Episodes Archives - Shades of Strong

When it comes to holiday support for Black women, it often looks like doing everything for everyone else — with little space to be supported yourself. In this short but powerful Support Snippet, Shirl offers a tender nudge to come back to yourself. To stop waiting until everything’s done to take a breath. And to remember that being supported isn’t something you have to earn. If you’ve been running...

Rest isn’t something we earn — it’s something we deserve. In this episode of Shades of Strong , I’m joined by writer and self-care coach Tara Pringle Jefferson , author of Bloom How You Must: A Black Woman’s Guide to Self-Care and Generational Healing , for a deeply nourishing conversation on reclaiming rest and wellness as a Black woman . Together, we unpack what it looks like to release the pres...

We talk a lot about what it means to be a good friend. But what happens when the support we’re giving doesn’t match what the other person actually needs? In this episode of Shades of Strong , I’m joined by best friends Alyson Brown and Mia Brinson for a heartfelt, unfiltered conversation about support in Black female friendships . From the challenges of being the “strong one” in your circle to the...

At 56 years old, I’m walking into a Black woman’s dream I’ve carried for decades — sitting in New York, preparing to speak with agents and an editor from one of the Big Five publishing houses… about my book. This moment didn’t come fast, but it came faithfully. And in this short, heartfelt episode, I’m reflecting on what it means to finally say yes to the calling — after years of wrestling, resist...

We say it all the time — check on your strong friend — but do we really know what that means? In this Support Snippet, Shirl goes deeper than the surface-level reminder and speaks directly to what it looks like when strong Black women go quiet . When the one who always holds everyone else down suddenly pulls back. When the “I’m fine” doesn’t really mean fine anymore. If you’re the strong one, or y...

Are you tired of being the strong one? The one everyone depends on but rarely checks in with? That’s what we’re getting into today… ewhat happens after you finally lay that weight down — when you stop over-functioning, stop fixing, stop pretending you’re okay… and the phone stops ringing. What happens when you finally stop? When you set the boundary? When you pause the all...

Sometimes the support we need doesn’t come with a loud arrival or a clear answer. Sometimes, it shows up in the in-between. The pause. The waiting. The quiet moments where nothing feels certain — but you’re still held. In today’s reflection, we explore what support can look like when you don’t have the words yet. When things feel unclear. When you’re sitting in the fog, trying not to force clarity...

You’ve put down strong . You’ve tried the self-care Sundays, the soft life rituals, the silence and the scented candles. But somehow, you still feel like you’re holding it all by yourself. In this episode of Shades of Strong, Shirl unpacks why self-care and softness — while nourishing — were never meant to replace real support . She breaks down the difference between comfort and being held, and sh...

This week on Shades of Strong, we’re going all the way in. I’m sitting down with Dr. Cecily Moore for a raw, layered conversation about what it really costs to carry the “strong Black woman” narrative — and what it actually takes to start living well, for real. Dr. Cecily brings her lived experience, research, and wisdom to the table as we talk about the exhaustion, the generational weight,...

So earlier this week I talked about what it feels like when you don’t have anybody to reach for. But what about when folks are around — and you still feel alone? That’s a whole different kind of grief. This episode is about that space. The space where people love you, but they don’t really see you. Where the help is supposed to be there… but somehow, you’re still carrying it all. If you’ve ever lo...

What does receiving support as a Black woman look like when there’s no one to call, no one to reach for, and no one checking in on you? In this episode, we’re getting real about what it means to be your own support system when you’re literally all you’ve got. Not because you’re too proud to ask. Not because people keep letting you down. But because the support just isn’t there. I share my pe...

The world is a lot right now. Some weeks feel heavier than others, and this has been one of those weeks. I wasn’t about to just move like nothing was happening, so I came to the mic to sit with it for a minute. So let’s pause, take a deep breath, and remind ourselves what it feels like to held.  Resources to Support You: Schedule a 1:1 Support Session Get the Guide: “You Know Your Supp...

