Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

In the Empowered Relationship Podcast episode 110:  How To Manage Two Majorly Conflicting Needs In Relationship,  I talked about we often get caught in the belief that being in relationship requires us to give over of ourselves in an attempt to seek relationship harmony. Yet, when we do this, we can lose touch with ourselves, our passion, and our desires. David Schnarch in  Passionate Marriage  ta...

Do you aim to please your partner or do you aim to express yourself authentically? Do you give your partner what he/she wants immediately or do you advocate for your desires? With a sensitive topic, do you avoid stating what is real for you because you fear upsetting your partner? These questions address the continual challenge of negotiating our need for individuality (personal needs, desires, dr...

In last week's podcast episode, titled  "What Most Couples Do That Creates Problems,"  I talked about how couples tend to try and resolve their concerns through their partner. In a  short video by Dr. John Gottman  (renowned relationship expert and researcher), he talks about this dynamic. In Gottman's language, he separates couples from his research into two major groups: the "masters" and the "d...

We look to solve our concerns through our partner. We spend our time trying to get our partner to see what THEY are doing wrong and get them to see our perspective. We think, "If I can just point it out to them in a way they can hear it…" "Or if I can give them a good enough example and illustrate my point, they will understand." We think if they understand, they will see the error of their ways a...

GUEST STAN TATKIN: Dr. Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a couple therapist known for his pioneering work in helping partners form happy, secure, and long-lasting relationships. His method—called PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy®)—draws on principles of neuroscience and teaches partners to become what he terms "secure-functioning." Together with his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, PhD, Dr...

Recently, a listener posed a question about how to handle attractions towards people outside their relationship. It is normal and healthy to be attracted to people, even to people outside your marriage or long-term relationship. It is what you do with the feelings of attraction that determines if the attraction is going to become constructive or destructive. When we try to hide, conceal, and deny...

What is limerence? Most people see limerence as infatuation, lovesickness or romantic love, while others think of it more as a love obsession or addiction. Limerence is the "I need you, want you, can't live without you" feeling. Limerence ...

LISTENER'S QUESTION: "If you heard the story of my 18 year relationship, even you might be surprised Over the last couple of years we really tested the boundaries of us being together Now we are better , stronger , more intimate and communicative than ever before We both proclaim most every day how happy we are that we each stood for the relationship when the other faltered The harshest part we we...

LISTENER'S COMMENT: "I've been listening to your podcasts for the past few weeks and I'd like to say thank you for the insight and information. Unfortunately it's too late to help in my current marriage, but it is very insightful. Coming from a family with parents that didn't show love to one another I never learned how to express it in a productive way. My wife recently filed for divorce and it h...

In this episode, you will hear me share a personal story of dealing with continual roadblocks. I also offer 4 tips on how to deal with the experience of things not working out as planned. (Please listen to the podcast episode or  read the transcript  to hear more explanations, stories and examples.) HOW TO DEAL WITH THINGS NOT WORKING OUT 1.  Understand that experiencing  hardship is a normal  par...

Jeff is a Reichian/Somatic Psychotherapist in Boulder, Colorado who works with men, women, couples, Men's groups, and members of the LGBTQ community in an emotion-focused, body-centered way. His work centers on relationship—both with self and other—and the ways that unacknowledged trauma can inform how we are in relationship. He also works in the realms of soul & shadow, while using awareness prac...

WHAT DOES A SUCCESSFUL, THRIVING, PASSIONATE RELATIONSHIP LOOK LIKE? In this episode, I share with you a little about my personal story and what led me to studying this topic. I also share with you three of the nine themes that came out of my dissertation research. (Please listen to the podcast episode or  read the transcript  to hear more explanations, stories and examples.) 3 BUILDING BLOCKS FOR...

GUEST MICHAELA BOEHM Michaela Boehm teaches and counsels internationally as an expert in intimacy and sexuality. She combines her background in psychology and extensive clinical experience with her in-depth training in the yogic arts as a classical Kashmiri Tantric lineage holder into a unique offering of experiential learning. She is passionate about teaching skills that enhance deep intimacy, la...

