Downsizing

Bro I'm keto, so it's totally cool that I'm eating nothing but butter all day.  Everyone loves butter anyway, I'm just cutting out the middle man bro. Outro song: That's Amore by Dean Martin Podcast art by Joey Rizk

This week's episode is like if you combined Ozark, Breaking Bad, and an 8 year old reading out loud in class all into one incoherent package. Outro song: Liposuction - Da Vinci's Notebook Podcast art by Joey Rizk

You've heard of pre workout, but I do gi workout.  It's where I do deadlifts in a karate gi.  What did George St Pierre wear when he practiced karate?  A guy.  I'll see myself out. Outro Song: I'm Fat - Weird Al Yankovic Podcast art by Joey Rizk

My new fitness goal is to become so fit that I become unlikable.  Step 1: Become likeable Outro song: Bad at Math - The Scary Jokes Podcast art by Joey Rizk

Doing a podcast by yourself is a bit like pissing your pants in your own home.  There's no one to blame but yourself. Outro song: Ramblin' Man - The Allman Brothers Band Podcast art by Joey Rizk

I hope to one day be successful enough to be in a position to embezzle.  No I didn't look up how to spell it.  Yes I did.  Sorry I lied. Outro song: Steak and Eggs - If you know, you know Podcast art by Joey Rizk

I've been thinking about rebranding this podcast as an art piece.  Which I think means I don't have to try to make it funny anymore. Outro song: Canadian Idiot - Weird Al Yankovic Podcast logo by Joey Rizk

Might fuck around and become the most influential artist of my generation. Outro song: Concrete and Clay - Unit 4+2 Podcast logo by Joey Rizk

If a tree falls down in the forest, most likely it's because I sat on it. Outro song: Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh - Allan Sherman Podcast logo by Joey Rizk

If "bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks," and "tricks are for kids," does it then follow that bitches are for kids? Outro Song: Olympic Fanfare and Theme - John Williams Podcast art by Joey Rizk

I'll know I've finally made it when I start talking about all the "haters" in my audience.  Be sure to send all your hate mail to downsizingpod@gmail.com! Outro song: The Old Apartment - The Barenaked Ladies Podcast art by Joey Rizk

I'm just a Dwight looking for his stapler Outro Song: Ham 'N' Egg - Tribe Called Quest Podcast art by Joey Rizk

I'm just a husky Connor McGregor Outro song: Butterbean - The B52's Podcast logo by Joey Rizk

My therapist said she feels like she could hand me a million dollars and even then I wouldn't react.  I think that's her way of telling me I'm a bummer. Outro Song: Kombucha - Soaky Siren Podcast logo by Joey Rizk

I'm going to make merch that's just my face on a drink coaster and charge five thousand dollars for it.  Actually no, I'll charge five million for an NFT of the coaster.  No lowballers, I know what I got. Outro song: George Shrinks Theme - My Dumb Ass Logo by Joey Rizk

I've been thinking about buying a kilt.  Not a tartan one, they make these like, battle kilts that quite frankly look really comfortable.  I'm already wearing overalls everyday, I've got overall shorts that I almost fit into, a kilt isn't that much of a leap for me.  And if I get told I can't wear it I'll just complain to the news, get on tv, and then I can plug the podcast!  W...

Well hey if this whole podcasting thing doesn't work out I hear crime pays! Outro Song: Candyman - Christina Aguilera Logo by Joey Rizk

I think if I start selling merch it has to be as stupid as possible.  Like no shirts, no hoodies, only underwear, zip ties, and tea kettles.  All with the Downsizing logo, of course.  Nothing says successful business model like a sickening degree of irony. Outro song: Caillou Theme Song Remix - Attic Stein Beats Logo by Joey Rizk

Do any of you know a good kombucha recipe?  I got a starter kit, but I'm sure there's an upper limit to how good it can be.  I want to make my own, but I don't want to go around throwing a bunch of spices into a jar and end up having to drink something that tastes like watery, spicy poison.  So if you were going to give me a recipe for kombucha that tastes like that, well, don't. Ou...

Hey guys, it's me again.  I'm just wondering if you know what's cool right now.  I'm a little out of the loop.  Is it Dr. Marten's? What does based mean?  Based on what?  How old am I?  I'm in my twenties.  Yeah, no I know what was cool like two days ago I just don't know if it's the same, like, right now.  That Bill Eilish guy?  He's cool right?  Yeah, okay cool thanks, uh, chief? Bro?  Guy?

I don't know if I'm going to keep writing actual descriptions to these episodes.  I mean everything you need to know is in the title.  Maybe I'll use this section for philosophical ponderings.  For example: if you're fully clothed, and submerged in a pool, and you pee, did you pee your pants? Or did you just pee in a pool and it doesn't count because your pants are already wet? &nbs...

This week I earn myself a sociology degree merit badge by taking a look at some of the causes of obesity. The Take2 Podcast is in full swing in this episode folks, buckle up! End song: Thick Thighs - Priscilla Block Logo by Joey Rizk 

This week we switch things up a little bit and take stock of where we're at in this journey.  Also belts, furries, and McDonald's. End song: Junk Food Junkie - Larry Groce Logo by Joey Rizk

This week I started a new podcast within the podcast, Take2!  It's the podcast that tracks every time I flub a sentence and have to repeat it, often getting lost in the process.  Merch for Take2 coming soon!  As for Downsizing it's the usual, I talk a big game for a guy who isn't paying attention to anything, ever, and shoot from the hip with hot takes. Outro song: Big and Chunky -...

This week is a portion controlled episode where I discuss anime, stunts, anime, the illuminati, and the food pyramid. My English is steadily improving, but my taste in media is not!  Feast your ears on this big sucker! Outro Song: Just a Lil' Thick - Trinidad James Ft. Lil Dicky, Mystikal Podcast logo by Joey Risk