Deliver Us Some Evil

Those at the D.U.S.E. would like to make you feel loved this Valentine's Day but we all know that's impossible. So instead they've chosen to tickle your cockles and whatever else you want them to feel-up with this heart-warming story of a suave man with black hoodoo magic getting what he wants from any woman, and a woman that he wants nothing more than to get away from, but can't!...

In our latest installment honoring Black History Month, Eli and Mel go where no DUSE has gone before as they examine the deranged antics of a man with the double whammy of a low IQ and an unusual hobby. It's Philly's very own corpse collector! He didn't paste them into scrapbooks or trade them on eBay, but liked to keep them around for nostalgia's sake, and who can blame him? Even...

In this episode Eli and Mel reveal the long lost formula for the success of one of the internet's most prolific rap artists: commitment, enthusiasm, dedication... and crack! As we open our third annual Black History Month we take a look at the infamous Viper, a man who began his career with classical piano before finding his niche as a gangbanger, drug dealer, scammer, and licensed real estate...

What's better than witches? Ghost witches! Now throw in a poltergeist, a U.S. president, a war everyone has forgotten, a dog with a bunny head, an awful lot of things that go bump in the night, and a few fart jokes for good measure and you've got the story of the Bell Witch, a story just for you! Well, you and the thousands of people who camped out in the Bell family's front yard to wi...

Despite the happy-go-lucky title, this episode is not filled with good things. Eli and Mel tap into the subject of "Goth Chicks" by talking about Randy Stair, a man who knew he was a man but also knew that when he died he'd become a cartoon ghost goth chick paranormal investigator. What started as a fantasy became obsession became reality. Was the guy psychotic? Sure, but that didn&#...

It's the end of an era as Eli and Mel close out the discussion of Jmmanuel's Talmud and finish the thrilling tale of the true history of Jmmanuel, the man also known as... Jesus Christ! And they do it in a way that really speaks to the yoot-- err, youth of tomorrow. So how far apart is the truth from the "truth" in the New Testament? Well to be honest, it's a little different but same same. Jmmanu...

The D.U.S.E. invites you to join us as we bid a fond farewell to "The Amazing Chris-Chan" series as it waddles its bumble butt off a cliff with all the other dumb lemmings. Eli and Mel think they gave our fallen hero a better send off than he deserves and want to congratulate you for having made it to The End right along with us. As for Chris-Chan, will his saga ever really end? The immortal Chris...

In this episode of "J'mmanuel's Talmud" Eli and Mel cut the fat out of this hog to keep this Kosher narrative flowing! Sure they could tell you about all the times J'mmanuel slandered the Chosen People and then said something profound, but who has time for parables? Instead we dig deep into the story of J'mmanuel as he travels to Judea, the land of money changers, whales, pharisees, Birkenstocks,...

Ho ho ho! And we don't just mean your mom! Have a Merry Christmas and whatever other made-up holiday you chose to be annoying about. In this not so jolly Christmas special, Eli does his best to scramble your egg nog by telling you all about the copious amounts of blood libel, infanticide, child abuse, cannibalism, zombies, necromancy, animated scare-crows, half goat demons, cultural subversion, bl...

Armor up viewers, grab your axes, your swords, and your holy collection of limited edition signed Sonichu Comics, and let's raid the holy land! Or whatever Chris-Chan thinks is the holy land, which might be everyone else's version of hell. In this episode our boy Chris-Chan finally gets the boyfriend-free girl he's always wanted! Well, sort of. Turns out she was a professional, and that means she'...

Concise strikes to your dome piece! That's what this episode is about. Eli and Mel bring you the finisher of the story of Count Dante, the guy who was known as the "Most Dangerous Man in the World," who ran several of his own dojos, was a founding member of America's martial arts scene, owner of a used car dealership, purveyor of smut and kicking butt, kung fu terrorist, world renowned classical s...

Wachow! Whaping! Hiyaaa! Eli and Mel were Kung Fu fighting! And their lips were fast as lightning! Oh the story they told was a little bit frightening! Cause it was about the deadliest man in the world! And we know that didn't rhyme, but you can't make it work all the time! Somebody should have said that to our man Count Dante 'cause you know, he might have had some choice fists and words for you....

