Ego Next Door Podcast

What is making us need closure so much that it’s preventing us from moving forward and developing healthy relationships? Is it because we truly want to know what we did wrong so we don’t repeat it? Or is it because we want to validate the stories we’ve created in our heads to justify certain events? Or is it a way for us to seek confirmation bias, which could be self-destructive and make us believ...

So, why does trauma complicate intimacy? We frequently blame intimacy issues on poor relationships or low self-esteem, but in many circumstances the underlying cause is a lot more complex. Sometimes past trauma might have absolutely nothing to do with intimacy or sex per se. What past trauma may do is leave lingering feelings related to a difficulty in opening up—not only with others, but with our...

Most people are aware of the “fight or flight” response, but there are two others that are not talked about nearly as much. Those are the freeze and fawn responses. If you’ve ever felt responsible for other people’s emotional response or the obligation to say yes to something when deep down you wanted to say no, that may be the fawn response speaking through you.

We often view apologies as a magical path to redemption, but in reality, they can be nothing more than a strategic front to manipulate others. While apologies can carry significant weight, they are not innately transformative. They don’t undo the past or erase the harm caused by our actions. There is, however, an important distinction between redemption and apologising.

Have you ever been told that you’re great at giving advice but terrible at taking your own? Could heightened sensitivity be connected to trauma? And if struggling with high sensitivity, how can one take matters into their own hands and certify that relationships and livelihood will not be sabotaged due to lack of boundaries and emotional exhaustion triggered by feeling too much?

It has been reported that the number of expressive violence offences doubles around the holiday season. But when we talk about expressive abuse, we cannot rely only on the physical aspect. Identifying non-physical abuse can be very challenging because abusers can be quite good at masking their behaviours. So, in this holiday special episode, we’re going to talk about spending the holidays with nar...

If you’ve ever wondered why you tend to attract or stay around relationships that keep you on edge or situations where you’re metaphorically walking on eggshells—it could be a sign that your body is resisting a return to emotional baseline. After all, when you've endured prolonged stress or abusive relationships for long enough, trauma responses don't just become momentary reactions—they shape you...

When the natural bond of love and proximity is constantly at war with feelings of threat and violence, chances are that person will grow up normalising this behaviour, associating it with real love, and bonding through it with future partners. Basically, being attracted to the contradictory feelings of love and hate, seeking love that can simultaneously be a provider of protection and a source of...

Conditioning to mental captivity does not always originate in childhood. Sometimes, captivity comes at a later time or springs up from outside the family unit. For example, in high-control romantic relationships, peer pressure in friend groups, hostile work environments, academic settings, or in groups associated with governmental authority figures. In fact, being radically manipulated by extreme...

He was there to serve my mother, as if a gift of gratitude for fueling his covertness into grandiosity. When a vulnerable narcissist meets a grandiose narcissist, that is exactly what can happen. Their interactions can be driven by their differing narcissistic traits and self-presentation tactics, resumed by complex, volatile dynamics.

Shengold describes “soul murder” as the irreversible damage caused to a victim through chronic and severe abuse or neglect, which in cases of premature abuse, ends up disrupting psychological development. And, curiously enough, mental freedom is not guaranteed after physical freedom. Physical freedom is the beginning. Mental freedom is the journey that follows.

Authors suggest that to break strong enmeshment in a relationship, one should progressively develop a stronger sense of self. But what happens when the strong enmeshment in a relationship is suddenly ripped apart? Then the pain is almost unbearable, and reintegration into society feels simultaneously like a rebirth and a mourning of the self. Like quitting a drug cold turkey.

In life, we carry little pieces of each of our experiences, good and bad, and we must learn how to navigate the world by looking at it through new lenses. We can learn to cope with our trauma and learning how to do it in a healthy way will make us adopt healthy coping strategies as opposed to maladaptive coping strategies.

You’ll see it. The image of your worst childhood nightmare, standing right there, again, willing to forcefully grab you until you can’t breathe anymore as you kick your legs towards the air to create leverage for him to let you go. You’ll see it. You will fall on the floor and allow yourself to crumble up and out like an overly expired slide of bread accidentally sliding out of the plate and into...

Describing this phase gives me intense shame, but also compassion because I know that unfortunately, I am not the only one who has been in these shackles. Being treated like you matter so much, only to gradually be manipulated into becoming what someone else wants you to be is radical, dangerous, and scary. Yet in the moment, you feel assured.

During this phase, you might find yourself becoming love-obsessed as if you just can’t get enough of this person. Deep down you may still feel that they are not in tune with you, yet still find their presence addictive. They will give you such a powerful, intoxicating feeling that you most likely will disregard any cautionary signals. This person can quickly win your heart over and make you believ...

I was 18 years old, and I had decided that I had a new goal in life. I went from wanting to get married by 23 and having my first child by 27, to wanting to become an independent young lady, eager to meet new friends, finally have the social life I did not have during my teenage years, and pretty much reinvent myself. That plan lasted for about three months until I became the new target of a narci...

It took me almost getting to my 30s to realise that there was such a thing as unconditional love, and that unconditional love made me feel especially uncomfortable. I had always believed that love was transactional, and that being myself wasn’t enough to receive love.

Being an adult who has not had the opportunity to fully develop emotionally as a child, enjoy a healthy childhood, and thus be forced to grow up too quickly without the proper tools... is distressing. Narcissistic fleas aside, when reaching adulthood as a trauma survivor, it is quite typical to feel lost, and inadequate and have difficulty fitting in or relating to anyone. Have you ever wondered w...

The thing about narcissism is that there is a common misconception that narcissists must’ve learned their manipulation skills through someone. However, although it would be easier to just rely on specific, quantifiable signs to predict or diagnose someone’s personality development... It is not the truth.

Gaslighting, love bombing, triangulation, projection, playing the victim, smear campaign, retaliation, the silent treatment, guilt-tripping, and hoovering. Let's check out some real-life examples of each of these.

Every time I think about her - I see in double. The mother that she was when things were going her way, and the mother that she was the rest of the time. If only my way of existing did not clash  with her uttermost desires. If only I had managed to become just a vacant shell, a flawless puppet, that could adapt my every move to her every move, and avoid the sheer disappointment of being a unique h...

According to my father, he was a loving father and we had a deep connection. We spent weekends together while my mother was working, he took me to the park “often”, I was very loved, and the only reason I “think” he abused me is because I was brainwashed. But this is not true. What happened, happened. I know it and I remember it as clear as day.

What happens if you call a narcissist out on their bullshit? What do the terms scapegoat, enabler, and flying monkeys mean? Let's take a look at real-life examples of narcissists in action and how their behaviour relates to specific manipulation tactics.

What are friends when you can influence and alienate people? This is how narcissists could be accurately depicted. And honestly, I find it to be a pretty accurate motto for their way of life. Their capacity to apply manipulation tactics could be seen as robotic yet it comes so naturally to them that the real question I would pose is: What came first, narcissism, or manipulation tactics?