Have you ever rewritten the same text five times just to make sure it didn’t sound too harsh? Ever softened your “no” so it wouldn’t feel like rejection? Ever held back your truth to avoid being called “too much”? Yeah… me too. In this episode, I’m naming the emotional labor Black women carry just to be seen as “easy.” I’m talking about the constant back-bending, the tiptoeing, the fear of being l...

What do you do when you need to fall apart… but there’s no one there to hold you? This Support Snippet is me sitting with that exact question — and remembering what emotional care looked like back when I didn’t have to ask for it I’m reflecting on what emotional care looked like before life got complicated — and what it means to create that kind of care for yourself now. I’m taking you back to pea...

For so many Black women, emotional safety started in the kitchen. The smell of Blue Magic, the sizzle of a straightening comb, the sound of “Hold your ear” — those weren’t just routines. They were rituals. In that chair by the stove, we found connection, care, and permission to let our guards down. Those moments — ordinary as they seemed — were often the first time emotional safety showed up for u...

When we talk about loyalty, most of us think about relationships, family, or friendships. But there’s another kind of loyalty we don’t talk about enough — our loyalty to struggle. As Black women, we’ve been taught that struggle is part of who we are. That staying in relationships, jobs, or communities that drain us somehow proves our strength. That choosing ease means we’re abandoning our people,...

We love to romanticize Ruth and Boaz like it’s the ultimate love story — but what if it’s really a story about being supported… for once? In this first episode back after my summer break, I’m digging into the part church never talked about: the quiet power of being chosen without earning it, being cared for without proving you deserve it, and receiving without struggle. This episode isn’t ab...

Let’s talk about protecting your peace — and whether that’s really what you’re doing… or if you’re just getting your lick back in silence. In this minisode, I’m breaking down the Room to Breathe Support Language™ — the kind of support that shows up as space, quiet, and the ability to step away without guilt. But I’m also naming the moments when we call it “protecting our peace,” and it’s really a...

I’m just gonna say it — I get annoyed when I see Black women using the phrase “women of color” when I know they mean Black women. In this episode, I’m talking about why that bothers me, where I think it comes from, and what it’s actually costing us to keep softening, shrinking, or diluting our language — especially in spaces that are supposed to be built for us. I share a recent moment that made m...

They told us love was supposed to be everything. That if somebody loves you, that’s all you need. But how many times have you felt loved… and still felt completely alone? In this episode, I’m talking about that gap — the one between what people say and what they actually do. Because the truth is, love is not enough when it doesn’t come with support. And I get it. It’s hard to admit that out loud....

Inspired by the new Netflix series Forever , this Mother’s Day episode is a soft but honest conversation about what happens when fear leads the way in parenting. When love is present, but support… isn’t. This isn’t a recap. This is a reflection. Because a lot of us were raised on protection that looked like pressure. On expectations that felt like love, but left little room to breathe. And n...

Today we’re talking about support yourself during the hard seasons—and what it looks like when you have to be your own safe place. Some seasons are heavy. Some days, getting out of bed feels like a miracle. Some days, breathing through the next hour is the biggest victory you’ll claim. In this episode, I’m sharing what support looks like when you’re in the thick of a thing — when there’s no map, n...

Today we’re talking about receiving support as a Black woman—and why it still feels hard, even when it’s soft and real. What happens when someone shows up for you with tenderness and care… and your first instinct is to flinch? What do you do when support is being offered—but your body doesn’t know how to let it in? This episode started with a comment from my daughter… And what should’ve felt...

Some days the weight is real, and you’re too tired to carry it, explain it, or make it sound better than it is. For the days when the tears come outta nowhere and your body says, “we can’t keep doing this”… This is a quiet reminder that you don’t owe anyone a breakdown of why you need rest. You don’t have to clean up your exhaustion or justify your pause. You get to be tired. You get to slow...

Let’s talk about emotional exhaustion as a Black woman—and what it really means to be held. What if being held didn’t require you to fall apart first? What if it was something you could reach for before you hit the breaking point? This episode was recorded at five o’clock in the morning… no mic, no script, no prep—just me, a heavy heart, and a whole lot of truth. Because sometimes the softest, mos...