Du know what annoys me?

“Hurry home.” Lovely. Jon’s at a bus stop. Short of hijacking the number 174, how exactly does he wait faster? Jon and Dan take on the people who want you to rush through things you have no control over, starting with theme park queues where you march a mile to the back of a line you can already see. Also in this one: Dan’s overtaker, and where they ended up The theme park neck breather (and the t...

You ask where something is. You get a sigh, a grunt and “we don’t sell it.” Jon and Dan take on the shop staff who would rather be anywhere else, starting with Dan’s trip to a hardware store that went about as well as you’d expect. Also in this one: Twins working at rival hardware stores The trials of buying a tin of paint Jon held in amazement that paint shops exist Had a shop assistant who could...

Gallows Corner. Need we say more? Jon and Dan take on the road works that brought East London to a standstill, the utility companies who dig up the same stretch three times in a month, and potholes that would take a lifetime to fill. Also in this one: How South Dakota and Spain would have done it faster The famous song written in an M25 traffic jam The road works outside Jon’s flat, and what they...

You lot have been busy! This time the annoyances are yours, and first up, Gary has a complaint about Dan. Specifically, the fact that he can’t hear him. Jon and Dan work through your emails and comments, from the supermarket queue to the shirtless summer stroll. Also in this one: Scissors sealed in a packet that needs scissors to open Tom’s surprisingly strong feelings about mullets A bag of froze...

DUKWAM: Kids’ Graduation Ceremonies! Gowns, mortarboards and a hat toss for finishing primary school? Jon and Dan put the mini graduation on trial. Is it a sweet celebration or just a reward for getting a year older? Also in this one: Is this the Americanisation of British schools? The trades vs university debate gets a devil’s advocate One university’s baffling rule about the hat Do mini graduati...

£85 for a standing ticket? We're too old for this. Jon and Dan take on the modern gig, from ticket prices that could fund a week in Spain to the nine-foot man who waits until the band walks on before parking himself directly in front of you. Also in this one: Listener Barry from Southend and a very expensive water bottle A bold new punishment system for festival offenders Why the phone-filming cro...

You buy one thing, once, and suddenly your inbox thinks you're a lifelong customer and Dan is not happy about it! This week we dig into the endless emails about things bought a single time, and the recommendations that land in front of you for stuff you have zero interest in... ever. meanwhile, Jon, is feeling nostalgic for the glory days of proper junk mail thudding through the letterbox. Als...

Nobody on television has ever finished a breakfast. Mum cooks enough eggs, bacon and pancakes for a small hotel, the kids talk for a bit, take one bite of toast, say "okay, bye" and leave the lot on the table. Jon wants to know who's eating the rest of it, and why the toast had to be bitten first. Then there's the phone thing. Conversation ends, phone goes down, nobody says goodb...

Nobody buys an avocado for Tuesday, do they? Dan's sick of supermarkets deciding when he's allowed to eat, and Jon's got a fridge full of mush that proves the whole system is nonsense. All anyone wants is a "ready now" option and the freedom to make their own mistakes. Also in this one: what a month in a glove compartment does to two apples, why bananas can't be shared a...

Have a scroll through this week's cinema listings and see how many of them are actually new. Remakes, sequels, prequels, reboots of things that were fine the first time - and every single one of them somehow three hours long. Jon and Dan work out when films stopped being films and started being homework, and why nobody in Hollywood owns a pair of scissors any more. New episode out now. Follow...

Sausages that are still linked together. Why? With all the modern technology available to us, why are we still standing at a BBQ with sausage juice on our hands looking for the scissors? This week the boys can't agree on it. One says butcher's sausages come strung up for a reason and that's the price you pay for quality. The other says he'd happily pay an extra quid to have them cu...

Only a few seconds... This really annoys us... that is all...

Water comes out of the tap. It is free, it is right there, and you can stick a filter jug in the fridge if you are fussy. So why does half of Costco descend on the water aisle like the mains have been cut off for good? Jon and Dan get into the pallet-hoarding, trolley-jamming madness of the Costco water run: the crowd you physically cannot get through, the people loading up like they are prepping...

"In as little as..." Four words doing an enormous amount of heavy lifting. This week Jon and Dan go after the sneakiest phrase in advertising. An engineer could be with you in as little as 20 minutes. Could be. In as little as. Which technically means anything from 20 minutes to the heat death of the universe, and they've said nothing wrong. Holidays from as little as £99, which turn...

Who decided food needed to change shape? This week Jon and Dan take on modern food and the ridiculous forms it now arrives in. Burgers stacked so high you you've got two options: take the whole thing apart like a flat pack wardrobe, or unhinge your jaw like a snake attempting a rabbit. Bread that's gone wide and short, so half of it sits above the toaster looking smug and pale while the re...

Trains. Modern miracle of engineering, or the most expensive way to stand in a stranger's armpit? This week Jon and Dan get on board with the great British rail experience. The delays that somehow become your fault. Ticket prices that cost more than a flight abroad. The bloke who keeps his rucksack on in a packed carriage and takes out three people every time he turns round. Carriages so full...

Ever watched a documentary where they show an empty chair, then someone walks in, sits down, straightens their jacket... and THEN the clapper board comes in and they leave it in the final cut? Dan's had enough. He works as a TV editor and says he'd never let that footage anywhere near a broadcast. So why does every documentary do it now? Is it "authenticity" or just filler to pad...

Petrol stations have become an obstacle course. Pay at pump only when you wanted to go inside, staff too busy on their phones to notice you exist, a toilet sign on the wall for a toilet that's apparently been "out of order since 1999," and a coffee that costs more than the fuel used to. We pull into the forecourt for a full rant on the modern service station experience.

You spend thousands on a holiday so you can relax... then spend the whole week watching the clock. Check in too late. Check out too early. Miss breakfast and you're living on a packet of crisps until lunch. In this episode of Du' Know What Annoys Me? , we continue our rant about the modern obsession with time slots and ask why hotels seem determined to make holidays feel less like an escap...

When did life become one big booking system? This week's rant is all about the death of just turning up!

Pop down to the shops to pick up a couple of bits for the week... Simple, right? Not at all. Find out why Jon is frequently annoyed by supermarkets!

Du' know what annoys me? Stupid plates, that's what! Why do some restaurants insist on making you eat off anything other than a standard plate or bowl!?! What annoys you? Let us know in the comments and we may discuss on a future episode... with a shout out of course ;) #firstworldproblems #comedy #podcast

As mentioned previously... we're no Athletes, however, we know what we like, and there are just some televised sports we can not endure... Listen in to why and let us know if you feel the same way or if we need to try harder!

It's a tale as old as plumbing itself. This week, we tackle one of humanity's most underappreciated engineering failures: the toilet seat that refuses to stay up. There's slow-closing impending doom, questionable hygiene, and a surprisingly heartfelt public service announcement for homeowners everywhere. Just fix the damn thing! Whose responsibility is it? You decide.

Ever feel like TV is making you watch the same show three times? This week, we dive headfirst into one of life's great unsung frustrations: the pre-advert teaser, the post-advert recap, and the baffling logic that somehow makes both necessary. It's the televisual equivalent of someone telling you a joke, walking away, and then coming back to explain the punchline. Tune in. You won't need a recap.