Early Mourning Coffee Club

Episode 25 is here ❤️ This week I went back to the place where Alex proposed 7 years ago to the day.  What started as a surfing pilgrimage, ended up becoming one of the most emotional trips I've taken since losing Alex. I talk about revisiting the place where our future began, the kindness of complete strangers, and an 82 year old surfer that reminded me life doesn't stop, and the 86,400...

When we think about grief we think about heartbreak. We don't think about the financial reality that comes with it. In this episode I share the hidden costs of widowhood, from managing household bills alone, to navigating life insurance. As my Bereavement Support Payment comes to an end this month, I also discuss the support currently available to bereaved families in the UK, why many believe...

Grief counselling won't fix your grief. It won't take away the loss. It won't make you stop missing them.  But what it can do is help you carry what feels impossible to carry alone.  This week I'm talking about therapy, guilt, anger, healing, and why asking for help is one of the bravest things you can do ☕️🖤

This week's podcast episode is about Father's Day, grief, parenting after loss and the poem I wrote for Oscar on Father's Day last year. We talk about remembering Alex, the male role models helping to shape Oscar's life, and the question that sits quietly underneath it all: Will it be enough? A conversation about love, loss, family and all the ways people continue to show up lo...

This week, a £21.44 bank transfer stopped me in my tracks, Oscar promoted me to professional cyclist despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, and a GP appointment left me questioning whether I'd accidentally wandered into a satire sketch. This is an episode about recognition, resilience and the people who understand without needing an explanation. ☕️🖤

After a few weeks away, I'm back - and this episode explains why. A conversation with a patient, a hospital appointment with Oscar, a failed camping trip and a grief wave so powerful I could no longer outrun it. For the first time in a long time I stopped pretending I was OK. If you've ever felt pressure to be "better" before you're ready, this conversation is for you. Gra...

A playdate that was never meant to be part of our story... and yet became one of the most important ones. In this episode, I share what happened when Oscar met another little boy who had also lost his Daddy. What started as a simple meet-up turned into something much bigger. A quiet moment of connection, understanding, and the realisation that he's not the only one. ☕️🖤

Last night, my 3 year old son Oscar reached up into the sky and cried  "I want my Daddy back" And I had to somehow hold him... while my own heart was breaking too. This episode is about helping a child understand grief, when you're still trying to understand it yourself. https://winstonswish.org/ Winston's Wish Free Support line Open Mon-Fri 8am-8pm -  08088 020 021 https://www...

The second year of grief doesn't look like people expect. It's quieter on the outside... but heavier on the inside.  Less visible. Less understood. And somehow... more complicated. This episode is about the in-between. Where joy and heartbreak sit side by side. Where you can stand at a wedding and laugh, cry, feel everything... and still miss them all at once.  If you've ever felt l...

Grief doesn't disappear... it jusst changes shape. And sometimes healing shows up in the form of muddy paws, early mornings, and a puppy who has absolutely no concept of personal space. This week I'm talking about Honey, the chaos she's brought into our lives... and the quiet ways she's helped us to heal. Because joy doesn't replace love.  It learns to sit alongside it. ☕...

Birthdays used to mean cake, candles and making a bit of fuss (okay... a lot of fuss) Now they mean something very different. This episode os about grief showing up where you don't expect it. In hospital waiting rooms, in quiet moments, in the space where someone should still be.  It's about missing him. It's about making your own birthday coffee (which just isn't the same) And...

We learn what grief "should" look like long before we ever experience it. Through films, TV, music and even adverts. But when grief arrives... it doesn't follow a script. In this episode I talk about the gap between how grief is portrayed in the media and what it actually feels like to live it. It's messy, quiet, repetitive, and very real. From cinematic storylines to supermark...

Episode 13: The Things We Lose Grief isn't just about death.  It can live in divorce papers. In hospital waiting rooms. In the loss of a body part. In futures that never happen. This week, my friend Gemma joins me to talk about grieving something we rarely discuss: losing part of your body after breast cancer. It's raw, honest, sometimes funny, and a reminder that grief doesn't need...