Knowledge given isn't as useful as knowledge earned. That's the moral of this week's episode! Eli has lived his life based on this nugget of truth and now so shall you as you join your two favorite podcast hosts on a trip down a deep dark rabbit hole of modern history. This episode is not for the faint of heart, so listener beware! If you love having your head buried in the sand or like hearing th...

Happy Thanksgiving! Nothing says "Let's gather around the table and share in tradition" like the story of a man who's had just about enough tomfoolery. A man's house is his castle after all and he should be allowed to protect his castle, right? Wrong! If you're a bleeding-heart liberal you might have a thing or two to say about that. We live in a world where a man is portrayed as a deluded monster...

Do you know what that smell is? Well it certainly isn't your grandma's apple pie! No sir, this pie is filled with extortion, tears, adults throwing temper tantrums, public attacks on white business owners, assaults on police officers, melees going down in parking lots, women who just gotta make everything about themselves but can't define what a woman is, men who think they're men but act like wom...

Eli and Mel break down boundaries and conduct an experiment for the sake of science! Do the majority of our listeners click on an episode because they like the sound of our voices? Or is it because they see a dog in the art? Who knows! But we're committed to finding out through the scientific process... Also there's some mighty big talk about the not-so-much a murderer "Yandere Killer" who may or...

In this episode the story of Chris-Chan gets a little darker. If you thought the darkest this story would get would be an autistic bumblebutt of a man taking creep shots of children at a game store and shouting antisemitic remarks at a man who might not actually be Jewish... well, this episode says "Hold my beer!" It gets even darker. With a revelation from Chris-Chan about how he now identifies a...

That's right folks! Eli and Mel are bringing back the "summer of funky alien butt love!" A limited time offer, just so they can blow through the rest of Jmmanual's Talmud and then the story can go on hiatus until next summer. Oh don't be so sad, they handle the situation in style. That's right folks, this episode covers the next four chapters of the "true" bible and not the one you've been brainwa...

Getting a sense of déjà vu? Yeah, us too! But that's because this is Part II of our Halloween Special! In this episode Eli and Mel talk about how our boy Vlad Dracula became known as Vlad the Impaler. In the latter half of his story Vlad takes over Wallachia, ends the internal threats to his throne, reforms the social structure just because he's such a nice guy, and went back to school to get a de...

Happy Halloween to the D.U.S.E. Nation! For your holiday enjoyment, Eli and Mel bring you the most based of European leaders: Vlad the Impaler! Nothing screams Halloween more than the story of one of the most feared and effective Balkan leaders in all of European history. Vlad Dracula witnessed his father's rise and fall, was held captive by a bunch of Muslims, and eventually took his father's pla...

In this episode of the D.U.S.E., Eli and Mel get scandalous! Back after a night of getting screamed at in a corn field, Eli manhandles the sensitive topic of "Native Americans and the Federal Government" with about as much sensitivity as cleaning a burn victim with steel wool. So what are Skin-Walkers? Are they animals? Are they men? Are they a ghost story meant to scare children around the campfi...

Halloween is right around the corner so it's a good time for another saga from our favorite self-proclaimed "virgin with rage"! And boy what a doozey it is. Chris-Chan manages to stay away from the internet for about 24 hours before continuing his life-long love quest. This time he's switching up his tactics! He's convinced he can trust online dating services to find women who definitely aren't ca...

It's been two years! So Eli decided to bring you the heaviest episode that the D.U.S.E. has taken on yet. What a way to ring in two years of semi-professional but definitely D.U.S.E. quality evil! Yes, we're discussing the horrific case of the murder of Junko Furuta. Japan is just a black hole of some of the most vile and horrifying cases in the entire world. Just barely scratch the surface of the...

In this episode Eli and Mel take pot shots at.....Christians! But to be fair it was long overdue and this story is chock full history that your local preacher doesn't want you to know. Like did you know Christians used to put animals on trial? Or how about giving fruit exorcisms? I bet you didn't know they dug up a Pope, dressed him in his robes, sat him in a chair, and bullied him over his politi...

It's a period of immeasurable strife in the Chris-Chan universe. A brave alliance of underground freedom fighters known as the Sonichus has challenged the tyranny and oppression of the awesome Asperpedia Four. Striking from a fortress hidden among the billions of copyrighted cartoon characters, rebel spaceships have won their first and only victory in a battle with the powerful Asperger fleet. The...