Deliberate Life™

We open with a story told by David Foster Wallace: two young fish swimming along, greeted by an older fish who remarks on the quality of the water. One young fish turns to the other and asks — what is water? It's the perfect entry point into a conversation about what we are so immersed in that we can no longer see. We explore the four classical elements — earth, water, fire, and air — not as abstr...

We open by clearing up one of the most common misunderstandings about forgiveness: that to forgive means to condone. It doesn't. Using the image of a thorn lodged in the body, we explore forgiveness as the act of removing that thorn—not for the person who put it there, but for yourself. We introduce four promises of forgiveness: I will not dwell on this incident; I will not use it against you; I w...

We complete our journey through the Big Five personality traits with the fifth and final one: conscientiousness. We explore what it actually means—beyond the obvious associations with being organised and disciplined—examining how it shows up as reliability, self-discipline, integrity, and the drive to follow through on commitments to both self and others. Through personal examples ranging from cal...

We open with a quote that sets the tone: the longest journey is from the head to the heart. We explore what it truly means to live from the heart—not as a sentimental idea, but as a fuller way of accessing ourselves and connecting with others. We discuss heart intelligence alongside gut and brain intelligence, and introduce the concept of heart coherence: the state in which nervous system, mind, a...

We open with a quote that sets the tone perfectly: if the mind is not overcrowded, not ceaselessly occupied, there is space—and from that space, everything else comes. We explore space as a multi-layered concept, distinguishing between space in the mind, space in time, and space in the physical environment. We discuss how transit time—the in-between moments connecting one event to the next—holds r...

We explore grief through the immediate and raw experience of losing a parent, beginning with the story of receiving news of a mother's death whilst scuba diving in a remote part of the Philippines. We discuss the intensity of those first nine days—the loneliness of travelling home alone, the profound sadness of missing someone physically, and the complex emotions of being both the griever and the...

We share reflections from Bali, where we've spent two weeks recording our long-awaited Deliberate Life programme—a project eight years in the making. We discuss the unique energy of Ubud, Bali's spiritual centre, where ceremonies happen daily and spiritual practices are woven into everyday life. Through personal examples from our time here—cacao ceremonies, sound meditations, temple purification r...

We explore neuroticism, the fourth of the Big Five personality traits we've discussed, following our previous episodes on openness, extraversion, and agreeableness. Neuroticism represents sensitivity to negative emotions—those higher on the scale experience more worry, frustration, and stress, whilst those lower feel fewer negative emotions overall. We acknowledge the loaded nature of the word "ne...

We explore the often-taboo subject of money, beginning with an examination of why financial discussions feel uncomfortable—the fear of being judged or defined by wealth rather than character. We introduce the concept of "money blueprint," the belief system about money formed during childhood that shapes our financial behaviours throughout life. Through contrasting personal stories, we share how ou...

We explore the essential skill of boundary setting through personal and professional examples, examining how clear boundaries protect our time, energy, and values whilst maintaining relationships. We discuss practical scenarios from declining alcohol at social gatherings to saying no to dessert at dinner parties, illustrating how boundaries become easier to establish with people we know well versu...

We explore agreeableness, the third of the Big Five personality traits we've discussed, following our previous episodes on openness and extraversion/introversion. Agreeableness represents the tendency to prioritise others' needs over one's own—highly agreeable people are sympathetic, cooperative, and accommodating, whilst those lower in agreeableness are more competitive, self-interested, and dire...

We explore creativity through the lens of artistic courage and personal expression, beginning with reflections on Gustav Klimt's decision to break from commissioned religious paintings to create his own revolutionary art. We discuss how true artists often work without recognition or financial reward, driven by an inner compulsion to express something new and meaningful. Through personal examples—f...

We reflect on how gratitude shifts energy—both individually and collectively—and how it can be a powerful tool for leadership. When we enter a challenging space, like a tense team meeting, and lead with genuine appreciation instead of pressure, we witness a tangible shift. Shoulders relax, attention sharpens, and solutions begin to emerge. Gratitude doesn’t erase the problem; it transforms the emo...

We explore vulnerability through personal experiences, beginning with the quote “Dance like no one is watching…” and how acts like dancing or singing often stir discomfort and self-consciousness. For many of us, these expressions bring up old memories of shame or judgment, often rooted in childhood. Exposing our inner selves feels risky, as if we might be rejected or ridiculed. We share stories—fr...

In this episode, we explore the complexity and fluidity of identity, beginning with a playful challenge: how would we describe ourselves in the time it takes to ride an elevator? We unpack how our self-descriptions shift depending on context—age of the listener, setting, or even language. We share our discomfort with reducing identity to a concise pitch, noting how what we say tends to be external...

In this episode, we confront one of life’s most profound and universal truths: death. Despite its inevitability, death remains a taboo topic in many cultures, often shrouded in fear and avoidance. We explore the concept of a “good death” versus a “bad death,” discussing how saying goodbye, letting go, and even planning one’s end can create a more peaceful passing for both the dying and their loved...

In this episode, we dive into planning versus spontaneity, using the lens of personality types, particularly the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). We explore the dynamic between “judging” (J) and “perceiving” (P) traits, examining how these preferences play out in our daily lives, relationships, and work. We reflect on the benefits and challenges of structured planning, like creating routines an...

We often believe in the myth that relaxation must be earned—that we can only truly rest after being productive. However, we recognise that this belief, while deeply ingrained, is not necessarily helpful. Relaxation should not be conditional, yet many of us struggle to truly unwind. The conversation explores different perspectives on what relaxation means, distinguishing it from simply sleeping or...

In this episode, we dive into the reflective process of personal growth and intention-setting as the year draws to a close. We explore how stillness, the balance of being versus doing, and self-leadership have been prominent themes in our lives throughout 2024. We emphasise cultivating personal growth through tools like journaling, meditation, and deliberate reflection on our life journeys. As we...

In this episode, we dive into the transformative power of breathwork with Tim van der Vliet (Bart’s brother), a global breathwork coach and creator of the TT5 technique. Tim shares his journey from high-stress stock trading to finding balance and purpose through breathwork, eventually becoming one of the world’s leading breathwork specialists. With his signature blend of science and simplicity, Ti...

In this episode, we explore the emotional responses that arise from common, everyday triggers, focusing on how we become aware of and manage them. The conversation starts with a look at the stress of queuing at airport gates, where many of us experience heightened anxiety over small things, like whether there will be space for our luggage. Even when we know the anxiety is irrational, it persists....

In this podcast episode, we delve into the concept of mentorship, tracing its historical roots back to figures like Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle and exploring its evolution into the modern corporate and personal development contexts. We discuss the distinctions and overlaps between mentorship and coaching, pondering how each plays a role in personal and professional growth. The conversation refl...

In this podcast episode, we come back to one of our favourite topics: Learning. We discuss the importance of understanding and leveraging personal strengths in professional and personal development. By recounting our experiences from the past when learning wasn't a consciously integrated part of our lives to now, where it forms a crucial aspect of our daily activities, we emphasise the transformat...

In this podcast episode, we explore the concept of the "corporate athlete," comparing the performance and preparation strategies of professional athletes to those of corporate professionals. The discussion begins with reflections on the Olympic Games, noting how athletes meticulously prepare for major events, emphasizing the importance of recovery, rest, and focus. We highlight the concept of cate...

In this podcast episode, we delve into the profound influence that the people closest to us have on our personal growth and development. We explore the idea that "you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with," reflecting on how our relationships shape who we are. We discuss the dynamic nature of these relationships, noting that as the people around us change, so do we. This...