delightful film centered on the music scene in Doolin, Ireland. Ian & Lila talk about the power of music in communities, mental health, travel culture, open communication, and so much more! Lots of laughter as ITM shakes off the interview rust.  The Job of Songs premiered at DOC NYC 2021 and will be havi...

The day has finally arrived. ITM the bisexual is learning more and more that she's probably more like ITM the heterosexual. Yuck. Boys are gross, and most of them tend not to want to date trans women named Ian Thomas. Again, yuck, but here we are. Ian does her best to unpack the mess that is her dating life, being confronted with the realities of modern romance and the ways her identity comes into...

Grab your porgs and your blue milk! The Last Jedi is a bit of a polarizing film, to say the least. Rian Johnson brought plenty of fascinating ideas to the sequel trilogy's middle entry, its best by a mile. Ian talks about what she liked about the film, what she would have changed, and the characterization of Luke Skywalker, diving a bit into Luke's appearances in The Mandalorian and The Book of Bo...