Benedict Polizzi

Espresso

Comedy EN ↓ 263 episodes

Stand Up Comedian Benedict Polizzi gives listeners horrendous advice

Author

Benedict Polizzi

Category

Comedy

Latest episode

Oct 15, 2026

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Episodes

THINGS YOU MISSED OUT ON | Espresso Pod 441 15.10.2026

Anyone else remember 50 Cent climbing 3 stories of rusty scaffolding on MTV Spring Break with a  G-Unit chain on or did i make that up in my head?? We talk about the REAL reasons you ended ur situationship 😭 was it bc she spelled the word Texas wrong? Maybe. To make it make even less sense we hear a wild story about senior slideshow Polaroids in the high school cafeteria HUHHH? luh u fam cya sund...

KFC Mashed Potatoes (what do you want rubbed on your back?) | Espresso Pod 439 01.10.2026

Pouring a venty cup of pumpkin cold foam on your back while a Mitsubishi Eclipse runs over your shoulder blades is actually exactly what I need right now. wHaT dO yOu wAnT mE tO dO tO yOu Put Texas Roadhouse cinnamon butter on my traps and hit me in the back with a tube sock full of marbles. Stop acting like sitting on a warm cookie wouldn't be the best feeling in the gd world. Love you fam 🫦 see...

Starter Jacket... Instant BFF's | How'd You Meet Your Best Friend? | Espresso Pod 437 21.09.2026

How did you actually meet your best friend? If they weren't wearing a starter jacket or you didn't absolutely hate them you're not actual friends babe 👯 ------------------------------------------------- Send this to your homies to support the pod! https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi ☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/ 💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX...

The Teacher With A Pet Flea In A Locket (Weird Substitute Teachers) 03.09.2026

You haven't truly had an eating disorder until you eat ten bunless Big Macs with a knife and fork 😙  Today we remember why high school kids are the most ruthless people on earth and why putting Pepto-Bismol in your math teacher's coffee is rat tail kid activity. Don't act like you wouldn't sign up for a government-funded week of going back to high school at age 35 just so you can cater lunch from...

College QB I kissed at A Party Freshman Year ily? (Missed Connections) 20.08.2026

Today we go through the ones who got away 💔 it can be the blonde girl who wanted you on your business trip or literally when the timberwolves passed on steph curry 😭 is it the time you missed the Schwan's Ice cream truck outside? Or when the college QB kissed you at a party freshman year and never saw his sexy ahhh again?  If you fumbled your first kiss bc your homies kept calling you about your...

5 grilled cheeses every day from Menards (What'd u get caught stealing?)| Espresso Pod 431 06.08.2026

If u don't shave your best friend's leg with your bare foot while sleeping next to them are you even friends? What if I told you I stole 72 egg whites out of a Whole Foods soup container and got cornered by self-checkout security lady? We break down how to run an illicit grocery twist-tie bead ring syndicate at a summer daycare and hold back the urge from buying  a black-market Barney VHS all whil...

Green Ketchup Meatloaf (Best Meal Your Mom Made You) 23.07.2026

The Fam put on a CLINIC with voice msgs this week 🫡  I'm still trying to decide if eating green ketchup meatloaf makes you a complete lunatic or a straight up visionary. BTW THIS IS A PRO PEAS PODCAST🫛 IF YOU DON'T LIKE PEAS GTFO. Quick question you tryna dig holes in an empty lot sometime?  Luh U💕 ------------------------------------------------- Send this to your homies to support the pod! ht...

Swae Lee's Baby Pigs (Wildest thing You've Seen at Someones House?) 09.07.2026

Brb gotta hotbox a house from the underground railroad taaahaaa 😮‍💨 On this ep we learn Swae Lee has baby pigs and eating macaroni off of Tupperware lids at your weird friend's house builds character. Btw if you don't fake wash your hands in the bathroom and pretend to like ur divorced dad's fat-free tortilla chips and beans this isn't the pod for you bbygrl 💋 P.S. Kiss me everyday ------------...

Tyrese Haliburton's Achilles (Heartbreak) 25.06.2026

No we don’t get emotional when the Chainsmokers plays in our AirPods at the gym?? This weeks Q Q Q Question of the week: What’s ur REAL heartbreak? When u called off ur wedding? or when Tyrese Haliburton tore his Achilles? ehem💔 tahaaaaa  ------------------------------------------------- Send this to your homies to support the pod! https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi  ☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://...

Faking A Miscarriage (Things u never told ur ex) 11.06.2026

You ever eat 3 dry Taco Bell cantina bowls on the side of the road with your hazard lights on? U ever lock eyes with ur gf's fully naked 73 year old dad on all fours? Me neither 👀 We try to figure out why German chocolate cake looks like baby throw up and how using Grand Theft Auto cheat codes are the only way to satisfy your girl. Oh hey we know you pee in public locker room showers just admit i...

