Employing Differences

"If I know why I'm trying to be there, then my next question is, why do I not want to be there fully?" Karen & Paul talk about how to balance being present in meetings with the demands of multitasking, especially in today's attention-fragmented world. They explore individual and group needs for attention, provide strategies for making conscious decisions about how fully to...

"Whenever we're doing things together, we tend to think that people participating, people being involved, people being engaged, is a good thing." Karen & Paul discuss the complexity of increasing group participation. They explore why people may not participate and suggest that simply aiming for more involvement might not be the solution.

"But if you're really clear that this is a terrible idea, you need to say that you think this is a terrible idea. And probably give some reasons for it because we are in a collaborative space." Karen & Paul explore the importance of saying no in collaborative spaces. They explore why people hesitate to say no, its impact on relationships, and how to say no effectively.

"There's often a case that when you're in a highly blamable role, it's very easy to fall into that trap of thinking I own this. Therefore, I'm going to start trying to exert this kind of control that I don't actually have." Karen & Paul  discuss the pitfalls of feeling like you own the meeting when facilitating. They explain the importance of recognizing the...

"I think we misrepresent to ourselves what it means to be late, what the impact of that is. And so I think the math that we like to do, and frankly, I do this math too, is, Oh, they'll just sort of be gathering, and I won't really miss anything." Karen & Paul talk about whether it's acceptable to arrive late in collaborative settings. They explain how the disruption of...

"Tell me a little more about what you're trying to use this information for, because I may be able to give you better information." Karen & Paul discuss why simple questions often lead to unexpected or defensive answers. They explore how questions can be loaded with hidden meanings and assumptions, causing misunderstandings.

"Are the people who would have to change, who would have to do the work to make that change, are they the ones who want it? Are they the ones thinking this is a good idea? Are they the ones asking for help?" Karen & Paul Paul talk about the importance of identifying who wants change in collaborative work. 

"Anytime anyone in a position of authority acts out of alignment from these values, that is a rife ground for cynicism." Karen & Paul explore whether group values are beneficial. They highlight that while group values can unify and guide decision-making, the process often turns into ineffective wordsmithing.

"So while you're doing the vision work, you want to be saying, okay, so what does that actually look like concretely?" Karen & Paul discuss the importance of balancing visionary discussions with concrete details in collaborative spaces. They emphasize that while dreaming and vision are important, actual logistics, tasks, and specifics must also be addressed to avoid misunderstan...

"At the point where you've reached the point where both people are really only expressing an interest in protecting themselves and not in actually solving the problem, that's a point where it can be useful for them to take a break, to simmer down, to deescalate to the point where they can get back to actually wanting to solve the problem again." Karen & Paul  dive into the...

"And a lot of that don't have a choice, what happens is it puts us in a place where we feel very victimy and helpless, which leads to resentment and anger." Karen & Paul explore how to navigate conflict by assessing personal values and considering a wide range of choices. They emphasize understanding why a situation matters, outlining all possible actions, and predicting likely...

"We get work done with and through other people. There's always relationships involved. And so my standpoint is generally that you are going to achieve the work more effectively if you're better at building positive working relationships with other people." Karen & Paul talk about whether relationships matter, even in contexts where they are not a priority.

"I'm doing a thing that just doesn't serve what I say is important to me, what I believe is important to me, what I value, what I care about, that is not equivalent to saying, wow, I'm a terrible person." Karen & Paul discuss the misalignment between unconscious habitual behavior and consciously held values.

"You're going to be trying to tell me about my impact and I'm going to be trying to defend myself by talking about my intentions. We actually need to talk about the same thing at the same time. If you're telling me about impact, I need to get curious about impact. We need to have a conversation at the impact level." Karen & Paul dive into the importance of recognizing...

" When there is a need for the emotions to come into the room, when we should talk about our feelings, we need to do that in an intentional and probably structured way." Karen & Paul tackle the importance of acknowledging emotions in decision-making, especially when groups are stuck. Links and items mentioned in this episode: The Cooperative Culture Handbook, Exercise 12.1

"Is my desire for them to land in a particular place causing me to make decisions that are going to take them the wrong way towards what I think is the right choice? " Karen & Paul talk about the challenges facilitators face in maintaining neutrality during group decision-making. Links and items mentioned in this episode: Employing Differences, Episode 146: What can a facilitator say...

"The more that the relationship space stays clean and clear, the more sense of freedom that everybody has. They have freedom to come right up to my boundary because they know where it is. They don't have to leave extra or wonder where it is or be on tiptoes or whatever." Karen & Paul dive into how setting and communicating personal boundaries not only safeguards oneself but also...

"For me at least personally it's been very useful for just to slow them down, just to say could I get you to just mirror back to me what do you think my concern is, or what do I think is going to happen here?" Karen & Paul tackle the issue of approaching disagreements with overconfidence and the good side of not always having to be 'right'.

" If somebody is talking to us, they would like to be heard. They would like to have a sense of connection. They would like something to shift or to matter to us or something. And if they get the sense that that is possible and that we're available in a way that almost nobody is. That is way powerful." Karen & Paul emphasize the value of listening over speaking in effective comm...

"When we don't trust the group to be able to take individual preferences into account and then make a decision when every sharing of information to us sounds like a demand." Karen & Paul explore the challenges of understanding what participants want in group settings when people are not forthcoming.  Links and items mentioned in this episode: Abilene Paradox

"It doesn't matter if it's your boss or somebody else. It could be your report. It could even be someone that you could give instructions to. But some kind of opener that lets them know what's coming and gives them a chance to say, are they up for it or not?" Karen & Paul discuss the importance of deciding how to disagree in a way that maintains relationships. Links an...

"I've largely gotten to the point where I can say, Hmm, I disagree, but no one else needs to know about that. It's not worth my time, or my energy to bring it up." Karen & Paul discuss the importance of knowing when to speak up and disagree, and preparing for potential outcomes. Links and items mentioned in this episode: Employing Differences, Episode 171 - Is it safe to di...

"I'm going to start from the assumption that they're doing that because they're in distress, because they're anxious, because they're possibly feeling insecure, or they're fearing failure. And to expect that they're going to have the ability to then show up well in the space between is unrealistic." Karen & Paul explore how gut feelings that somethi...

"As long as I'm sitting in a place of any outcome anybody's talking about, totally works for me. I can take my energy and go home and spend my time doing whatever else would be useful for my time and energy and it will actually make the community process go faster and better because they have one less person getting tangled up in it." Karen & Paul discuss how sometimes ener...

"We don't just show up fresh to every conversation. We bring with us all kinds of things that are outside the room into the room we're having the conversation with." Karen & Paul discuss their experiences with not being at their best when collaborating and offer strategies to maintain a healthy relationship with the team.