Mother's Day can be beautiful.  But when you're grieving, it can also be incredibly complicated. This week on the Early Mourning Coffee Club, I'm talking about Mother's Day in the middle of grief. Whether you're missing your mum, grieving your husband while raising his child, or carrying a version of motherhood that looks very different to what you imagined. Because this d...

Episode 11: One for sorrow, two for joy  This week, I'm talking about signs. Not the loud spooky cinematic kind. The quiet ones. The ones you question. The ones you feel more than you can explain. Magpies. Aftershave. A talking Build-A-Bear. Not proof. Just presence. And sometimes, that's enough. ☕️🖤

What if everything you've been told about grief... isn't quite true? In this episode of the Early Mourning Coffee Club, we gently unpack one of the biggest myths around loss - the "five stages" - and explore what's actually happening in your brain, your body and your nervous system when someone you love dies. This is an honest science-backed conversation about love, attach...

Episode 9: Love, Loss & February 14th ❤️‍🩹 Valentine's Day looks very different when the person you built your life with is no longer here. In this episode, I'm talking about helicopter rides over the Alps, prison massages in Thailand, and the quiet evolution of love over 13 Valentine's Days together. I'm sharing what this day used to mean. What it means now. And how love...

Episode 8: Running With Love For Winston's Wish This week is special. I'm joined by my friend Lydia, who is running an ultra marathon in May in Alex's memory to raise money for Winston's Wish, the charity that has held me and Oscar through some of our hardest moments.  We talk about carrying people with us, about endurance (both running and in grief) and about what it means to...

Episode 7: The Gentle Return Of Joy After loss, joy can feel risky. Complicated. Even undeserved. This episode is about giving yourself permission to feel good again - not instead of grief, but alongside it. Not forced happiness. Just quiet moments of ease. Just enough softness to let your shoulders drop. If joy feels far away right now, you're not broken. You're healing. ☕️🖤

Episode 6: Totally Unhinged Things I Did To Process My Grief A reminder that grief has no rules. You're allowed to be messy. You're allowed to laugh at the wrong moments. You're allowed to do things that don't make sense to anyone, even you. This episode is me telling the truth about what survival actually looked like - unfiltered, undignified, and human. If you're here, I...

Episode 5: After The Chairs Are Put Away A year after the funeral, I'm finally able to look back without flinching. This episode isn't about reliving the day. It's about what that day gave me. The love that showed up. The laughter that surprised us. The way grief can be held by other people when it's too heavy to carry alone.  I'm joined by Emily, one of mine and Alex&apos...

Episode 4 is one I never planned to make - because it's about a life I never planned to live. This episode is about becoming a solo parent overnight. Not by choice. Not gradually. But through loss. It's also about the difference between single  parenting and solo parenting. About grief that doesn't pause for bedtime. About doing everything alone - while missing the person who should...

Grief makes people nervous. So they disappear, or say the wrong thing, or even try to fix what can't be fixed. This episode of the Early Mourning Coffee Club is for two kinds of people: - If you're grieving - I hope you feel seen - If you're supporting someone who is - I hope this takes some of the pressure off. You can't fix grief. But you can stay. Pop the kettle on, say thei...

This week on Early Mourning Coffee Club, I'm sharing why I'm spending six weeks in the French ski resort of Tignes - the place where me and Alex met - and what it means to return with our son as I teach him to ski for the first time. I'm also joined by my friend Alex Connor, who worked a ski season with us and witnessed our love story unfold. We talk about memory, grief, joy and wha...

Dear Oscar - Episode One. This podcast was recorded in the early hours of the morning, coffee in hand, grief already awake, and featuring an extra special guest... The Early Mourning Coffee Club is a place for people who loved someone who left too soon. A place for quiet mornings, heavy hearts and doing the best we can with what's left.  This first episode is a letter. To my son Oscar. About...