Olive Garden Bread Bowls (Inventions) Espresso Pod 421 28.05.2026

Killing thousands of mad guests on Rollercoaster Tycoon and installing a functioning toilet directly into your car passenger seat? Sounds like a spress pod to me babe. We’re ending our lives over Olive Garden refusing to make garlic bread bowls and why can’t we pull up to an AMC theater to watch the super bowl? One sec i’m scheduling a robot to walk my dog at 1:30pm🦮 -----------------------------...

Seth Rogen is a bad actor (Done Pretending) | Espresso Pod 419 14.05.2026

Air hockeying nuts into a kid's mouth at the lunch table and screaming at your coworker's dog is just what happens when you finally stop pretending. We realize putting Pop-Tarts in the freezer is a crime against humanity and throwing down a five dollar bill for Little Caesars pizza is the ultimate flex. Stop acting like you don’t sneak 8 leftover donuts from your car after a first date and blast d...

answering the phone as a sex shop employee (What's Your Bit?) 30.04.2026

Taking football snaps underneath the lowest object possible and telling customer service reps u love them is how you commit to the bit. Stop acting like you don't spam Monster Mash seventeen times on tuchtunes at the bar while secretly pretending to be a sex shop employee on phone calls with your boys. ------------------------------------------------- Send this to your homies to support the pod! h...

Locked In On Caitlin Clark (Hear Me Out) 16.04.2026

Eating ground turkey birthday dog food and sucking the ink out of a gold gel pen is exactly what happens when you get completely faded on a Tuesday. We are losing our minds over why having a baby with Caitlin Clark is strictly a business decision and how sleeping in a water bed is the ultimate flex. P.S. I'm tired of acting like circus peanuts don't absolutely slap😘  -----------------------------...

thing ur ex did that u liked? 02.04.2026

Send this to your homies to support the pod! https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi  ☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/ 💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX 🧢 "𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗗"𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟱𝟬% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/

what's ur last meal? 19.03.2026

Planning out your last meal on Earth gets completely cooked when you realize crumbling a Kraft single over a sloppy joe is the ultimate flex. We are crashing out over girls complaining about tomato texture while drinking boba tea and why taking a girl in heels to Benihana is a massive fumble. Stop acting like you didn't drink cold Chef Boyardee ravioli straight from the can in your childhood garag...

what had the biggest come up? 05.03.2026

Send this to your homies to support the pod! https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi  ☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/ 💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX 🧢 "𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗗"𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟱𝟬% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/

what are u asking at the gates of heaven? 20.02.2026

Send this to your homies to support the pod! https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi  ☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/ 💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX 🧢 "𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗗"𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟱𝟬% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/

what's the show you miss? 05.02.2026

Send this to your homies to support the pod! https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi  ☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/ 💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX 🧢 "𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗗"𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟱𝟬% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/

wtf were u even doing in 2016 22.01.2026

Send this to your homies to support the pod! https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi  ☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/ 💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX 🧢 "𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗗"𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟱𝟬% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/

ask me sum 08.01.2026

Send this to your homies to support the pod! https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi  ☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/ 💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX 🧢 "𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗗"𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟱𝟬% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/

what do you REALLY want for xmas? 24.12.2025

Send this to your homies to support the pod! https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi ☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/ 🎟️ 𝗕𝗘𝗡𝗡𝗬'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦 https://bennypolizzi.com/ 💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX 🧢 "BALD" 𝗙𝗢𝗥 50% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/

something u used to own that u want back 11.12.2025

Send this to your homies to support the pod! https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi ☕️FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/ 🎟️ 𝗕𝗘𝗡𝗡𝗬'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦 https://bennypolizzi.com/ Phoenix, AZ - Dec 12-13 Chicago, IL - Dec 22 (THESE GUYS! Live pod!) 💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX 🧢 "BALD" 𝗙𝗢𝗥 50% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/

your hardest hometown flex 27.11.2025

Send this to your homies to support the pod! https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi ☕️ FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/ 🎟️ 𝗕𝗘𝗡𝗡𝗬'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦 https://benedictpolizzi.com/shows/ Sacramento, CA - Dec 4 Phoenix, AZ - Dec 12-13 💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX 🧢 "𝗙𝗕𝗢𝗬" 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝟮𝟱% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/

what's your craziest 💩 story? 13.11.2025

Send this to your homies to support the pod! https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi ☕️ FOLLOW ON IG https://www.instagram.com/espressobenny/ 🎟️ 𝗕𝗘𝗡𝗡𝗬'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦 https://benedictpolizzi.com/shows/ Sacramento, CA - Dec 4 Phoenix, AZ - Dec 12-13 💕 WATCH BENNY on FBOY & FGIRL ISLAND on HBO MAX 🧢 "𝗙𝗕𝗢𝗬" 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝟮𝟱% 𝗢𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/

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