Double Love

Move over, Nicholas Morrow and Emily Meyer's dad - there's a new contender for the crown of Worst Man in Sweet Valley! And that man is Peter de Haven, self-obsessed blowhard and supposed science genius. He's the inexplicable object of former high school drop out Johanna Porter's obsession (yes, we've reached the "randomer" period of the SV books, when they had to just start inventing characters to...

We thought we knew just how annoying Elizabeth Wakefield was, but it turns out we hadn't seen the true depths of her awfulness until this book, where we see Liz at her most judgemental AND hypocritcal. Luckily a hero comes along, with the strength to carry on, and that hero is fashion genius and decent human being Heather. Hooray! Meanwhile Jess is convinced that she'll soon be a millionaire - yes...

OMG you guys, Maria and Michael are engaged! You know, Maria who's just been a background player for the last 37 books and Michael who has never been mentioned before at all? Yeah, we can't say we were too excited either, but everyone in Sweet Valley is losing their shit about it. Meanwhile, we lose our shit at how completely terrible Michael is. Also, how did it take Francine and her team this lo...

Oh, Dana. Dana, Dana, Dana. We had such high hopes for you in this book, the first to feature our favourite classic-movie-loving, outrageous-fashion-wearing rock goddess in a starring role. And yet you let us down! Because when your poor cousin Sally moves in with you, after spending years in the care system, you kind of act like a dick! Luckily Jess and Liz are at hand to save the day with an ado...

You may think you are ready for the outfits in this book, but believe us, you are not. Yes, it's time to meet the New Jessica, or should we say Jessa Fields, as Jessica has a makeover and adopts a whole new persona to go with her glamorous new "European" look! Everyone loves it - apart from Liz, the big sap. Grab a copy of Paris Match and join us as we rant about Liz's contrived problems, discover...

It's finally here - the story of the many flat-faced bitches who made Lila Fowler the glorious diva we know and love! History experts look away now, as we head back to the French Revolution to meet Lila's aristocratic French ancestors and wonder why the hell she isn't constantly boasting about all these poshos. This book has it all - rural guillotines, cross-dressing bohemians, multiple secret mar...

It's the most wonderful time of the year in the most wonderful place on earth (at least that's what all the locals think)! But Liz's dreams of a perfect Christmas - including a visit from Todd - are shattered when Suzanne Devlin, last seen wreaking havoc in Too Good To Be True insists on coming to stay for an entire fortnight. Not even the most ridiculous, elaborate Secret Santa scheme ever (what...

It's Wakefield versus Wakefield when the twins become rival matchmakers in a book that turned out to be WAY more entertaining than we expected. Will Liz be able to unite Enid with hunky (but increasingly problematic) new boy Jeffrey French or will Jess manage to fix him up with Lila? Spoiler:the answer to both questions is no! Meanwhile the twins' cousin shows up to make a show of Jessica, questio...

Sandy Bacon is jealous of her perfect best friend Jean, and not just because Jean has a name that doesn't sound like a disaster at a beach picnic. Will Sandra successfully sabotage Jean's attempts to join Sweet Valley's stupid sorority? Meanwhile Steven Wakefield decides he's dropping out of college to sail the world working on a cruise ship. Yes, really. Join us as we return to the Tennis Shop to...

The classic sitcom was wrong - three's definitely not company, as poor old Enid finds out when Elizabeth's childhood best friend Amy Sutton moves back to town. Meanwhile Jessica uses her new agony aunt powers for evil, Lila displays a frankly worrying obsession with her hunky cousin, and a fancy dress party inspires some amazing - and amazingly boring - ensembles.  You can follow us on Twitter at...

It's finally here - the greatest ever title and the best ever cover in the Sweet Valley canon. This books has got Elizabeth at her most patronising. It's got musical loner Lynne Henry writing a masterpiece and embracing the jumpsuit life. It's got Guy Chesney being way more of a dick than we remembered. And it's got Jessica...in a rocking chair? All this and a musical surprise!  You can follow us...

Will Suzanne succeed in changing Ken? He likes pizza and rock and roll, she likes fancy food and classic music, and according to the rigid rules of Sweet Valley you can't possibly like both, so you know things are going to go wrong. Especially when the entire population are losing their shit over the town's centennial celebrations. Will Ken be inspired by the literary genius of Elizabeth Wakefield...

It's another exclamation mark title! You know what means - drama, excitement and batshit insanity. And Hostage! doesn't disappoint, as Regina is kidnapped, her parents are held captive in the most casual kidnapper's lair ever, and Bruce, Nicholas and the twins concoct a rescue plan that's so stupid and impractical we get totally confused. Also, where's Roger? You can follow us on Twitter at @svhpo...