THE CHALLENGE WITH WEDDING VOWS: Wedding vows are beautiful expressions of love. When we go to a wedding, we want to hear about the couple's love for one another. We are moved by the deeply sentimental proclamations. We are inspired by the power of love, demonstrated through a reading, scripture, poem, original vows or some combination. However, vows are often aspirational and very hard to follow....

WHAT IS THE STORY YOU TELL YOURSELF? The story you tell yourself is so important, and most likely you are reinforcing the story over and over again. It is said that 90% of our thoughts are repetitive and 70% of these thoughts are negative. What does that mean for your story? Our story shapes our identity, who we are and what we experience. If you listened to  last week's podcast episode , we looke...

Make sure you check out Part One  ERP 095: How Your Beliefs Can Destroy Your Relationship , if you missed it. In this episode, you will learn why we can go from anticipating the best about our partners and relationship to anticipating the worst (as a form of protection). When we are triggered, we are more likely to react and jump to conclusions. Therefore, it is important to slow down. so that we...

In podcast episode 94, " 4 Reasons Why Creating Lasting Love Is So Difficult"  I offered four reasons why partners will give-up on or break-up a relationship. Today, we are exploring the mechanisms behind our belief systems in relationship. This will be a two-part series. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the  transcript  to hear more explanations, stories and examples.) HOW COME MY PA...

LISTENER'S QUESTION: A while back, I received a question from a listener who was going through an extremely painful time with his wife. One of his greatest pains was she was pulling away, just as he was starting to learn how to be a better partner. He described trying to encourage her to belief in them and believe in their marriage. Yet the harder he tried, the further she would distance from him....

GUEST DR. KEITH WITT Dr. Keith Witt is a Licensed Psychologist, teacher, and author who has lived and worked in Santa Barbara, CA. for over forty years. Dr. Witt is the founder of The School of Love, at  www.drkeithwitt.com , where he offers his six Books, his six hour audio class Loving Completely, the School of Love Lecture Series, blogs, Therapist in the Wild webseries, and Integral Conversatio...

LASER COACHING SESSION WITH LISTENER In this episode, I offer coaching to help a listener explore her struggles with fear, doubt, and old programing as she develops intimacy in relationship. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read  the transcript  to hear the conversation and examples to describe these points.) 5 TIPS FOR DEVELOPING A NEW PATTERN: 1. Recognize your pain point and old pattern...

FIRST LISTENER'S QUESTION: "I often listen to your podcast and try to learn from it as much as possible. Your podcast has provided me an ample amount of knowledge and made me flexible to various aspects of being in a relationship. Thank you. I came across a girl on a  matrimony website and we have seen each other only 3 times in past 9 months of knowing each other as we stay in different states. T...

LOVE LANGUAGES To learn more about Love Languages; a description of each Love Language, and how to determine you and your partner's Love Language, check out the first part of this conversation on  ERP 089. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read  the transcript  to hear my stories and examples to describe these points.) CAN YOUR LOVE LANGUAGES CHANGE? Depending on your life circumstances, yo...

WHAT ARE LOVE LANGUAGES?: Love languages are a tool to help us understand how we each give and receive love differently. This is particularly important to know if you are in a long-term intimate relationship because, most likely, you and your partner have different primary love languages. Which means you and your partner could be trying to express love to one another, but could be completely missi...

HOLIDAY, DREAD, AND BLUES The season for "holiday cheer" can also be a season for stress, anxiety and angst. We tend to put a lot of expectations on ourselves and it can be difficult to manage these at times. Managing our stress and expectations can especially difficult when we are feeling down, lonely, or challenged. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read  the transcript  to hear my storie...

LISTENER'S QUESTION "I sought out your podcast a few days ago and have found it very helpful for the difficult situation my relationship is currently in. My partner lost his job a couple months ago due to downsizing at his company. Since then he's also lost a lot of confidence, reignited many insecurities, become extremely negative about everything related to job searching, been unmotivated. Meanw...