Move over Nicholas Morrow - Emily's dad Ron has taken your throne as the Worst Man in Sweet Valley. He's married to Evil Karen (not to be confused with our Good Karyn) and they're making poor Emily's life a misery. Meanwhile Liz discovers her true calling as a nosy meddler, Jess gets inexplicably excited by a visit from her annoying grandparents, and Alice is in despair. We know how you feel, Alic...

It's episode 26 but book 24 so prepare for us to get increasingly confused at the beginning of each ep from now on. This week it's all about Steven, who suddenly fancies Cara now that she's all miserable. Ugh. But will Betsy let him move on? Spoiler alert: not until the end of the book. Elsewhere Elizabeth is entranced by a mysterious Todd lookalike, Jessica's dreams of fame (yeah, she's remembere...

Can you believe it's been a whole year since we took to the podcasting airwaves? It's been a wild ride, full of onion dip, outrage and of course lots of Old Timey Gangster talk. In this special birthday episode, we discuss what we and you, our listeners, have learned from Sweet Valley over the last twelve months - and Karyn introduces Anna to the wonders of the Sweet Valley boardgame. You can foll...

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone - Todd is leaving Sweet Valley! Liz is a mess (understandably, in fairness), Nicholas is even creepier than usual (which is saying something) and Jess embarks on one of her best ever schemes, attempting to fix Steven up with an "old woman" who is basically the same age as Anna. Oh, and we're reminded yet again that you can't even cross the road in Sweet V...

Following the last episode's bombshell revelation that we were feeling sorry for Jessica, we have another shock for you all this week: it took 22 books to get here, but we're finally reached a Sweet Valley tale with a genuinely healthy message. AND it features a person of colour! I KNOW! Join us in a rousing chorus of "Gee, Officer Krupke" as we head to the Wakefield's free gaff to discuss America...

Something very peculiar happens in this episode. Something that disturbs us both. We actually - can it be true? - FEEL SORRY FOR JESSICA. Poor old Jess (I can't believe I'm typing these words) feels so underappreciated by her awful family that she falls for the extremely dubious charms of sensitive bad boy Nicky. Meanwhile, Ned and Liz are basically competing to see who can be most unethical, and...

It's been a while since our last episode because we were off, you know, changing Ireland for the better. But now we're back, back, BACK, and we've got another title with an exclamation mark! That can only mean one thing: DRAMA. And boy, does this episode deliver, as Enid is paralysed in a plane crash and George feels too guilty to dump her as planned. Meanwhile, Robin gains weight (GASP!), Jess be...

If you met a random construction worker who wore deck shoes, would you assume he was secretly a prince? No, you wouldn't, because you don't live in Sweet Valley, where everyone is a deluded fantasist! This week we grab our popcorn and enjoy the extreme drama and crazy scheming as Jessica Wakefield faces off against Lila Fowler in a battle for the heart of the mysterious Jack. Is he really a prince...

**EPISODE 19: HEAD OVER HEELS** Jump into 1BRUCE1 and fasten your seatbelts because it's going to be a bumpy ride through this bona fide Sweet Valley masterpiece! We've got Bruce and Regina in melodramatic love, a ridiculous carnival run by children, Todd and Liz being even more buffoonish than usual, Jessica failing to notice a huge flaw in her latest scheme, and some very incoherent stuff about...

Why is Caroline pretending that she has a long-distance love? Well, she's basically been driven to it by the SVH wankers, who think anyone without a boyfriend is worthless. Meanwhile Liz and Jess are shaken when they're told that - gasp! - the Wakefields might have to say goodbye to their Spanish tiled kitchen and leave Sweet Valley forever! Join us in one of Sweet Valley's ten million Italian res...

Why do so many of the Sweet Valley shops have such ridiculously generic names (not you, Foxy Mama's, we love you)? That's just one of the many questions we ask in this week's episode, in which Roger goes from rags to (spoiler alert) riches. Can Olivia and her dangerously floaty outfits fit in with Roger's new world? Is there anything Jessica won't do to get a rich boyfriend? And why the hell is To...

Welcome to Sweet Valley, where the town "bad girl" dresses like a nun. Literally - she has both the hair and clothes of Anna's old school principal. Join us as we marvel at the depths of Jess's sociopathy, discuss Winston 'Starch King' Egbert's hypocrisy, and ponder the Sweet Valley drinking scene. Don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts and if you like the sh...